Post of the Month May 2016

TheMix

Hey everyone!

It's time to vote for the Post of the Month for May!

Remember if you see a post you'd like to nominate you can report it and just say POTM (for post of the month)

The poll is still open for April's Post of the Month if you'd like to vote it will be open for a few more days as we currently have a tie break!

So, here are the nominations for May's POTM:

This post by Ravenclaw on the thread The next five words are TRIGGERING:

Hey Joel,

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way, it sounds like there's a lot of things going on which are getting a bit overwhelming for you right now, would you say that's right? If you'd like to, feel free to talk a bit more about those things - if not, do you have any ways to distract yourself until this feeling passes - what do you usually like doing? *hug*

I also just want to point out that by posting here, you've taken a really great step in the right direction and by reaching out, it hopefully means there is some part of you which does not want to act on such feelings. Well done for doing so, you're doing so well

However, if you feel like you are going to act on those feelings, or even if you just want to talk to someone about it in real time instead of waiting for a reply, have you considered calling a helpline? Such helplines are Samaritans or Papyrus and if you don't want to talk on the phone, there is also the option of emailing. There is absolutely no shame in reaching out that way, even when you're not feeling this way, as Samaritans are happy to listen to a range of issues and can offer a completely impartial point of view on whatever is going on.

You mentioned arguing with a friend. Obviously I don't know your situation, but do you feel you might be able to talk to them once you have both calmed down, and maybe explain to them how the argument has made you feel? Or alternatively, do you have anyone in your life who knows what you're feeling or who you'd be comfortable talking to about what's been happening?

Just a little reminder - I know it's hard to believe right now, and the bad parts of our life often make us think that they will never end and we are going to be unhappy forever, but everything is temporary. Just as happiness cannot last forever, neither can this, and these feelings can and will pass with time - we just need to find some ways to cope in the meantime. We are here for you, keep posting if you feel it helps



This post by Apandav on the thread 'think I'm drowning'

Hi Ravenclaw,

Sounds like things have been really tough for you, and just wanted to reach out with a *hug*

Exams are stressful for most people, but sounds like things are getting overwhelming for you, and I'm so glad to hear that you reached out to your mum, and may be going to the GP. If you decide to see the GP, I'd recommend DocReady to help prepare for your appointment : http://www.docready.org/#/home . GP appointments are very pushed for time as it is, and its especially good to prepare to help you talk about more difficult subjects and be able to get out all the important information. Additionally if you felt too nervous on the day you could even just let your doctor read the list you made, themselves. Just wanted to make you aware (if you don't already know) you are entitled to choose the doctor or gender of a doctor, if that would make you feel more comfortable, and don't be afraid to ask for a double appointment if you feel more time would be beneficial.

I remember a really great quote you told me that you use- (something a long the lines of) : "It may not be my best, but its the best that I can do at this moment in time." , maybe it would be helpful to keep it in mind. I also find it reassuring to remember there are other options if your exams don't go well e.g. resits, college etc. However that doesn't by any means to say it won't go well, sometimes we can surprise ourselves.

Maybe practicing good self-care would be helpful for now, it is important that you look after yourself first. If you feel unwell physically or mentally, taking time out from studying is totally okay- do something you enjoy and just try to generally look after yourself. As hard as it is sometimes just trying to focus on the here and now, can help - I find mindfulness a good way to practice this, but you can also do it anytime anywhere. I found a good resource that explains some grounding techniques in more detail at :http://www.peirsac.org/peirsacui/er/...esources10.pdf .

I hope you feel better soon and good luck for your exams

Keep posting if you feel it helps


This post by Ravenclaw on the thread 'Dad wants to kick me out, but mum doesnt? Help?'

Hi Anare'il,

Welcome to the boards! I'm glad you have reached out to the community here, and hope you find it a helpful space to ask for advice about what's going on or talk about what's happening. It sounds like you're in a really tough position right now, I'm sorry to hear you're facing the possibility of your father trying to kick you out, as that sounds difficult. You mentioned feeling confused, especially as it doesn't sound like you've done anything at all to make your father react like this and he won't explain his actions. That must be frustrating or upsetting - how are you coping with this? Do you have any friends or other family member that might be able to support you if you need it?

