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Did he cheat on me?

Former MemberFormer Member NoobPosts: 29 Boards Initiate
in Sex & Relationships
I think he has but I'm not sure.
He has come home with scratches on his back. He said he did them himself!?
He has texted his ex most days and all day when hes supposed to be enjoying our time with me.
He always hides his phone, and takes it everywhere with him. He's was a bit moody bit then started acting really nice and spending all his money on himself. He even goes out alot now and I think he went red when he "left his wallet in his step dads car" and had to go back to the pub to ask for it back. Ive wanted to follow him but he'll instantly know it was me and wonder where I had gone if he came back and I wasn't there.
One time he came back looking drunk and said would I forgive him because he had been punching someone over and over again in a fight and had to stop off at someones house to wash off the blood on his hands. I thought he was lying and had actually slept with his ex.
He still talks to her and I don't want to come between him and his friends but I am really not okay with all this. He seems to demand stuff sexually too and I just feel it is all too much.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Owl Whisperer Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    I'd never trust someone who keeps in contact with their ex. I'd never have a lover who demands sexual stuff that I'd feel uncomfortable with, so unless your guy is a contortionist or has one of those nasty plastic back scratchers that get sold to tourists, I'd say that he's been messing with you big time, is a lying bastard and been screwing his ex or enjoying extra-curricular in the mattress department with others. For all his other excuses I'd drop him like a hot potato. Tell him to Fuck Off and get yourself someone who really cares, is nice and gentle to you because you owe it to yourself.

    I wish you all the very best, really I do.

    ~Belle



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 118 The Mix Convert
    Hey @Stars2,
    You don't need to be ok with something that makes you not feel at ease.
    What you have described is suspicious, but it's up to your partner giving you an explanation about everything as you deserve to know what's going on.
    Despite everything, if you have a doubt, you have the right to try to shed light on it. So I'd suggest that you talk to him and ask for explanations about everything makes you feel uncomfortable.
    Don't do what you don't want to do. If he asks something that you are not ok with, you are free to say no!!

    Fran
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 151 Helping Hand
    Hey Stars2,

    I fully agree with everything Fran has said. I always say that communication is key, and it is. If you try bringing it up, or at least how you're feeling, and he doesn't respect you, I don't think I'd personally want to stay with a person like that. You don't need to force yourself to stay with someone if they're making you feel like this, because you deserve so much more.

    However, I don't think it's always a really bad thing for people to stay in contact with their exes, because sometimes people might break up on a friendly note, realising their feelings aren't anything more than what they'd have for any other friend. I'm not saying it's always like this, perhaps even most the time it's more negative, or they may have lingering feelings, but I don't want to completely ignore this possibility either. If this were the case, I wouldn't want to pass off their relationship as cheating, but I wouldn't completely ignore this possibility either.

    Honestly, it sounds like there's a lack of trust in your relationship, and it doesn't sit well with me when partners try to check each other's phones, for example, because it sounds like something that could lead into a controlling/unhealthy relationship.There could be so many different reasons as to why these sorts of relationships occur, but, regardless, I think the most important thing to do is to try communicate about your feelings, rather than take the matter into your own hands and try peer into their phones/follow them... etc. I think directly speaking to your partner about it is better since you're respecting both your feelings, rather than perhaps letting an action be a gateway into future actions, but maybe I'm being pessimistic.

    If, at the end of the day, you still don't feel confident/secure/comfortable, I would at least consider leaving the other person because, again, you don't deserve to feel this way.

    -peachysoo
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hey. I agree with what’s been said above. Shouldn’t feel this way and better communication could help. It’s also concerning to read you saying he demands sexual stuff. Hope is all consensual. Do what feel comfortable and tell him how you feel.

    All the best & take care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    Hi Stars2,

    Those things alone could easily be explained by other things, but with all those things combined I can see why you're suspicious. ​I don't think following him is a good idea, as this will most likely lead to more problems, but if you don't trust him then is this a relationship you really want to be in anyway? The fact that he is texting his ex all day while he's with you is not fair on you, and if he is demanding things sexually from you, then that suggests to me that he doesn't respect you in the way that he should. Also, do you feel comfortable being with someone who allegedly beat someone up so badly on a night out that he had to wash the blood off his hands before coming to see you? If that's true, I worry for your safety being in a relationship with someone like that and if it's not true then I wonder what kind of person makes that up? You haven't said much about the relationship so I'm aware that we're only seeing one side, but if it's getting too much for you as you say it is, are you able to leave? Look after yourself as number one.

    -Lizzie
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    You should not made to feel this way. Intimacy should always be consensual, but if you are in any way uncomfortable, then he should back off. I doubt a relationship like this should ever last because there are lovelier guys out there who will treat a lady with deference and kindness. Stand your ground and tell him to leave. You deserve far better than this!

    -Floxy
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