Uni meeting . Next year in question?

Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert

Hi,

I am uni student. Just finished first year.

in about 2 days I have a meeting with my personal tutor at uni and my 'support person'. I'm so scared. My personal tutor is doubty on me continueing on to next year because of my anxiety and doesn't think I can cope or manage next year. And because next year we are moving to a different campus it adds to my anxiety and we placement next year so she does't think I will do it. She is constantly saing to me, "How you going to cope?" etc... "do you think you can" "why you putting yourself of 2 more years of 'distress'".

She claims that this year, my attendance hasn't been good (in total I have miseed 5 days) and said for my assignment that "I need to a lot of work". A lot of our uni work is directed tasks. and have 5 assignments in totial per year. 2 last semester, one I got like just under 50% (40% is a pass) and she says "got a lot of work to do" Like come-on seriously, that was my first assignment of uni so I personally don't thik it's that bad. 

using the above first para. I feel scared that she's going to be all about convincing me to leave uni. I saw her in March which is when I had my first meeting with her and she made those above comments and told me to think if I wanted to continue uni. In fact she told me to leave there an then and not return back after easter. But I was like I might as well finish the year and get a Level 4 out of it. She was't keen on that but had to make do with it. She then asked me in May whether I was going to continue and I said yeas, (It did take some thought) and she was like we need to meet again soon and she's invited my 'support person' to it.

I suffer from anxiety and 'bouts of depression' so it can be a real challenege at times continuously. ButI simply don't feel ready for the 'wide world' and I'm enjoying my course. So If I can I want to continue in uni and finish it so I can do the job I want. I know I will find it hard and my anxiety and depression wil continue to be battle but I don't want her putting me down continuously. With help and support I'm sure I can do it. COme on, I did GCSE:s and A-level and even then my head of sixth form wanted to kick me out but I stayed and got reasonable grades.

Last year, when it came to transition my line was " I'd rather die than face transition" and felt quite suicidal but with the support of my TA I overcame and managed it. Yes, starting uni I was horrible and really struggled but I rose above it.

How do I put my ways forward? Any ideas? Any help? I feel stuck.  The same phrase is coming back.


Comments

  • GretaGreta London, UK Posts: 29 Cool Newbie
    edited June 5

    Hi @Invisible_me


    I’m very sorry to hear that your personal tutor has been doubting you so much. Coping with uni can be very challenging on its own on top of dealing with anxiety and depression, however it sounds like you have the desire to continue. It often takes people a period of time to adjust to how different uni can be. It’s really great that you have been able to persevere through everything so far despite receiving a lot of negativity from people in your life.


    It’s also good to hear that you mentioned getting support from your TA to help you through everything. There are a lot of avenues that you can go down to get more help. You may find The Mix’s general chat helpful to get your mind off any stress from uni, or the support chat to get peer support for any challenges you may face. You can find the group chats here. Do you know what other support you might find helpful?


    In the end, no one can make you stop doing something that you want to continue doing. If you want to finish uni and are willing to look into getting the help you need to do so, then that is your choice! Do you think voicing your desire to find support would be helpful to tell your ‘support person’ at the meeting tomorrow? Maybe she can help you find the services you need.


    Best of luck for the meeting tomorrow and let us know how it goes!


    Best,

    Greta

    Eyepatch
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert

    Hi Greta,

    Thanks for your reply. I did see the reply- Just never got the chance to reply. Thank you it was helpful.

    Seems like I'm going back a while, the meeting ws very daunting. It seems like the personal tutor and she was just pointing out all the reasons of why I shouldn't continue, and she just had the facial expression likeyou could tell she didn'twant me there.

    It's just horrible! There's not one person that I can say in university who is supportive. I just feel everyone is like moaning at me, and telling me to quit. Like I don't need you demoralising me.  Uni support is very chayway, the quantity is there with the 'support person' but there's no quality In it. There'll be new support workers next year.

    She sent like a 'email overview' it was not very good, I sent an email (rather long) explaining things, as In the meeting I was very ill, and tired but still went! (think that shows something right!), and no-one has replied, like seriously! I sent such a hard email to write and the least I want is a reply but no, - Been over 2 weeks)

    Urghh, fighting a losing battle. But my GP's supportive ad listening,and I've got an appt with her soon, to sort something out under NHS. SHe's getting me through it along with the support of the TA's back at my previous education.- They've all got faith in me but uni haven't got a single bit of faith.

    Thanks.

    In-me

  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 359 Rampant Poster
    Hello, 

    The way your tutor is treating you seems very unfair, if their actions make you feel worse you can gather evidence for that and tell the university how you feel. Perhaps there is a change you could switch tutors? Its definitely something worth looking into if your tutors actions are harming your learning. 

