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Break up after 1 year of dating a great women - Need Help and Advice

Lostrelation2018Lostrelation2018 Posts: 1 Just got here
A little back history, I was married for 16 years before my wife died 3 years ago. A year after her passing I decided to see what it was like to start dating again. in March of 2017 I meet this incredible women on Match.com. We it hit off immediately, We had everything in common, at least I thought, Her husband had passed way 3 years ago, She had a daughter in high school, I had a son in high school. We saw each other constantly 2-3 times a week, texted each other good morning and good night, and talked on the phone once a day. We went on mini vacations to together through out the year, our kids met and I met her entire family. We spent Holidays together, Christmas, Thanksgiving and New Years. The shortly after the new year everything seemed a little different. Her best friend who had supported my girlfriend through her husbands passing quit her job, the same place that my girl friend worked at. A week later my girlfriend decided to quit because she didn't enjoy working at the location without her friend. My girlfriend got another job at the same organization as her friend but differ location. She still was very unhappy even with the new position, A couple of weeks later her friend said there was an opening at the same location and that my girlfriend should request a transfer so they could work together. My girlfriend but in the transfer and was happy to be working with her friend. Around this same time, this same friend was also getting a divorce from her husband which they had been together for 16-20 years. My girl friend could see how devastated her friend was; no eating, sleeping and worried. During this whole time my girlfriend and I continued to see each other several times a week, had fun and still never fought about anything. We had plans for our 1 year anniversary and Easter with her family. On the 2nd weekend of March 2018, my girlfriend and I went out of town for the day, It seems like she had fun, eating lunch, and just enjoying something new. We got back mid afternoon-and I would her I would talk to her that evening as always. I received a text a few hours later saying that she was going to go out with her friend for drinks and would talk with me in the morning. She still texted " I Love you" and I did the same. The next morning I received the worst text I could imagine... "Can we talk" I know something wasn't right. We meet at Starbucks and she said that she has had a good time with me this year, has grown in our relationship and feels that she needs to grow individually and feels that our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend has come to an end. She says its not another man, and she doesn't want to date anyone. Over the past month I can't sleep, really eat and feel like I've lost my soulmate for the 2nd time in 5 years. I tried calling and she has blocked my calls and text. I feel so lost and need guidance.


  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @Lostrelation2018

    I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you, break ups can be extremely difficult and distressing, especially as it seems to have come out of nowhere. Firstly, there is a really good article here with some support links http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/how-do-i-get-over-a-break-up-4176.html that I think might help.

    Do you have any friends or family you could lean on for a bit? It sounds like she needs some space at this time, having blocked your calls etc. She might speak to you again when she is ready, she might not, so it is really important to try and lean on other trusted ones right now. If it's just going out for a coffee, or getting them to come to you and watch TV together. Do you have anything you really enjoy doing that you can distract yourself with?

    You are clearly stronger than you think having been through the loss of your wife, you will be strong again, it just will hurt for a while. We're here for you here to listen, talk and try and help where we can *hug*

    - Lucy :rainbow:
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Tee ATee A Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Hi @Lostrelation2018 !

    ​Thank-you for feeling confident enough to share your history with The Mix.

    ​That's quite a lot to take in there. But, don't worry there are so many things you can do.

    ​I know break-ups can feel horrible, especially if you as an individual feel the relationship is going very well. However, just try to remember that you will not feel upset and lost forever. Time will help. It appears as though your relationship with your ex-girlfriend was very loving as you had met her family and her child. For this reason it may be even more upsetting for you. I'd like you to remember that feeling lost after a break-up is completely normal. I would like to think you have a close friend or a family member you could release your emotions to. This could be a good way for you to allow your emotions to 'escape'. Also, I would suggest not contacting her. As you have said that she has blocked you, this can only imply that she does not want to communicate with you. Trying to contact her may only hinder your healing process, therefore I suggest you focus on yourself for a while. Maybe go out with a few friends and try taking part in things you love to do.

    ​Another piece of advice. Maybe you should wait a while before getting into another relationship. I only say this as it appears as though you have not quite healed from the loss of your wife (
    I've lost my soulmate for the 2nd time in 5 years)
    . When you've complete healed, you can re-join the dating world. "There are plenty of fish in the sea". Try not to worry about finding your soulmate.

    ​Just remember time is essential. In a few days, weeks, months and years you will look back at this break-up and may feel nothing towards it.

    ​A tip: Try not to reflect back on this relationship negatively. I like to think of my past relationships positively because there were so many good times.

    ​Good luck through this period of your life *hug*

    -Tee A
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