Mega Post of the Month December thread... and it's goodbye from me!

SarahR

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We've had absolutely loads of nominations for this month's Post of the Month. It's been great to see all of them, so thanks so much to everyone who has nominated. Long may it continue Because of this, I've decided to make this month's poll multiple choice. Also, if you think anything has been missed, do let me know. I've done my best to stay on top of all the nominations.

To add to various pieces of news which have been coming from TheSite mods for a little while, it's actually my final day working for YouthNet today. It's been an amazing year-and-a-bit and I've loved getting to know all of you. I look forward to seeing what happens in the future and you may see me around now and again should the need arise I'll be doing my last Support Chat tonight if you want to stop by.

So, without further ado, here are the great posts which have been nominated this month. (Please be aware that some posts which were nominated were later deleted, so if yours hasn't appeared here, then that could be why).


butterfly123 nominated StrubbleS for this post in Son 16 and his gf is 14

StrubbleS wrote: »

Can't argue from a law standpoint, but from my personal experience and that of many of my friends (some who became sexually active at 13, [I was 15] voluntarily, without a regret) I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with that. You should know that it is fruitless to forbid your son contact with his girlfriend. He will find ways to see her anyway and he will continue what he is doing. He will just hide it better from you and this will hurt your relationship with your son. I think the best course of action for you is knowing that he is being safe about this (talking about contraception as much as not going to "hiding spots" to have sex to evade you). You could also tell him you'd him to invite his GF over so you can talk to her and discuss it with her and listen to her point of view.

Yes, from a legal standpoint she might not be able to give consent, but please don't believe that everyone under the age of consent is therefor automatically pressured and coerced into sex. Again, from my own experience and those of my friends, we knew very well what we wanted and made a conscious decision about it.

I don't know about the law in the UK, but of what I heard about your cops I have a hard time believing that they gonna give a rat's ass about two teenagers having consensual sex.

butterfly123 nominated StrubbleS for this post in Unrequited love

StrubbleS wrote: »

You need to bring distance between you both. Yes, I know you want his friendship and his presence in your life is valuable to you, but he is fire and you are sitting to close. It does not give you warmth but it burns you. You are rife for some dependency issues with him, if you don't have them already.

At first you need to internalize that it's not gonna happen, and just because you love him so much does not obligate him to love you back. You should move out, find new friends, by joining some kind of club (sports maybe?) and relate to new people. Believe me when I say that these feelings won't resolve itself. You actively need to get your life back on the tracks by diversifying the people you meet, bringing distance between you both (moving out, not hanging out with him).


5 Years ago I was on holiday with a girl. I fell in love with her and we fooled around a couple times. On that trip was another dude who had a thing for her for way longer. He tried to get with her in the past, repeatedly, but she was never interested. I established no contact with the girl because I couldn't deal with her sleeping with other dudes and not requiting my feelings. She was mad and devastated that I would withdraw myself from her and I felt really guilty, but I knew I had to do this for my own well-being. 3 years later we reconnected and have an amicable relationship. We don't see each other often, but it's nice. Meanwhile, that dude never broke contact with her (and she does not see it as her obligation to do that for him). In the last decade he tried to get with her countless times. Going out drinking, trying it with alcohol induced weakness of the senses? Check, sober and heartfelt confessions? check. She complains constantly to me about what he did now (leave her long rambling messages when she did not get in touch with him for a few weeks, while she is busy). She says, "I cannot deal with this anymore. Either you accept there will never be anything between us or you leave me the hell alone." Then it's all back to same ol' and being "friends" (It's not friendship, don't kid yourself. Friendship is between two friends. If one person wants more from the other they have different interests at heart and are not a friend to this person). A few weeks later he will try again. I pity that fool and it makes me resent him. Don't be like him.

You need to make that drastic change or you are not going to solve this issue for yourself.

butterfly123 nominated TheHebb for this post in Unrequited love

TheHebb wrote: »

Hiya,

Sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time recently, it always hurts when the person you love doesn't share the same feelings, and you can't really choose who you develop feelings for.

You need to understand that your feelings may not be based on truth but instead an idealized situation of what you two could have been like together, or what you really want to him to be like, instead of who is really is.

