Distress in Work

Former Member

So I work in care and recently I have been getting abuse in work by a client - sexual assault to be honest - and it has happened over 5 times, which I think is unacceptable that it has taken more than these incidents for the management to step in and realise it isn't right, I do have the right to go to the police but it isn't what I want to do. Some have been minor but some have also been major assault and it has now left me feeling very vulnerable going back to work as anybody that comes near me, or touches me I flinch. As at where I work they have challenging behaviours it is hard not to be touched - even if they just brush past me but I am now at the stage where I just cry and cry, I cannot handle it.
Today I went to see the Mental Health Nurse in work and she thinks that I am going back into the vicious old circle of 'anxiety and depression' though I know I am not depressed just mega emotional about the whole ordeal, and slightly on edge about it all too, I think and she does too that I am not fit for work as I need to be 'well' to work in an organisation in care. I am off to the doctors tomorrow to see what they can do but I am pretty nervous about it cause I wonder what they may say or whether they'll give me a sick note so I can have the time off to get my head together and go to see a counsellor. 
I suppose the general question I am asking is, how do I become unafraid of people, I flinch and get angry when my mum pats me on the back because 'why is she touching me!!!' I know once I do talk about things and get mega emotional I do realise that yes, I really shouldn't be like this I should be enjoying my time. 

Former Member

Heya Map98

Firstly, I really really think you should express to management that their lack of effort to sort the situation, and make your working environment safe for you is a disgrace. No one should feel like you do at work, your managers have a responsibility. 

I think that considering what you have been through, being sexually assaulted, you should definitely give yourself a break, I certainly know I would be feeling very jumpy and insecure, and that is completely normal. I am really happy to hear you are seeking help, good for you. 

Perhaps part of the issue is because you feel unsafe and insecure in your working environment, if there aren't mechanisms in place to protect you, and you feel management aren't quick to come to your rescue, I can see why you feel on edge around people. I would agree with your nurse that you may not be in the right headspace to work in that environment just now, mental health is so important and it would be such a shame to let it spiral due to a toxic work environment. 

Take care of yourself and give yourself time. You won't feel the 'afraid' feeling forever, its just a natural reaction when you have been a victim of an unacceptable incident. 

Stay safe, good luck 

Dusky xxxxxxx

Former Member

MAP98 said:

So I work in care and recently I have been getting abuse in work by a client - sexual assault to be honest - and it has happened over 5 times, which I think is unacceptable that it has taken more than these incidents for the management to step in and realise it isn't right, I do have the right to go to the police but it isn't what I want to do. Some have been minor but some have also been major assault and it has now left me feeling very vulnerable going back to work as anybody that comes near me, or touches me I flinch. As at where I work they have challenging behaviours it is hard not to be touched - even if they just brush past me but I am now at the stage where I just cry and cry, I cannot handle it.
Today I went to see the Mental Health Nurse in work and she thinks that I am going back into the vicious old circle of 'anxiety and depression' though I know I am not depressed just mega emotional about the whole ordeal, and slightly on edge about it all too, I think and she does too that I am not fit for work as I need to be 'well' to work in an organisation in care. I am off to the doctors tomorrow to see what they can do but I am pretty nervous about it cause I wonder what they may say or whether they'll give me a sick note so I can have the time off to get my head together and go to see a counsellor. 
I suppose the general question I am asking is, how do I become unafraid of people, I flinch and get angry when my mum pats me on the back because 'why is she touching me!!!' I know once I do talk about things and get mega emotional I do realise that yes, I really shouldn't be like this I should be enjoying my time. 

Hi MAP98,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you have been through and how it's affecting even your relationships with your mother now as a result. I think I can understand that it must be particularly tough for you to ope up and disclose what has been happening when you are being considerate of how the personal situations of those you care for may be a big factor for their behaviour. Having said that, that does NOT invalidate nor devalue your feelings or how it is affecting you, and I'm really proud of you for alerting the management (although it really is disappointing how they have handled the situation) and taking the initiative to seek support, here and from mental health professionals.

I don't believe I am personally able to give any advice as to help with your fear of becoming unafraid of people, since I am not a professional. However, from personal experience, I have received support with overcoming my phobia of germs and sleeping near walls (it is quite specific, I know, haha) by receiving CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) from a CAMHS after expressing my fear to my GP, who referred me to the service. You might find this useful, since CBT essentially works to try alter your perceptions and behaviours, but naturally whether this is appropriate for you would be determined by a professional trained to do so.

