Post of the Month April 2016

TheMix

Hey everyone!

It's time to vote for the Post of the Month for April! (We didn't get any nominations for March) - Remember if you see a post you'd like to nominate you can report it and just say POTM (for post of the month).

So, here are the nominations for April's POTM:

This post by Plugitin in the What they don't teach at school: talking about sex? thread

Sex education in year 6 of school was good. Basically went through the biological and a bit of the relationship aspect and the teacher had a Q&A box where you could submit questions anonymously and in class assembly every week she'd answer them - so I'd say that was good.

I only remember three bits of sex ed from school: a video in biology watching an ejaculation into the vagina and following the sperm up; a really horrifically scarred for life anti abortion video in RE showing a surgical abortion taking place and my geography teacher trying to find his banana to put a condom on it. Not really any good bits from within that selection really!

So, I'd also expect same-sex and non-sexual relationships to be on the cards - i.e. it's fine to be asexual, not want to have sex or be homosexual. I'd also expect there to be some kind of exploration of emotions within the teaching - i.e. how to talk to your partner when you're not happy with something they do, or you feel pressured. I'd also like it that the teachers would feel confidable-in - I suppose I mean like you could ask them for advice? The Q&A box kind of thing for more advanced years (where the teacher also doesn't blush and start to muddle their words) maybe would be good. High school is so hard in so many respects in any case - we had life ed in mixed sets rather than our normal sets - so the trouble makers would constantly disrupt and this was perhaps one of the issues in good teaching.

You could also include some of the things we studied in sociology like family types - the nuclear family vs one parent vs step etc - to cover a wider base and to stop alienating people who don't come from the standard nuclear family.

It's really hard to imagine what *could* be taught when in your experience the base line teaching level was pretty much zero - but I'm sure some people have good experiences! The emotional side feels harder to design because different relationships have different timelines.

This post by Ravenclaw in the Don't know what to do? thread

Hi pumpkinpie,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it's definitely a valid concern, and it's completely understandable that it would make you feel down. ​Well done on telling your mum about things and making an appointment to see a counsellor, that's such a good and brave step to take and I really hope your first session goes well.

You mentioned being nervous as you're not sure if the counselling will help. I think that's a completely natural way to feel when approaching something new - but I also think it's helpful to remember that if something is upsetting you, then it's not nothing, and counsellors/doctors are understanding and they're not going to tell you it's nothing either. (Besides, it's often the people who are worried about being told this that actually have a very valid reason!)

Counselling won't necessarily give you any new friends, no, but what therapy aims to do is to cope with what's happening. For example, you mentioned not being thick skinned and reacting easily to these people. Counselling should be able to help you develop a way that works for you to deal with situations like the one you described, and work through why you put yourself down and how you can change this. Though it'll take time and practise, all of this will make other aspects of life (e.g making new friends, working with other people in your year, etc) easier too. You also mentioned not being sure how your friends would take it if you told them - is there any reason you're concerned about this in particular? Or are there any other friends you'd like to tell from other schools/places? Of course, there's no obligation for you to tell them, it's more up to you and what you think would help; some people like to keep things private at first, others find the experience of being open about their experiences and talking to others about it quite helpful.

Good luck with the appointment - do feel free to keep us updated and keep posting if that helps *hug*

This post by Ravenclaw in this thread - Desperate, at breaking point (1)

Hey Amanda *hug* Hope you've had a better day today. How are things at the moment?

Ah, yeah I figured it was likely you'd have done it before but I wasn't sure so figured it was worth a mention. Glad it was a reminder anyway - perhaps with practice you'd feel less like it was lying to yourself? Whatever works best for you, though

Aw, your dogs sound like a brilliant help! Pets are the best listeners, I think And music and walks sound like good coping mechanisms too, even if they're not always effective. If long tv programmes are hard to concentrate on, you could always try short videos and clips on youtube. Maybe it's a matter of building up that list of things you like and can use as distractions, so that you'll have so many options available to you that one of them is bound to work for you when things get overwhelming?

Anyway, here are a few of my favourites. I know you might have seen some of these before, but I don't know which so I'm going to include them anyway.