In this situation, as with many others, you've let your feelings overshadow all other aspects of your life, and this has led you to feel frustrated, upset and agoraphobic. The good news is that you can use this situation to grow stronger for the future. The best way of dealing with this is by giving yourself distance, as StrubbleS states and maybe looking into seeing help from your GP, as Christele said. However it may also be helpful to talk to your family or other friends instead of suffering in silence, or talking to someone outside of the situation like contacting Supportline on (020) 8554 9004, who have confidential trained listeners. Alternatively, grab a glass of wine/ hot chocolate etc. and you're favourite film (I think The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Jack Black maybe an ultimate winner now!) but obviously everyone has a different film they turn to - and maybe escape the world for a little bit, in the comfort of your PJs and sofa?

I'm sorry but it probably is unlikely that you'll be over him tommorow, but by focusing on yourself more and giving it time, your emotions will feel less intense, until this is just "past" self-esteem building experience!

plugitin nominated WhispersOfTheHeart for this post in How would you describe depression?

WhispersOfTheHeart wrote: »

I'm diagnosed with BPD and not depression, but like even with BPD you do have the moments of feeling in a nutshell 'Depressed' - With me, personally, depression feels like a curdling sensation that takes over your entire body, the reason you don't wish to bother any-more, depression stops you from picking up the phone because just reaching out for it is too much effort, despite it being right next to you, depression is the reason I miss weeks of Uni till I choose to go back, depression is something I fail to control, you don't choose to feel it, you don't want to feel the way you do, but it just happens. Everything illogical sounds logical and nothing makes sense, your thoughts become a blur, you isolate yourself because it's far to much effort getting yourself to even socialize with people, you leave the lights of in your room to stop people walking in so you don't have to talk to them, you pretend to sleep when you hear knocking at your door, going down the stairs to make food almost feels like the hardest challenge there is. Well, that's what depression feels like for me. Something beyond my own control.

butterfly123 nominated louisa982 for this post in Dear mr Cameron...

louisa982 wrote: »

Dear mr Cameron , i don't understand.
Did it all go as you had planned?

These evil people must stop
And I have to say ,this is top

But who on earth gave you the right
To use bombs ,to stop the fight?

Because ,dear David ,you need to think
This country really makes my heart sink

Violence will never end the war
But now you've made the lions rawr

Vote yes vote no vote yes vote no
I really think you need to go

The government always get their way
So why do you even give us a say?

Innocence lives will be lost
Do you even give a toss?

How many children do you think will die?
All them people saying goodbye

So mr cameron congrats on the air strikes
but they won't stop the stupid tikes

Enjoy sleeping in your comfy bed
While children watch the bombs ahead

Dear mr Cameron , i don't understand.
Did it all go as you had planned?

louisa982 nominated Hann for this post in The Advent Calendar Thread

Hann wrote: »

Hey Guys!!

Happy December!!

Sooo I know that a lot of you will be getting advent calendars, and I thought we could post pictures of what's behind each door

I have a Dan and Phil Calendar, and behind door number one for me is:

butterfly123nominated louisa982 for this post in Are girls getting angrier?

louisa982 wrote: »

Abuse is abuse no matter about sex, age, ethnic background, culture or area. violence is violence.

butterfly123 nominated Petrichor for this post in First Time.

Petrichor wrote: »

I waited quite a long time because I needed to be comfortable. When the time eventually came with my ex, it was very relaxed and I don't think I'd trusted anyone as much as I trusted her so I wasn't too insecure about it (I always had been until then). I think the trust then had a knock on effect and made the overall experience much much easier. Never feel guilty about not feeling up to it or ready.

Feeling anxious about it is definitely normal, especially if you have another reason to be nervous about that sort of thing or you suffer with longer term anxiety. As someone who is generally very anxious I can say that the most helpful thing for me at the time was being able to laugh things off and generally joke around a little when some things inevitably went pear shaped and I looked like a bit of a goof. But, some things probably will just like they would with anything else you start for the first time. So in terms of the actual experience, it won't necessarily be bad but don't expect things to go flawlessly.

Afterwards, the biggest thing was the relief of it being over and then the realization of how insignificant the idea of virginity and popping your cherry actually is. Like StrubbleS says, you don't suddenly have this epiphany and realise how glorious it is to now have a sex life. Once it's done, you realise how big of a deal it isn't.

Good luck!

WhispersOfTheHeart nominated plugitin for this post in Update: Mental Health and University

plugitin wrote: »

*hug* apandav that all sounds really tough what has happened with your parents.

I think parents find it really hard to understand why their children would turn to the internet and forums like these and I suspect they might be worried because often in the media you hear about people meeting online and being triggered by others. I guess all you can do is explain it is a safe place with mods etc, and where it's pro support and not triggering etc. I suspect they are also scared, so are trying to draw you back into them where they think keeping you in sight will keep you safe, which is why they want to know about your every move.