I am no expert so there could be different circumstances which change this, but from what I've read it would seem that unfortunately a relative can legally evict you with given notice, regardless of whether they own the property. If this is the case, I think there are still several options open to you:

• First and foremost, it might be a good idea to speak to an advisor who can give you more expert knowledge about your specific situation. Shelter has a free housing advice helpline, or if you don't want to speak on the phone you can email them. You can also find local services which can help to advise you on Get Connected's website or by calling their helpline.
• You may want to check out this article on TheMix which explains when you're eligible for help from the council in the event of you not having anywhere to stay. If you have done nothing wrong to make you be forced out of the house, then you may be eligible to apply as 'at risk of homelessness' which will allow them to help you find somewhere to stay if your dad goes ahead with his threat.
• Alternatively, have you tried, or would you be willing to try, some form of family mediation? Obviously this really depends on whether your parents are likely to agree to attend, but you mentioned it is causing some emotional distress to your mum, so perhaps it might help in that respect if it's a path possible for you.

Please feel free to keep posting here about what's happening or to ask for more advice - I hope things work out for you!





This post by Ravenclaw on the thread 'Worried about Exam':

Hey Amanda,

That sounds really difficult; being stressed/worried about exams is hard enough without feeling like others are trivialising the situation and don't believe what you say. If it helps at all, I often feel exactly the same way and get exactly the same "you'll be fine" when I talk about these things, so I completely understand where you're coming from. *hug*
​
You mentioned studying a lot but feeling like it's a waste - that sounds really frustrating. Do try to remember to give yourself regular short breaks, even if you feel you don't need one or haven't done enough, because feeling overwhelmed and having no motivation can often be made worse by trying to do too much for too long. Do you know what ways of studying suit you best - for example, visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, etc? If not it might be worth finding out (there are various tools online to help you do so) or even if you do know, maybe just switching up your studying style might help see the information in a new way

A few ideas for studying in new ways: reading out your notes and recording yourself, then listening to them back while you go for a walk (exercise and studying at the same time!); writing your notes on post-its and sticking them all over your room; creating a powerpoint presentation of the ideas for yourself; going through the specification for your exam (if there is one available to you) and creating questions for yourself to answer; finding a classmate and quizzing each other... there are other ideas, too, but it depends on what works for you.

As for working on your past papers, if you're stuck, is there anyone who might be able to help you out or give you advice on how to approach those written questions - a lecturer, tutor or fellow classmate, for example?

Finally, remember that as you said "worse case scenario I have a resit" - if you don't manage that 40%, that's okay, there are alternative paths and you won't be the only one. You're already doing so well where you are! Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, and above all, try not to be too critical of yourself as you might find you know more than you think, and self-belief can go a long way to helping recall facts in the exam.

If it's all getting a bit much, don't feel bad for taking a break and looking after yourself (deep breaths, plenty of sleep, plenty of water), because ultimately your well-being is the most important thing

This post by WhispersOfTheHeart on the thread '*TRIGGERING* mental breakdown':

Hello Apandav,

How are you doing? - You posted this quite a few hours ago, so I thought I would drop in a quick reply. I get you're struggle, I really do, I can't fully relate, or all that m'larkey, but I know when therapy sessions come to a closing with an individual you've poured your heart out to and opened up to can be exceptionally difficult and may people under-estimate the real difficulty, I've had psychologists work with me for like less than 5 weeks in the past, I still cried when they told me they were leaving, because it's a difficult thing to hear, especially if you're someone who struggles to open up anyway. It's easy to open up on an anon forum, because no-one really knows you, but when it comes to people, in real life, it's about creating a bond.

Why are the mental health team kicking you out, won't their be an alternative support route for you? Alternative therapies, different routes etc.?

Another thing about 'holidays' - Holidays alone are difficult, issues at home, issues in general, and routine no-longer being their could be an implication, I found keeping myself busy during the holidays really helped me, I work part time, and also go to the gym, and I also try and fit in volunteering over the holidays if I can. I find that keeping myself busy and not allowing myself to have to much 'Focus' time really helped me in not over analysing, over thinking every situation in my head. Maybe that's something you could also consider? - What do you tend to do during holidays?

Often we want to cause a 'bad situation' as a cry for help, and I really do get that, but it isn't always the ideal route to take when seeking support, when you next see your therapist, maybe you could bring up support after this, as you feel as though you need it? It's really good to hear that you really want to engage with support, ad seek help though, however, I know it's easier said than done, but honesty to all those supporting you in key.

You said you tried support lines like Samaritans, Papyrus, how did they go? Have you thought about going into a Samaritans branch? Is that an option?

Keep posting and do keep us updated on how things are going,
Best wishes,
WhispersOfTheHeart

Here are all the nominations, please feel free to vote below - we missed a few the first time so have re-posted this again sorry if you had already voted, please vote again below.