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Anxiety is bad.

hnh_xhnh_x Posts: 10 Settling in
in Health & Wellbeing
Hey
​
So I guess I needed a place to share how I've been feeling and seek advice from people who might feel the same. I hope I'm good to do that here (I'm still super nooby haha, feel free to move if this is the wrong place).

​When I was really young, I was diagnosed with anxiety (I'm assuming it's just general anxiety disorder, I can't remember the specifics). It's been a lot of ups and downs since then and right now, I'm in another slump. Around a month ago, things were really looking up. I was starting to get past my triggers slowly and my confidence was improving leaps and bounds. My parents were encouraging me to start working (I'm 17 years old by the way) and I felt ready to take this step. I got a job at a local fast food place after applying to multiple different retail jobs. I coped reasonably on my first shift, my managers were lovely and I didn't mess up too badly. My shift ended at 10pm, I got home, tried to go to sleep and my mental health completely crashed. My mind just started spinning and spinning. I went to see my parents and then just completely broke down into tears/anxiety attacks. This happened again after each shift. Beforehand, I started to panic and panic until I would make myself almost physically unwell.

​A week ago, I resigned from my job because I started showing symptoms of depression too. I was struggling to eat all of my meals, I'd lost my love for doing things, I just ended up crying most of the time. It was rough.
​I saw my GP last Wednesday and she recommended I try out some charity counselling websites, since I'm too old to be put on the CAMHS waiting list and too young for adult therapy (I also have a follow-up appointment in 2 weeks). I thought I was getting better after this, because everything now seemed to have a sense of direction. I had been looking forward to seeing a movie with my friends last Saturday and lo and behold, my anxiety feelings came back. I was physically unwell twice before I went into the cinema but I still managed to go in and watch it (because hey, it was "Love, Simon". I wasn't gonna miss that for the world!).

​I've been finding that I'm getting fixated on things that I'm even only slightly worried about. Today I went to see my family and all I was focused on was what could go wrong. I couldn't look beyond that and find things to look forward to, I couldn't look beyond this one event. The same happened for the movie day. Every time something comes up, it's all I can think about and I find myself almost spiralling down a hole of anxiety. I can't look forward to things in the future because I can't look beyond this hole. It isn't just events either. I'll get fixated on things such as whether or not I was set homework, if my friends give me a vague answer then I will just panic about it until I know. I have coping mechanisms, my grandma recommended breath mints for nausea and I take herbal rescue remedy when things are really bad but they're just temporary fixes. It's starting to make me quite miserable because I know that what I'm feeling or thinking is irrational. I know that it isn't really how I should be feeling. It even happens with things I know I should be excited about. It's really just taking the fun out of everything in my life and messing with my head. I just keep feeling like I want to go back to life before I got the job because I was​ getting so much better. It feels like I've just hit a wall and it's so frustrating. I'm worried about how long this will go on and I'm worried that all of my emotional progress is going to be for nothing.

​This ended up much longer than I thought it would, haha. Thank you if you read it all. I would really appreciate if anyone had any advice for me.

​Hannah :heart:

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Heya Hannah!

    Sounds like things got suddenly bad with the space of a month? Maybe it may not feel like it - but how well you was doing before the job, doesn’t change the things you achieved like improving confidence. You still did it which means you can again. Your emotional progress is definitely not worth nothing. Set backs are unfortunately part of recovery but will help you to build strength and doesn’t mean you’re now stuck here. Even though it can definitely feel that way.

    Do you remember how you managed to improve your confidence before you got the job?

    It’s great you can work out when your anxiety got this bad- to pick out reasons why. Like maybe a fast food job isn’t a job you’d like ? Or you need ways to distract yourself after a shift?I dunno

    I understand is hard to look past events or see things as bigger picture when your anxiety is so bad. But you Can always start small steps and only focus on smaller things to not overwhelm your self.

    Things like going to your gp takes a lot and is great you even did that - aswell as going to the cinema and posting on here. All things that may seem small but actually is a lot and shows determination
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    MirabelleMirabelle Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    Hello Hannah :)

    I think you were brave asking your GP's advice, and believe that with time you'll be able to handle this because it can be reined in. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), but control it by deep breathing. This technique works brilliantly before I go onstage when anxiety is always at its highest.

    You can either do this standing up or lying down, just ensure you have a straight back. First, breath in through your nose slowly, filling up your body from the bottom of your stomach upwards. Before letting the air out, hold it for a second or two, then exhale. Repeating this method was a big success for me. It helped me cope with stressful situations like exams, coursework and allowed me more space to think. This method can be done anywhere: Before an exam, during work, at an interview for a job, any stressful moment you can think of. Not only does it cope with stress, it can also help calm down from panic attacks or even anger. I'm so used to this technique now that I do it automatically. And it works! :thumb:

    Every so often though, panic rises. It comes from nowhere. To tackle it I always carry a paper bag, sized about 15cm/6in or so and use it to breathe in and out of. The last time panic hit, I was shopping in a supermarket. The time before that, I was about to log into The Mix chat. Out came my paper bag.

    You see, when we get panicky we tend to over- breathe. This lowers the level of carbon dioxide in the blood and that makes us feel worse. Breathing into a paper bag for half a dozen or so slow breaths, builds up the carbon dioxide in your body again, so you should immediately start feeling better.

    I'm proud of your determination to get a grip on anxiety. I know sometimes it can feel like an uphil struggle. But we will get there in the end, I really believe it.:rainbow2:

    Wishing you all the best,

    ~ Belle
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    hnh_xhnh_x Posts: 10 Settling in
    Thank you Shaunie that's so sweet of you! I've been trying to organise some more little trips out with my friends in hope that it starts building my confidence back up again (they're all aware of it). My parents have also been trying to give me some good ways to distract myself in the evenings, since even though I don't have the job anymore, I still find evenings quite hard.

    The deep breathing technique sounds great Belle, I'm definitely going to try that next time I feel an attack coming on. I've written it down to remind myself!

    Thank you both for being so lovely! It really means a lot *hug*
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    RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi Hannah

    Sounds like a great idea that you have tried to organise some little trips out with your friends so that you are able to build your confidence and starting small is a great idea. Finding little things which you are able to do in the evenings is a great idea do you have any hobbies which you really enjoy to do? Talking about things is a great thing so well do.

    Always here for you.
    Rayofhope:rainbow::rainbow2:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,618 Legendary Poster
    Hiya Hannah,

    Yes this is absolutely the right place, and it’s absolutely okay to write how you feel here!! This a is a lovely place with lovely people! And by the way, welcome!! I’m glad you’ve found us!!

    I don’t really have any actual advice for you but the breathing technique Belle suggested is a really great one - it’s amazing what taking a few seconds to focus on something as natural as breathing can do.

    Remember this though - You’ve made progress before. You can definitely make progress again! The fact that you’ve made that previous progress shows your strength. You can do thissss! I know you can!
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    I hope you enjoy your days out with friends!!
    Let us know how that follow up appointment goes if you’d like
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    hnh_xhnh_x Posts: 10 Settling in
    Thank you for your lovely messages! My follow up appointment is on Wednesday.
    I started sixth form again this week which I think has helped to get my mental health a bit more stable since its given me so much to do. I'm probably going to start jogging in the afternoons after this heatwave passes too so it gives me a chance to destress and feel good during the evening.

    I'll let you all know how the appointment goes!
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,618 Legendary Poster
    Aww i hope the appt goes well😊
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    MirabelleMirabelle Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    Hi Hannah

    How are things with you now? Did your appointment go well? :)

    *Hugs*

    ~ Belle
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