It might be worth trying to compromise with them and say you don't find it helpful for them to want to know where you are all the time (with the tracker) and know everything that is happening - perhaps you could agree that you will outline your plan for the day and keep your phone with you so they can contact you if need be. Perhaps trying to keep with what they're suggesting for a bit might help them to calm down, but make sure it doesn't affect you too much. It's a really difficult time for you all, so big hugs and we're all here if you need a vent or support or whatever

WhispersOfTheHeart nominated raich for this post in Triggering: My sisters suicide.

raich wrote: »

Hi Redhead,

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through *hug*

Sadly, guilt seems to be the typical result of losing loved ones to suicide, and can become overbearing when trying to make sense of what has happened. Everything you are feeling is normal and okay, and it’s natural to think about what you could have done to protect her. As Cat says, the most intense emotions can take over. I wonder if you’ve thought about writing down your feelings or things you might want to say to your sister?

It’s often easier to place the blame on ourselves rather than our loved one. While you feel that you didn’t do everything you could to help her or prevent what happened, it doesn’t mean that you are to blame. Time will play its part in helping you to move forward, and talking about it on here and with your counsellor is a brave step to help you through this. Although you’ve had your last counselling appointment, it might be worth speaking to your GP or another healthcare professional if you feel you can. Talking to someone else you trust as well about your feelings might help you to work through them and get another perspective on them.

It’s okay that you want to cry – it can help to ease the intense emotions a little, and those around you should understand that it is a painful and distressing time for you. It’s important you look after yourself too.

Keep posting on here if you feel it helps

WhispersOfTheHeart nominated plugitin for this post in The 'I need a hug' thread

plugitin wrote: »

*hug* Whispers Christmas can be a lonely time (even if like you say it isn't meant to mean anything); society persuades us that we are all meant to be getting together with people and having a comfy cosy lovely time when in reality that isn't the case for a lot of people.
Is there a local shelter or soup kitchen where you could volunteer on Christmas day and the surrounding days even for a few hours so you can spend some time with others?

Jo7 nominated WhispersOfTheHeart for this post in I need a rant

WhispersOfTheHeart wrote: »

You are more than your mental health Amanda, mental health can seem so consuming and overpowering it might feel like it is you, and theres nothing else to it, but there is, there is a lot more to it. You are a strong independant individual, studying at University, tackling each day at a time and I personally think you're absolutely lovely! - I know you've mentioned that these are things you've never told anyone, I just wanted to like say that you are more than this though.

But remember Amanda, we are here for you throughout all of this, and you don't have to go through it alone, take each day as it comes, and reach out to support here if you need it!

*BananaMonkey* nominated Redhead for this post in Housing for 18 year olds?

Redhead wrote: »

So you're telling me a mother who has a severley disabled child who can't get up the stairs in their top floor flat due to being in paralysed in a car accident a few months back, Should have the same priority has somebody who has had the odd fall out with a parent and decided "stuff this" I'm out....Right? Or someone who's fled violence should have the same priority as someone who's let their rent arreas get out of hand so they've asked to move, or an elderly couple moving into their daughters flat because one of them had a stroke and he can't walk very much right now and its made serious overcrowding now they children are sleeping on the floor? should have the same priority as somebody whos just got a bit fed up of their house.


As for your other coment about it being a disagrae and a joke because you have to pay for stuff yourself when you work, Thats not being a "fucking joke" its called, Being a respectable human and being in society. Yes there are things like benefits, but theyre for people who ARE in NEED of them, not for poeple who work.

*BananaMonkey* nominated apandav for this post in Really low.

apandav wrote: »

Glad to hear your feeling even just a tiny bit better

I can understand why you'd feel angry with yourself but its not your fault. Mental health is real, and just as we experience times of feeling physically ill in our life same goes for mental health. For example you wouldn't be angry with yourself if you caught a cold when you hadn't had one in a while. I know its so much bigger in comparison and even I struggle to see things this way, but I just wanted to say..... you have done brilliantly in what you've achieved by reducing the sh'ing and you should be proud. Lots of people relapse and recovery from mental health difficulties is a bumpy ride.....its crap I know! I just wanted to give another perspective on things but I do understand that things aren't that easy (I know myself) but keep doing what your doing , through reaching out! *hug*

Just wondering are you getting any support for your MH at the moment?


Maybe this article on self-harm relapses may be of use to you : ​http://www.thesite.org/mental-health...apse-5684.html

Hope you feel better soon!