Wishing you the best,
-peachysoo

Former Member

Dusky94 said:

Heya Map98

Firstly, I really really think you should express to management that their lack of effort to sort the situation, and make your working environment safe for you is a disgrace. No one should feel like you do at work, your managers have a responsibility. 

I think that considering what you have been through, being sexually assaulted, you should definitely give yourself a break, I certainly know I would be feeling very jumpy and insecure, and that is completely normal. I am really happy to hear you are seeking help, good for you. 

Perhaps part of the issue is because you feel unsafe and insecure in your working environment, if there aren't mechanisms in place to protect you, and you feel management aren't quick to come to your rescue, I can see why you feel on edge around people. I would agree with your nurse that you may not be in the right headspace to work in that environment just now, mental health is so important and it would be such a shame to let it spiral due to a toxic work environment. 

Take care of yourself and give yourself time. You won't feel the 'afraid' feeling forever, its just a natural reaction when you have been a victim of an unacceptable incident. 

Stay safe, good luck 

Dusky xxxxxxx

Hi, thank you so much for your response. I left the workplace and after a couple of days, my mood and mental health was getting a lot better, I am still working on some things but am so much better off out of work. 
I have gone back to an old job and I am so happy there knowing that I won't come across this assault in work, I think it taught me that I do need to take care of myself and definitely put myself first. 
Thank you so much 

Former Member

peachysoo said:

MAP98 said:

So I work in care and recently I have been getting abuse in work by a client - sexual assault to be honest - and it has happened over 5 times, which I think is unacceptable that it has taken more than these incidents for the management to step in and realise it isn't right, I do have the right to go to the police but it isn't what I want to do. Some have been minor but some have also been major assault and it has now left me feeling very vulnerable going back to work as anybody that comes near me, or touches me I flinch. As at where I work they have challenging behaviours it is hard not to be touched - even if they just brush past me but I am now at the stage where I just cry and cry, I cannot handle it.
Today I went to see the Mental Health Nurse in work and she thinks that I am going back into the vicious old circle of 'anxiety and depression' though I know I am not depressed just mega emotional about the whole ordeal, and slightly on edge about it all too, I think and she does too that I am not fit for work as I need to be 'well' to work in an organisation in care. I am off to the doctors tomorrow to see what they can do but I am pretty nervous about it cause I wonder what they may say or whether they'll give me a sick note so I can have the time off to get my head together and go to see a counsellor. 
I suppose the general question I am asking is, how do I become unafraid of people, I flinch and get angry when my mum pats me on the back because 'why is she touching me!!!' I know once I do talk about things and get mega emotional I do realise that yes, I really shouldn't be like this I should be enjoying my time. 

Hi MAP98,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you have been through and how it's affecting even your relationships with your mother now as a result. I think I can understand that it must be particularly tough for you to ope up and disclose what has been happening when you are being considerate of how the personal situations of those you care for may be a big factor for their behaviour. Having said that, that does NOT invalidate nor devalue your feelings or how it is affecting you, and I'm really proud of you for alerting the management (although it really is disappointing how they have handled the situation) and taking the initiative to seek support, here and from mental health professionals.

I don't believe I am personally able to give any advice as to help with your fear of becoming unafraid of people, since I am not a professional. However, from personal experience, I have received support with overcoming my phobia of germs and sleeping near walls (it is quite specific, I know, haha) by receiving CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) from a CAMHS after expressing my fear to my GP, who referred me to the service. You might find this useful, since CBT essentially works to try alter your perceptions and behaviours, but naturally whether this is appropriate for you would be determined by a professional trained to do so.

Wishing you the best,
-peachysoo

Thank you so much, I will certainly look into the CBT, I've heard of it before so will do some research. 
I'm currently getting by okay, I don't flinch as much anymore I'm just very observant to conversations and situations. I'm taking time to care and love myself, giving myself a break with a lovely part time job where they know all about my past and are willing to take it slow with me, knowing if I'm down or upset in work they will comfort me and offer me a cup of tea rather than expecting me to just get on with things. 
Much love, thank you.

Former Member

Hey MAP98,

I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been getting by much better recently! You’ve gone through a lot, and I’m so proud of you for taking care of yourself and opening up with others.

Keep us updated!
-peachysoo