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Difficult break up

Jb1234Jb1234 Posts: 1 Just got here
Hey guys,

I’m nervous to break up with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for about a year and a half, he’s a lovely guy and I think he’d make a fantastic boyfriend to someone else. However, we fight all the time, we rarely go a day without at least bickering. The thought of him coming over makes me annoyed and I honestly just want to me alone.
My problem is, he moved from Florida to be with me in Brighton (although he lied and said it was for his family who also live here) and Im worried what this will do to him. I would want him to move back to Florida so he can be with his immediate family and friends and be happy because I don’t think I can make him happy.
We were long distance for a long time and sadly we just haven’t worked out. We’re both so young, 21 and 22 years old, I don’t see the point trying to make this struggling relationship work when we can just cut our losses and hopefully find our soul mates. I just feel very guilty and worried for him and his mental health, and I hope that he’ll be okay. How do I get over this guilt? And how do I break up with him gently, and make sure he’ll be okay? Help me! I feel so selfish and awful I don’t know what to do!


  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey @Jb1234 welcome to our forums! :)

    I've gone through a difficult breakup quite recently, so the only advice I can give you is contact your boyfriend's parents/family, explain your situation and seek their advice. Since they are family to him then they should know him pretty well and give you better advice about what to tell him. If they think their son would be better off returning to Florida, then they probably will tell him.

    Arguing constantly is destructive and demeaning, especially if he has been unpleasant whereas you have only been honest and upfront with him, which IMO I think was the best and only way.

    I also suffer guilt in not explaining to my partner at the time how I felt. But, I feel there is a limit where we stop feeling guilty and try find a new path to walk on, walking away from our relationship that clearly hasn't worked. I should think he may feel the same way, but both of you have lives to live like I have a life away from my partner, but I will not blame myself further and neither should you. Put to the past any failings. This is what I am having to do, both for me and the young girl I look after and am responsible for.

    You may find these two links from The Mix helpful.

    Mental Health. http://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health

    Sex & Relationships. http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships

    Wish I could help you more. Be brave like me. You can get past this.

    Best wishes,

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,301 Skive's The Limit
    Hi JB1234

    Its not really selfish and i dont think you should feel guilty. I understand where those feelings can come from though. But your intentions are good, the relationship isnt working and although break ups are hard, he wouldnt want you to be in a relationshsip you dont want. Or just a relationship that isnt going very far. And you saying “i dont think i can make him happy” sounds thoughtful - definetly not selfish

    You said that you argue a lot, so will he be too suprised? Maybe he will have a sense himself that it isnt working. How you think he will react? I think it would be best not for it to turn into an argument & if he does get anger, probs best to do your best to not get defence either

    I dont really know a gentle way of how to break up with someone, without being too obvious. But maybe just be honest with him but not harsh or something. And then maybe towards the end decide on is youre going to keep in contact or not at all?

    All the best
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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