Post of the Month December - *Winner announced*

Former Member

Happy Friday, everyone (and Happy New Year 2015). It's time to cast our minds all the way back to last year for Post of the Month December.

Emmalee was the winner of POTM November for her positive musings on life. Congrats

Have a read of the nominated posts and vote for your fave:

WhispersOfTheHeart and bananamonkey nominated yellowseahorse for this post in I'm not to sure what the future holds.

yellowseahorse wrote: »

Hey whispers

I'm not sure if this reply will be helpful but wanted to reach out all the same.

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry that things still feel so bleak and hopeless. I'm not really sure what to suggest, other than things I've picked up from my own experiences.
I often felt that things like uni work etc were pointless because I didn't feel like I would still be here in x amount of time, or because even if I was I'd be too unwell still to do anything relevant to my degree. I forced myself to stick at it, because 1) it was a distraction 2) gave me purpose and 3) I thought that if I did become well again, I'd be proud of myself for sticking at something and setting myself up as best as I could for a positive future.

I also know what it feels like to be able to identify thoughts as irrational but still not be able to prevent them from impacting on my behaviour and mood. And the bit you said about turning into an emotional wreck over a small thing. I still struggle with these things, but I think they have improved for me. Unfortunately I don't have a magic solution - I think the main factor is probably time. But something that does help me is talking about it. But not just generally, I use a specific tactic. I speak to a friend (or even people in chat) who I know is sympathetic... I.e. One who will validate my feelings rather than invalidate them. I'll say something like 'I know this is really lame, but x and y really bugged me' and they'll hopefully say something like 'ergh that's really annoying, can totally see why you feel like that'. They also may say something like 'but also... Did you consider that that person may have felt like x or y?' I'm not even really opening up about my mental health, or that actually the situation left me in a wreck. But it makes me feel better that firstly someone else would have a similar reaction to me (perhaps less extreme) but also they may help me consider different angles on a situation to help me not turn it into a complete disaster. I probably should have used an example, but I hope you get the idea.

Perhaps coming up with some sort of a routine may help? Waking up at the same time everyday, perhaps planning a slot (even as short as half an hour) early on in the day where you can get some uni work done and then you may find you feel good for being productive. I know this all sounds so lame, but the only way I managed to feel a bit better is 'faking it' until I made it.

I'm frustrated at not being able to say anything of use. But I think there is no reason why you shouldn't have a bright future ahead of you. Might just take some time for you to feel bright about it, and I know that really REALLY sucks... But you've done great so far. Think about the massive distance you've come since first joining the boards and now ending up at uni. There's plenty more of those leaps to be had

WhispersOfTheHeart nominated plugitin for this post in I'm not to sure what the future holds.

Past User wrote: »

I know what you mean for quite a few of the things that you say. We complete therapy and apprently that is meant to solve everything. Be 'recovered'. We've learnt all these new ways of coping, ways of thinking. Yet we can't shake off the sucidial feelings, or like we want to do something. Just keep on slogging along like a zombie.

Like YSH has said though, if you keep going with the uni work, it could serve as a distraction and as a reminder of how far you have come. If you can, split down everything you need to do into small chunks with a reward for yourself at the end, then perhaps you can start to make some progress with the work? Baby steps and all.

You might feel like you don't want to be here anymore, but I think there is a small part of you fighting to be here. You've made such progress since joining here, that is something to be proud of - let alone everything else you are still to achieve. Just keep slogging

How you describe your feelings at the moment is how I felt when I first went to uni and got the same kind of freedom. I loved the terrifyingness of it, the not knowing what I was going to do next, the fact that it gave me feelings to feel, finally, after all this time. But at the same time, it couldn't continue without there being consequences and worrying others - and eventually it had to end.

You say that you aren't good enough, yet you are. You're fighting, you're keeping trying and most importantly, you're reaching out for us when you need to. Your head won't tell you this, this is how depression works after all, but I can guarantee others would crumble in your situation. I think when you're feeling low, it can be enough to recognise this feeling - the why isn't always clear and it never was with me. To spend ages examining why could be worse, rather than better for you.