Amanda x

*BananaMonkey* nominated yellowseahorse for this post in Share your highlights from 2015

yellowseahorse wrote: »

Jo - congrats on the engagement!

I qualified as a doctor and have survived (and even enjoyed!) my first job. Managed to stay on track with general life after my dad died too which I count as an achievement.

butterfly123 and WhispersOfTheHeart nominated plugitin for this post in Getting help

plugitin wrote: »

Hi Lucy, doctors and mental health services have to keep your confidentiality so they wouldn't be able to tell anyone that you went to see them and what for (unless it's an emergency situation where you're a danger to yourself or others). With regards to the boy, you don't have to tell him either. Some people find it easier to talk to people around them (e.g. friends or family) whilst others choose not to - it's your choice.

If you aren't sure what to say to your doctor, it might be worth writing a list of how you feel on a bad day and take that with you, or there is also an app called 'Doc Ready' (http://www.docready.org/#/home) which asks you some questions as a starting point of how you're feeling so you can start talking to your GP using what it has asked you.

Feel free to keep posting too

butterfly123 nominated *BananaMonkey* for this post in Christmas Is Hard..

*BananaMonkey* wrote: »

It doesnt seem little at all. It matters to you. Thats all what matters.

Do you want to chat about whats gone on?

Crying is a safe and natural way of expressing yourself. *hug*s

*BananaMonkey* nominated butterfly123 for this post in Childline to TS Transition?Anyone?

butterfly123 wrote: »

As BananaMonkey says, we're a friendly bunch and we do try to show each other respect.

It won't be too hard to settle in once you try to involve yourself with the boards more widely - so rather than just posting some threads (which is absolutely okay!) it might be a good idea to try and reply to other people's, and certainly get involved with the fun threads if you feel able to. Once people get to know you a bit better, that's how bonds can be built - and perhaps you can give general chat a try at some point when you're feeling ready.

Do be careful about how you try to get your opinions across in future though. I know we've all moved on from that now but to really settle and earn people's trust and respect, you can't essentially be insulting different races because it's not something anyone on TheSite would ever accept at all. That's all I'm saying - just giving you a tip really. I'm not getting at you at all

good luck and just keep trying. I imagine people do recognise your username now, we just don't know much about you. What are your interests, hobbies, have any pets? Etc.

apandav and turtle09 nominated WhispersOfTheHeart for this post in Nightmares

WhispersOfTheHeart wrote: »

Hey again Turtle,

Thank you for getting back to us - It's positive to hear you've taken your own steps to finding a way to get better, and by reaching out to support networks/charities, and it's great to hear you have counselling lined up. Also there is no need to say thank you or all that m'larkey, because that's what were here for, were a support network, supporting anyone who comes along really.

How have the distractions been working out for you so far? Have they been working, like I often find when I wake up from a night terror, I don't have the motivation to do zilch because I'm so tired, but also to scared to go back to sleep, I can just about man mindfulness, I put my feet on the group, and just focus on my body, nothing else, because in that moment, nothing else matters, have you ever tried mindfulness? It's easier said than done 'not to go into a panic' - But always remember to reassure yourself! And you can always pop on here, whenever, etc. And post about the nightmare, or even join in, in light hearted conversation. I sometimes find that helps, but I can't like do it straight away, I have to let my eyes adjust to my fairy lights first, and then my eyes won't hurt when I look at my phone.

Not sure if that's just me though? - I'm sorry to hear your GP made you feel like a time waster, like no GP should ever make you feel like that, it's not okay. Maybe consider changing doctor, or the GP you are seeing at the moment, you can express how they made you feel, because that is NOT okay, not issues how ever challenging, or trivial should be shun down upon.

And getting better is never a quick process, it's something you have to take at a pace you feel comfortable at, don't rush it, but you'll always have users on TheSite.org boards support you through this, were here for you

Best wishes,
WhispersOfTheHeart

WhispersOfTheHeart nominated *BananaMonkey* for this post in Childline to TS Transition?Anyone?

*BananaMonkey* wrote: »

I haven't gone through that transition however, I have some tips on how you could settle into this community if you want. I am sure others may have some tips as well.

I think for the boards, maybe replying or starting some fun light-hearted threads, that way you could get involved in the discussions a bit more.

Also maybe think about what you want to get out of the boards. When I first joined I wanted support, and to make some friends, and get to know people. Nowadays I want to help others and just start some fun threads. I still use the boards for support for myself, but not as much as I used too. I am slowly trying to find other support networks.

We are a friendly bunch on here, and I believe you will settle. It just takes time.