Which post should win POTM August?

SarahR

Hi all, it's time for POTM A special thanks goes to our top nominator apandav this month! If you want to get nominating for next month's POTM, here's a post on how to do it.

Here's the list of great posts to vote for this month:


apandav nominated notagainvitelina for this post in Living with sadness and self hate

Notagainvitelina wrote: »

Good morning Butterfly

Addiction (I know im sorry i used the A word HOLY SHIT I'M A BITCH, GRILL ME) is an illness and i'm sure you know that, you are really sick and the fact that people are trying relentlessly must mean something right? Whether it's true or not i don't know but i too would be frustrated from not being able to help someone because it would hurt so much seeing them unwell and i'm sure their best intentions are there.

It's hard, i know butterfly and you've probably been dealing with this for a while and i truly believe that we need to hit rock bottom before things get a little bit better, even if there's seems like no way out and shits proper dark.It sounds like you've become desensitised by it all and i don't blame you if things have gotten this hard.

I know you said you don't want to try and i respect that completely and if there isn't anything left to try for perhaps the motivation could be steered towards not feeling crappy night after night after night since the feeling is so unbearable (I SPELT THE WORD RIGHT FIRST FUCKING TIME OH YES)

..sorry hahaha got a bit excited, can't spell to save my life, im what you'd call an intelligent idiot, someone who is smart, yet so so stupid, i need fucking a trophy gimme!

*hug*Butterfly123 i really really really wish you all the best and im sure you've been told a million times that only you can save yourself , which i agree 100% but not unless you want to but when that time comes, we'll be right behind you.

apandav nominated AccessDenied for this post in What makes a best friend?

AccessDenied wrote: »

I have a best friend, but she lives in the south of France with her family so we are separated unless I get on a plane and come and stay. But otherwise we remain in contact by email, instant messenger and phone.

A best friend basically means someone you can talk to about anything, but to reach that point, friendships have to be nurtured, and this can take time. To become a close friend, providing they find you easy to talk to means a certain amount of risk. How much you share only without giving away TMI (Too Much Information). Best friends happen when two people take that step in trusting the other enough to open up, but that can open us to vulnerability. Recently I lost my girlfriend who had been my partner for some time, she died of cancer. But I have to move on and this has been difficult. One way of learning to cope with loss was my joining an archery club, and that has greatly helped me meet new people to befriend. I don't know if what I shared, helps... but sometimes I find even writing to someone as a pen pal can be potentially a good way of becoming a best friend.

Poppi

apandav nominated plugitin for this post in How often should/can you bring up mental health issues in a relationship?

plugitin wrote: »

I don't think the relationship should be completely about the mental health issues and it shouldn't be used as an excuse for not doing something on the part of one person. I agree there should be space to talk about how the person is feeling and for them to get comfort, help or whatever from their partner but I've also seen relationships where the other person has become a quasi-carer and that has come to dominate the relationship. That to me feels awkward and slightly weird in terms of a carer vs sexual role.

I think it should be the one who is suffering should be the one to bring up in conversation how things are and if they want to talk about it; neither you nor your relationship is the sum of the illness but instead should be a safe space if required.

apandav nominated WhispersOfTheHeart for this post in i'm falling apart!!

WhispersOfTheHeart wrote: »

Hey Forever Fallen Angel,

You posted quite a few hours ago, how are you doing now? I'm sorry to hear how tough things are at the moment for you but it's good to hear that you're looking for ways to cope during it all, for example 'drawing Butterfly's on your wrists' - It's difficult finding what works for you while you're struggling. - TheSite.org have an article on List of distractions you can use when you do get the urge to self harm - http://www.thesite.org/mental-health...ions-5696.html - As strange as it may seem I find crying really helps me when I get the urge to self harm, as it a way to release emotions. You mentioned drawing Butterflies, is drawing something that you find helps you?

There's been an awful lot out recently on adult coloring books, or Mindfulness coloring books. I got mine from The Works for £6 and I've absolutely fallen in love with it, but can only really engage with it when I'm actually at the turning point of feeling low. I guess it's about trying a variety of things, and seeing what distractions work for you, as everyone's different when it comes to coping.

I can really sympathize with not knowing who to turn to when you're struggling, but there are people out there, people who want to listen. I was never one to call helplines in the past, but found talking to Samaritans really helpful, normal call rates apply, but you can ask them to call you back if you give them your number, or text them too. You can call them on - 08457 90 90 90 (UK). - But if you wanted someone Face 2 Face, you could always pop into there local branches, there website should have maps to locate branches closest to you.

There is also Papyrus you can contact, who offer free confidential advice, you can contact them on 0800 068 41 41, or text them on 07786 209697.



It really helps just having someone to listen to you when you do feel alone, it did wonders for me while I was at Uni. Would you be able to talk a bit more about what's going on for you though? Was there something that triggered the feeling? Do keep us updated on how you're getting on though. Have you ever previously had help with your depression? Or thoughts and feelings related to depression?

Were here for you, massive prompts on being able to post a thread, I look forward to seeing you around more

Look after yourself,
Best wishes,
WhispersOfTheHeart

butterfly123 nominated Petrichor for this post in Is this a bad idea?

Petrichor wrote: »

Firstly, (and without trying to be rude) you need to disregard your parents' mollycoddling at this stage. At 18 you need to make up your own mind, find your own paths and boundaries in life, and you're well within your rights to stand up to them and say "actually, no" when it comes to your personal life. Listen to their opinions, yes. Let them dictate what you do and who you see, no. They might show resistance at first but they'll adjust.

Secondly, I notice you mentioned that you like him as a friend quite a lot. As okay as it is not to be ready for dating, I want to say don't be afraid to try the date because there's nothing to say it has to lead anywhere. I think part of the point of a date is that you're not committing yourself to anything and there's no obligation to do anything afterwards. You could go on a date, decide you're better off as friends, leave it there and resume friend-ness. As long as you're both on the same page with a situation like that then there's not much chance of any backlash (if you're both reasonable people). The only thing I could think of is if he finds it difficult just being friends if he wants more, but even then he might decide you're better off as friends too. You really don't know until you've explored it a tiny bit more. Furthermore, don't worry about leading him on just yet. Leading someone on is knowing full well they feel more and deliberately dragging that out knowing you're not interested (it really doesn't sound like this is the case with you), which tends not to happen early on, period.

Lastly, have you talked to him about this at all? Maybe a nice, open conversation to clear the air and get some worries etc off your chests would do you good. Sorry to pull on the cliché chord, but communication is key. It would mean you wouldn't need to be second guessing what he thinks and feels (and vice versa) and end up going down rabbit holes that you needn't. The conversation might feel a bit awkward (and even then it's only awkward if you make it so) but it would be worth it. Think of it as clearing the fog.

I don't think it is a bad idea. My advice would be to go and see what happens and make your decisions once you've had time to think about the situation and how you feel a bit more. Besides, if it's not a date to you then it isn't a date at the end of the day. Even if he wants it to be a date, that's nothing to say it is. Unless he's under the impression you think it is, of course. But that's where the usefulness of the chat comes in. Ultimately, do what you're comfortable with, but don't be afraid to explore things. You might surprise yourself!

Happy voting!