    I hope your meeting went well, feel free to chat about it here if there is anything still on your mind.  :)

    You can do this, uni is tough and does push people to do their best but you can get thought it. Even if you feel like no one is supporting you, the Mix is here and you seem very determined to finish. Prove your tutor wrong and graduate! Good luck with everything, work hard for yourself and try to ignore anyone who makes you feel bad, you can do this, you've already done one whole year! Thats 1/3 finished already :) Imagine how surprised your tutor will be when you graduate with a stunning grade, you got this. We are here for you. I graduated last September so if you have any questions about different years though uni feel free to ask :) 

    You can do this, 
    Eyepatch 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert
    ;) Eyepatch said:
    Hello, 

    The way your tutor is treating you seems very unfair, if their actions make you feel worse you can gather evidence for that and tell the university how you feel. Perhaps there is a change you could switch tutors? Its definitely something worth looking into if your tutors actions are harming your learning. 

    I hope your meeting went well, feel free to chat about it here if there is anything still on your mind.  :)

    You can do this, uni is tough and does push people to do their best but you can get thought it. Even if you feel like no one is supporting you, the Mix is here and you seem very determined to finish. Prove your tutor wrong and graduate! Good luck with everything, work hard for yourself and try to ignore anyone who makes you feel bad, you can do this, you've already done one whole year! Thats 1/3 finished already :) Imagine how surprised your tutor will be when you graduate with a stunning grade, you got this. We are here for you. I graduated last September so if you have any questions about different years though uni feel free to ask :) 

    You can do this, 
    Eyepatch 


    Hi @Eyepatch..

    Thanks for your reply. She isn't very helpful and isn't helping me more like just making me feel bad. I know that is an option, but only if I go through the complaints policy which hopefully is understandable, I don't want to go through because then you need like evidence and just all the hassle.

    The meeting wasn't great- You can see this in the previous message- sorry, it's exhausting repeating.

    THanks…. Hope so! You know when it all just seems bleak. Awww yeah, It's nice thinking it that way. Ok seeing you ask - Like from the first year- does it get much different? :)L ( can't get the emojis to work).

    Invisible_me

  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 359 Rampant Poster
    Hello,

    If you tutor is not helping remember that its not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong, you went to the meeting even though you felt ill and you replied to the email even though things have been hard, its clear you are trying your best. :)  Feeling bleak is natural sometimes, try finding some part of the uni work you enjoy and focusing in on that part. 

    I'm glad your GP is helping, they are not allowed to tell the uni anything without your permission so its a good way to let out everything you are feeling. 

    Second year is a bit different, but sometimes you get another tutor as some uni teachers only teach first year or second and third. I hope thats the case for your class :) Its a good idea to keep doing a bit of reading/work over summer so that you are prepared and the things you have learned stay fresh. Second year can get stressful as grades now can count towards your final degree. (depends on the corse you're on) What are you studying? If you don't mind me asking. 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert

    Hi there,

    thanks for reply.   I guess so... I do enjoy the course and most of the work (when I can see the link).

    Yeah, it helps to like let out everything- But then you end up in the same situation as it isn't being dealth with (does that make sense). Like she can't do anything - which can be good sometimes :)

    Thanks for answering that.  No she won't change unless she leaves. Its the personal tutor rather than the couse teacher. Personal tutor overlooks our education and care in uni. Yes that's what I think our grades will now count.

    In_me

  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 359 Rampant Poster
    Is it possible for you to go the the course leader and let them know how she is making you feel? You could even do this in an email, if you don't have their email you should be able to find it on your course website. 

    I hope everything goes well, if you can ask a few others in your class if she acts the same way to them. If you can form a good group of friends they will encourage you through your time at uni. Good luck with your next year and have a great summer :) 

    Sorry it took me a while to reply, didn't get the notification for this thread :/ 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert

    Hi @Eyepatch.

    Don't worry about delay. Sorry for my delay. I went on Holiday and that put a spanner to me logging on.

    It's not the best of feeling she gives me. But now that I've decied to carry on I want to on a positive note and try and put it behind me. I've got enough anxiety as it is, I don't want to build a hatred for her as she has got to be my personal tutor for the rest of my time.

    See how it goes, if it gets too much, I'll do something then. I don't want to do anything now too scared to...

    Thank you!

  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 359 Rampant Poster
    No worries, did you enjoy your holiday? :) 

    Its great you are pushing forward and staying positive, you can always see a GP about anxiety and they can provide you with support without your uni knowing.

    How about bringing something to class next year that makes you feel safe, I like wearing my watch because I can feel it on my wrist and for some reason it makes me feel safe. Sort of like a lucky charm.

    It takes a lot of strength to put hate aside, so its great you have choosen to do this, its very easy to get angry, its harder to put anger aside and focus on yourself. Well done for being so brave, and best of luck for the next year :) 

    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert

    Hey,

    I did actually thanks after all the palava.

    THank you, Yes, I do GP quite regularly as per I want.

