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Possibly saved by my cousin (trigger warning)
One-in-a-million
Posts: 599 Incredible Poster
So it was a good few years back when I was 15, I’m nit sure what started it but I think it was due to bullying, feeling worthless and feeling like I would fail at everything. I felt so down I started distancing myself from my friends, I had no interest in going out and I basically hated myself. While I wouldn’t say I was suicidal I had thought about what life would be like without me and to be fair it seemed better without me in it. I couldn’t shale this feeling although I had no intention of doing anything despite thinking about not being here.
People who know me will know I’m extremely close to my 3 younger cousins who are now 18, 11 (almost) and 12.
My 12 year old cousin was about 5ish back then and I remember sitting in the kitchen feeling like absolute crap. When all of a sudden she came over to me and crawled up on me knee. She cuddled me tight and then asked “Emma will I see you when I’m older” I smiled at this and replied “yes of course you will” she was still cuddling me and said “even when I’m 90” This made me laugh
and again I replied you can see me forever and ever. Still holding on to me she said “thats good... I love you and would miss you if I wouldn’t see you again”
Those words meant so much to me... it was after that I realised that I was needed for her, for my family” I will admit it didn’t change things over night but slowly I started feeling more confident. I spoke out about the bullying and began telling myself the words she said that day. I slowly began feeling better. I think it started to come in waves after that rarther than feeling very low all the time I started having much better days.
I think it was 12-18 months after I decided to go to the doctors about these low feelings he put me temporarily on anti depressants (although I wasn’t formally diagnosed) and said it could be due to the events of what happened and may pass with time but sent me to a support group. This also help me as well as counselling at college. I was only on anti depressants for about 6 months and carried on with the counselling for a further 3 months. And I feel like I’m a completely different person. Sure I have bad days just like everyone else, but to think that I could have sank deeper if I didn’t seek support is very shocking and sad. I feel as if it was a 5 year olds words that put me back on track.
I suppose what I’m trying to say here is tell the people you love that you love them, tell them how much you need them and give hope to those who are struggling. You may save someone from sinking into a deep mental illness or worse.
People who know me will know I’m extremely close to my 3 younger cousins who are now 18, 11 (almost) and 12.
My 12 year old cousin was about 5ish back then and I remember sitting in the kitchen feeling like absolute crap. When all of a sudden she came over to me and crawled up on me knee. She cuddled me tight and then asked “Emma will I see you when I’m older” I smiled at this and replied “yes of course you will” she was still cuddling me and said “even when I’m 90” This made me laugh
and again I replied you can see me forever and ever. Still holding on to me she said “thats good... I love you and would miss you if I wouldn’t see you again”Those words meant so much to me... it was after that I realised that I was needed for her, for my family” I will admit it didn’t change things over night but slowly I started feeling more confident. I spoke out about the bullying and began telling myself the words she said that day. I slowly began feeling better. I think it started to come in waves after that rarther than feeling very low all the time I started having much better days.
I think it was 12-18 months after I decided to go to the doctors about these low feelings he put me temporarily on anti depressants (although I wasn’t formally diagnosed) and said it could be due to the events of what happened and may pass with time but sent me to a support group. This also help me as well as counselling at college. I was only on anti depressants for about 6 months and carried on with the counselling for a further 3 months. And I feel like I’m a completely different person. Sure I have bad days just like everyone else, but to think that I could have sank deeper if I didn’t seek support is very shocking and sad. I feel as if it was a 5 year olds words that put me back on track.
I suppose what I’m trying to say here is tell the people you love that you love them, tell them how much you need them and give hope to those who are struggling. You may save someone from sinking into a deep mental illness or worse.
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Comments
Thank you v much for sharing. Interesting and quite powerful. I am so glad to read youre doing okay with things and managing well and gives me some hope when i read things like this.
Personally i think i maybe i have gone wayy too deep into depression. Either that or i am selfish. I rememeber my sister just telling me something similar a few weeks ago, although it was nice to hear for a seconds - Later all i could think was ‘you dont know what would be good for you’ and ‘im just a burden’. And thinking ‘youre only saying to be nice’
But i also guess what youre trying to say aswel is - when you start living for others- you can actually end up living for yourself
Thank you for posting the story of what you've gone through it was very brave of you to share some of what's happened in your life. It was a very touching story and hopefully it'll help inspire other people on the boards to look towards the people who care for them. I think we all need support from one another from time to time and seeing your story about how much your cousin helped you is definitely a testament to that. Now you just gotta make sure you live to be 100 so your cousin can see you when they're 90!
- Riley