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How do you feel when your partner uses their phone during a conversation?

AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
in Sex & Relationships
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Hey everyone,

We can almost always connect to our friends because of the technology at our fingertips, and this can be positive for our relationships, but it can also get in the way of them.

How does it make you feel when your partner looks at their phone when you’re trying to talk to them about something?


Look forward to hearing your thoughts!

- Aife
Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Owl Whisperer Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    It pisses me off no end.

    I reach across, take the phone out of Jules' hand and switch it off. And put it beside me. She blushes and apologises. I grin back and get conversation.

    Similarly, I can't stand someone clicking their pen. Like when my doctor was clicking his pen and I was trying to talk - I reached across, took the pen out of his hand, laid it back down on the desk. And continued talking.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 150 Helping Hand
    Hey!

    ​This is actually something that my partner and I are trying to overcome so I'm interested to see what everyone else thinks!

    ​After travelling for a year together we really cut ourselves off from technology, but since coming back around 6 months ago we are now constantly online.
    ​For instance, we study online, we volunteer online, we work online and we also run 2 business-type social media accounts. So we are constantly on our phones doing this.

    ​We both hate it. It's obviously not a nice feeling to be ignored. We don't feel connected to each other and if this is happening during a conversation it is even worse as you're not being heard. You can feel the other person's attention being pulled away and you don't feel as important as this 'phone'.

    But I also know that for us, right now...we can't really avoid it! So, we actually try and set the evening times for when we are away from phones or technology.

    ​So I guess I'm suggesting that if this happens to you - talk about it! Tell your partner how you are feeling. Sometimes you're distracted or busy and it's easy to grab your phone. But gently reminding your partner that it can wait will help, then next time they'll know not to. And set times aside when those phones have gotta go!

    ​-PositiveAura:rainbow2:

  • Former MemberFormer Member Newbie Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
    My family do stuff like this all the time, regularly during meals they'll all be staring at their phones. I've always been kind of uncomfortable having a phone and I only got one recently because I have to use it to circumvent the firewall in the school's wifi
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 151 Helping Hand
    I feel like it depends on the situation. Sometimes, I personally find it a bit awkward if myself and another person/party of other people are sitting in silence, and sometimes going on your phone is a comforting way to sort of deal with the silence while it lasts. Obviously, it's not ideal - it would be lovely to just be able to interact without phones in these sort of situations, I think, but sometimes it's not so easy. I'm not too bothered by other people being on their phone generally, but if I'm trying to talk to the other person directly, especially if it's about something serious (e.g. something that matters to me), then it would make me feel annoyed and maybe even a bit hurt and disheartened. I do realise that sometimes the other person doesn't necessarily mean any harm; they might not just realise/notice that you want to talk. I doubt many people, if they care about you at least, would go out of their way to ignore you/not really pay attention to you, but keep their focus on their phone instead. It is important to let the other person know how it makes you feel though, definitely. Maybe even just a tap on the shoulder to get their full attention? Eye contact is important, I think. I personally don't agree with snatching the phone out of someone's hand and confiscating it; it's a bit too aggressive in my opinion, but I suppose how people react to this differs between relationships; there's no right way to deal with it and have it work for everyone.

    -peachysoo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Owl Whisperer Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    ZeeZee wrote: »
    My family do stuff like this all the time, regularly during meals they'll all be staring at their phones. I've always been kind of uncomfortable having a phone and I only got one recently because I have to use it to circumvent the firewall in the school's wifi

    Your buying a phone to leapfrog your school's firewall is artful and clever and I agree with you that everyone are staring at their phones. No wonder you hate phones, they are conversation's biggest killer.

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I dont have a partner but can see how annoying it would be and feel like the phone is more important than them. I find it soo annoying when im speaking to anyone and they wont put their phone down.


    (Hate to be petty but in the title,im guessing you meant 'uses' instead of 'users'?. Probs only me who gets confused quick.)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey everyone thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this topic. It sounds like a few of you feel ignored and not important when your partner uses their phone. Often it can be difficult talking to a partner or friend about how much they use their phone.

    What advice would you give to someone who feels their partner or friend is using their phone too much?

    - Aife

    (Thank you Shaunie for noticing my typo in the title! :p I've now corrected it!)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 118 The Mix Convert
    Hey everyone!!
    I think it's really frustrating that we have become so dependent on our phones that we can avoid checking it constantly, even if we are with our partner or friends. It's become an addition so it's hard even to notice that it can be rude to do that, but we can change it!
    I think that it's important to talk when something annoys us. There's no need to start an argument. We could simply explain that when two people are talking and one of them check the phone it causes distractions and ruins the interaction, so we could challenge our partner or friend and try not to use the phone for some time. it could also be funny and it could help us rediscover the pleasure of having a real conversation and of listening :)

    - Fran
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @Aife

    My partner and I are guilty of this at times but don't do it much as we understand it's rude. If it were to happen, I would say 'what are you doing there?' and he'll laugh and put his phone down... I'd do the same. Honesty's the best policy and I'm very lucky to be with someone I can be honest with and also someone with the same attitude that there's more to life than our phones :hyper: making a bit of a joke of it helps me!

    - Lucy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 150 Helping Hand
    Hey @Aife

    "What advice would you give to someone who feels their partner or friend is using their phone too much?"


    I agree with Lucy in the above post, honesty is the best policy. If you are feeling this way with your partner/friend then the best thing you can do it let them know how you are feeling. If you hold these thoughts in it can keep happening, build up, and become an even bigger issue.

    Sometimes the other person may not be conscious of how much they are on their device, and other times they may have something important that is going on.

    Just calmly saying how you are feeling and asking if there is any important reason for using the device can open up that communication between you and sort the problem out pretty quickly.

    Then you could suggest some 'no device' quality time which can really help! :)

    -PositiveAura
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