    Good idea, I'll give it a think- what could I take?

    it's prob the best way forward. Saying that, uni are rather annoying me, No-ones replying to my emails as to when I get my timetable, I need to know for voluntary work and support and medical appts, If they clash the appts then she'll be the one having a go at me saying I need to attend lessons well give me my timetable then I know. I'm not cancelling too late otherwise i'll be waiting for too ling.

    Honestly!

    Thanks

  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 359 Rampant Poster

    How about bringing something that reminds you of a safe place or memory, or just a picture of someone/some place that you feel happy looking at? 

    Have you emailed the head of your uni school? For Example for biology it would probably be head of sciences, you can find them on the uni website, or ring the uni up and ask. 

    I don't think I got a timetable untill the first day back unfortunately, would it be possible for volunteering and other things to be done after 4pm? As its unlikely any classes will go on past that time.


    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert

    Hi.

    Yes, I'll have a think!

    I've emailed my personal tutor, head of support and the programme adminstrater. No one get's back.  I didn't have much hope from my PDT anyway, but as they say, they are our first point of contact.

    I need timetable before, to arrange for support workers. (I have requested for one of 2 which I found were good, as most are preety shit, I've had 2 this year, and both not so good), they couldn't really careless, I'd be there in lessons crying yet they wouldn't care or notice, they'd just go on their phones and not help me at all. and are rather forceful to get more hours so they get paid more. One was aksing me to be in the library from like 7 in the morning till like 5-6 in the evening doing work and we were still in the 1st week of uni, all she wanted was more money to pay off her debt.  Not considering the fact I had a long journey and could barely be in uni for a hour forget day.

    PDT said we could have lessons from 9-7, plus I volunteer at primary school (8:30-3:30). so not possible.

    THe uni don't seem to care, and don't appreciate people have other things going on than just uni.

    THanks.

  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 359 Rampant Poster
    How about making an official complaint to the uni? You can find their policy online and if you have evidence of anyone breaking this policy then they lawfully have to take action. I can be stressful though. 

    Or perhaps think about switching to another uni and starting in the second year class? Does your uni have a walk in centre where you can talk about how busy and stressful everything is getting right now? 

    You can also write a formal letter to the head of school, take a photo of it and then send it through the post. Its hard for them to ignore a letter and you have the photo to prove you sent it.
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert

    Hi.
    I completely appreciate your reply and your advice. I have thought about this reply. But I don't think its the right way forward at the moment, one because it's so stressful and chaotic, second, there's no proper back up etc...

    If things continue next year, (which I'm hoping if I get a decent support worker, then it might make things slightly easier) then I'll think of something alternative. I've thought about changing, but I want somewhere local and this was my only best option.

    We looked at 3 unis that did my course. and we made an informed decision with my sixth form and support staff there and my parents and we had meetings as well with the uni about needs and support they offer. One uni I didn't think I'd fit in and didn't really seem to care much regards providing support, just sort of like "you'll have to do it yourself manage it"  Another were telling me to change my course then they will help otherwise they can't. This one seemed the most promising.

    We'll see what happens next year? start afresh...

    No there is no walk in services at my uni, all is appointment based. But they do have an online enquiry service, which(h isn't the best lets say but fair enough...

    I've finally heard regard timetable saying she'll find out, now lets see if she does? (Programme administrator_

    Thanks,


  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 359 Rampant Poster
    Switching unis is more of a last resort, its great you have decided to stay determined and keep going.
    Good luck with everything during your second year, you've been really brave and thoughtful about everything you are going through and thats something great. 

    Stay strong, you can get through this :) 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • SevenSeven Posts: 55 Moderator
    Hey @Invisible_me
    It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your choice which is really good, making sure something is right for you is great!
    It is annoying that it's been so hard to find the support ideal for you, but your research and time should hopefully pay off. 
    Perhaps more accessible support should be more commonplace? It would surprise me a little if this didn't change over the coming years. As @Eyepatch mentioned, people probably would start demanding some kind of change now, as more people become more understanding. 
    Good on you for everything you've done up to this point! Let us know how you're doing :)
    Eyepatch
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert
    Eyepatch said:
    Switching unis is more of a last resort, its great you have decided to stay determined and keep going.
    Good luck with everything during your second year, you've been really brave and thoughtful about everything you are going through and thats something great. 

    Stay strong, you can get through this :) 

    Thanks
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 112 The Mix convert
    Seven said:
    Hey @Invisible_me
    It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your choice which is really good, making sure something is right for you is great!
    It is annoying that it's been so hard to find the support ideal for you, but your research and time should hopefully pay off. 
    Perhaps more accessible support should be more commonplace? It would surprise me a little if this didn't change over the coming years. As @Eyepatch mentioned, people probably would start demanding some kind of change now, as more people become more understanding. 
    Good on you for everything you've done up to this point! Let us know how you're doing :)


    Hi,

    I am so confused by some of your message.

    I put a lot of research into it with the sixth form but unfortunately it hasn't paid off. and doesn't seem it ever will...

    Thanks,

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