I'm sorry I can't help. I just want to let you know you're not alone in how you feel.

butterfly123 nominated plugitin for this post in Last post

Past User wrote: »

Yep! How we always thought it would be great to be adults... then we grew up and adulthood? Not so much ta.

butterfly123 nominated yellowseahorse for this post in The Christmas Quiz 2014!

yellowseahorse wrote: »

Y'all lucky I wasn't there

butterfly123 nominated WhispersOfTheHeart for this post in Conflict and how to deal with it

WhispersOfTheHeart wrote: »

Sounds like it was a great chat, I'm guessing there won't be a chat transcript for this, as people had to sign up before entering?!

I think I'm similar to you in how I deal with conflict, I will be headstrong at times, and be blunt and aggressive until I've managed to somehow get my point across. But it varies on who the conflict is with, in relation to me, I also often take a step back, brush it off my shoulder, and allow it to bug me, where I'll come up with all sorts of things I could have said in the moment later, I have a habit of dwelling of pointless stuff. And I doubt I'm not the only one that does that. I often struggle to find that middle line in-between the conflict, because I forget I need to take a step back.

Conflict triggers tend to be when someone disagree's with me, I know that sounds rather petty, but I'm someone whose really head strong, and will get my point across, and share reasons to to why I disagree with an individual, another one if when I'm in a mardy, and kinda just want to kick of on people close to me, etc. Again, I need to remember to take a step back,and really look at the situation to try and calm myself down, why am I causing this conflict, etc.

And I can learn from these conflict triggers, to know how those around me might be feeling, and be more considerate of those, avoid situations that may lead to conflict, for example, specific people, etc, and also look for a middle line in the conflict and looking at the whole situation rationally, rather than irrationally. I guess it's about noticing things, and taking it step by step.

Can't wait to hear other people's views on conflict though, get sharing guys And without doubt some of the things might cross over to other people's like mine has with Peapie, but yes, get sharing

butterfly123 nominated MikeS for this post in Christmas ranty thread

MikeS wrote: »

Just to echo was some other people have said...

It seriously annoys me how commercialised it all is now. People are going out to buy things they know won't be used or even wanted sometimes. I, personally, would be more than happy if everyone around me agreed not to buy each other anything and instead we all spent a little money on a nice day out or something. Or hell, just didn't spend anything and had a night in playing some games or watching some films. Receiving a card or a present isn't about kindness any more. It's about a pointless social process in which we all decide we need to buy each other things so nobody looks cheap or selfish. Usually that involves buying a present better or equal to the one we receive so we're not made to look tight. You receive a gift and it basically says "you owe this person a gift of this cost or higher". Meaning is disappearing. We're buying things for the sake of buying them and it's just not necessary.

Consumerism is destroying what the holidays mean. Okay, maybe that's a very cynical view... but it's getting to me a lot right now. I'm trying so hard to save and to keep on top of things then Christmas rolls around and suddenly I feel like I need to spend all this money on people just for fear of looking tight fisted. Here's an idea: why don't people try to build a memory this Christmas and not a stress and debt filled nightmare? You can throw £300 at a new next generation console but give it a couple of years and it'll be gathering dust. Instead, let's all try and remember the festive spirit and create moments we'll have forever.

On a related note, people should all take a leaf out of this guy's book (this is well worth a watch for those of you who haven't seen it - it only takes 4 minutes of your time!):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__9-VgvZYWM

Emmalee nominated WayneS for this post in Plan Your Week

WayneS wrote: »

No, stay awake and play some Christmas songs, songs you can sing along to, like this.

We wish you a mery Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year.
Best bourbons we bring,
For WayneS the king,
We wish him a merry Christmas
and a happy new year.

The words to that one are easy to remember.

And finally, butterfly123 nominated Infinite. for this post in Is it ever OK to lie?

Infinite. wrote: »

The day people stop lying to each other is the day this world grinds to a halt.

Everyone lies. From the minute you open your eyes we start lying to ourselves. We'd spend all day in bed with the covers over our heads panicking about the world if we didn't.

Forget alcohol, lies are the true social lubricant. Imagine a world where everyone told the completely unvarnished truth. Imagine the hurt feelings staved off by an inconsequential white lie. Every sentence you've wrapped up in a nice way to avoid upsetting someone? That's pouring lie sauce over the top of the truth to make it more palatable.

If a child asks you about global thermonuclear war, do you tell them the horrific truth about the scorched wasteland the world will become? Christ, no! You lie!

Show me someone who claims to always tell the truth and I'll show you the biggest liar of them all.

The sooner you accept that the 'Truth' is a moving target, the happier you will be.

Merry Christmas!

Thanks to everyone who nominated and get voting!