Outlets to get rid of thoughts and/or find other ways to deal with emotions:

• the thoughts room
• stress analyst guides you through dealing with a stressful situation + calm down
• 7cups, for mindfulness activities and venting to a listener
• guided mindfulness meditation
• moodjuice has lots of info, helps you work through things you'd like to focus on, and has workbooks
• Students Against Depression is a great site with useful articles, self-help worksheets, real life stories etc all specifically for uni students

Games to distract your mind:

• Building your own acapella band (since you mentioned liking music) is quite amusing
• Answer trivia questions on any subject + help world hunger here
• Play a multiple choice story where your choices lead you to a different ending. I like this because you can play it more than once and not get bored, just by choosing different options, and you can also find different genres of stories if you don't like this one.
• play with sand (this one distracts me for hours tbh, i always try to make pretty pictures)
• games where you can practice/improve your memory and reaction times, so even though you're playing games it kind of feels productive haha

Hope some of these work for you

This post by Ravenclaw again on this thread - Desperate, at breaking point (2)

Hello lovely *hug* I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this, thoughts like these are so hard to deal with. Just know that the way you feel is completely valid, and completely understandable -- but you're not alone.

You mentioned feeling like no-one understands you. I was wondering, have you tried - or would you consider trying - some form of group therapy, or finding a group of people in a similar situation? (For example, people waiting to have the Aspergers test or similar?)

I don't know if this is useful for you, but statistics show that a high percentage of people with thoughts like you've been having do get better -- and an even higher percentage for people seeing a professional as you are. Perhaps she doesn't know what to do in this moment, but that does not mean there is no solution - mostly likely in your next session she will be ready to try something new. The evidence is in your favour - people have felt the way you do right now, and they have got better, and you will do too. In the meantime, something which is often useful is to try and promise not to act right now. Think 'I'll just wait until tomorrow' or 'I'll just wait until I've done one exam' or 'I'll just wait until that new episode of ___ comes out' -- no matter what it is, you have to find something to cling to and allow that to pull you forwards into the future. In this one area of life, procrastination is actually your friend.

Also, with regards to uni exams, try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I know that's much easier said than done, but when you consider how much you're already dealing with, and how much you've already achieved, that's pretty impressive. Something which helps me is reminding myself "I have done the best that I can in /these/ circumstances. Maybe it's not my best, but it's the best I can do right now." Don't hold yourself to anything too unachievable in this moment - there are always opportunities to redo exams and try again. We are always told that there's this very linear path in life that goes something like 'school, uni, good qualifications, good job, happiness' but it's not like that in reality. Life is more like a big squiggly line that goes up and down and around and if you don't get to where you want to be first time, that's okay - you can try again. Similarly, life can't keep getting worse. It's going to get better at some point. You just have to weather this storm.

For now, try to stay in the moment and find something to distract you if you can. You're doing all the right things so far, using helplines and reaching out for help, so well done because in some ways that is half the battle.

I really wish I could help more, but I hope at least a tiny bit of this helps, even if it's just a reminder that so many people care about you and believe in you, and we're right here if you want to talk some more about what you're going through.

This post by Louisa982 in this thread - feeling stressed out

Hiya sian.

This sounds really tough for you, im so sorry that your not having a good time at the moment. You say you can stop them in the day? What do you do differently in the day that you don't do at night? For me during the day im doing activities, going to college and working so i don't really have time to think. At night however i usually just lay in bed and think, maybe this is what happens with you.

If this is the case i would suggest finding some distraction activities. A few i have to suggest is watching tv/iplayer, coloring, painting, writing, singing, dancing, reading, playing distractions games online or on social media. These of course as just a few but may able you to distract yourself from your bad thoughts and might make you feel happier and more relaxed. Maybe other users have other ideas?

Hope this helps. Much love

Louisa x

This post by HannahBannanna in this thread - Struggling and have no one there

Hey,

I am definitely going through a lot of different things and it is really very hard. I have been working a lot too which both does and doesn't help. Unfortunately, this is the first time I've been able to access the boards again in a little while too.

I find it really difficult to picture and imagine myself from an outside view and it is really very hard for me to do so. I'm not sure what I would say to myself though I know that I would probably say Keep Trying and don't give up.

Been another tough week/two...Forevert.

Hannah x