Mummys to be!

Mummy1994

Hey
Im new to this page, desperate need of support. Im currently pregnant and due in August. However i have no family support and minimal friends.
I am not with the father of the baby but new my nee man.
Clearly my ex doesn't like this and is trying to nake things hard for me in terms of saying baby isn't allowed near my new partner etc. However, after talking to some ladies at work, they said that the labour is about me.. And my birthing partners are ny choice... Problem is that i want my current partner there because he is supportive and knows how to keep me calm etc but standard that father wants to be therr too which is fine but he doesn't know how best to support me and we tend to argue lots.
Am i wrong for wantin current partner as second birthing partner?
Is the labour about supporting me best to bring my son into the world?
How can i talk to the father about it because i kbow he will go through the roof and kick off big time. And unfortunately the only girl i have to speak to is fathers best friend so im really stuck.
What rights do i have as mum!?

Im so confused! And so alone in this has i have no one neutral to talk too. I know if i asked ny current partner he would gladly be therr to support me but i know father of baby will kick off big time. Help me please 😢😢😢😢

PuffinEthics

Hi @Mummy1994

That sounds like a difficult situation.
First off, your not alone, it sounds like the ladies at work were giving you some support? And at the mix we're all here to support you.
It's also great that you have a supportive partner that wants to be there for you.

I would say that your not wrong for wanting your partner there, and the father isn't wrong for wanting to be there, both sides make sense.
Could you just try explaining the situation to your partner first, and talking it through, then going to the father after and explaining how you feel?
The first chat could help with the second.
Would it give everyone some clarity if you told them how you are feeling?
At the end of the day, you are the one going through child birth,
you should be comfortable, but everyone could be part of the process in some way?

It is harder because the father has that attitude towards your partner, saying he can't go near the child etc, it can make things difficult, was this something said in an argument? does your partner know this, and how do you feel about that?

My friend is pregnant for the first time, and she's been using this app https://www.peanut-app.io/ to meet mums and make friends, maybe you could look into that and some people may have similar experiences?

Let us know how you're getting on,

We're keen to listen and try to help all the way,

PuffinEthics:rainbow2:

Mummy1994

Unfortunately the ladies were from a training group and i am unlikely to see them again.
The father is a 'his way only' kinda guy, he very focused on himself and wont see anything from my perspective. He would make me out to be the horrible person and i would have all his family and friends messaging me too. If i was to go ahead and he kicked off, do i have the right to say i dont want him in the Labour with me?

And i will have a look, thank you xx

Lucy307

Hey @Mummy1994

I found a good article on birth partners here: https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536332/the-role-of-a-birth-partner. This tells you all about the important role they play in the birth and also explains why there's absolutely no obligation for it to be the child's biological father. As you are the one having the baby, it's your decision so absolutely within your right to choose Hope this helps?

- Lucy :rainbow:

Candlestick56

Hey @Mummy1994,

First of all, don’t panic. You still have time to come to a decision about who you want to be there at the birth.

The ladies from your training group were right though, this is your decision and you absolutely have the right to say you don’t want the father to be there. Him being manipulative and wanting things his way is not the right reason to let him be the birth partner- he shouldn’t bully you into that. I can completely understand why you want your new partner as your birthing partner when you know he will support you. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Maybe the father and his friends won’t see it like that, but it doesn’t matter. The labour should be about supporting you to bring your son into the world in the right way, as you say.

I think the best thing to do would be to try and talk to the father about your feelings and explain that while you understand he wants to see the birth of his son, you are worried it will be too stressful for you if he is actually there in the room because you know you will argue (he must be aware that you argue a lot?).

Maybe it will help if you say that he can see his son as soon as he’s born but during the labour and birth itself you’d just rather he wasn’t in the room. If he reacts unreasonably to this, then you can point to his behaviour as the reason you don’t want him there and if he kicks off even more and you are worried he will try to come anyway, then yes you do have the right to tell the hospital you don’t want him in the room.