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Do parents affect our romantic relationships

EstherEsther ModeratorPosts: 31
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Hey Everyone , arguments in relationships are often referred to as 'conflict', although arguments in relationships are often normal the nature of this conflict is key in determining the effects on the relationship and that of any child present. Therefore How does your parents relationship affect your own romantic relationships?

Look forward to seeing your comments:hyper::hyper::hyper::hyper:

Comments

  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    My aunt Wendi has taken me on since my own adoptive mother died, and she has been nothing but supportive, is a super listener and been gentle in encouraging me through what has been the darkest time of my life. She is being especially good with my girl Jules who loves her very much. Wendi is completely non-judgemental of my sexuality and that of Jules' and takes no hard stance unlike what other mums might. We live in the same house and the property is big enough so we all have own space, and I think that can contribute to better harmony in my family.

    I've never had cause to be angry or upset in any way with my girl Jules. Wendi is also mum to her and has been helpful, engaging and really great fun to be with.

    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 617 Extreme Poster
    My parents have a pretty good relationship and they didn't rush into marriage or kids (were together 10 years before they got married) - I have found myself adopting a similar attitude to my own relationships, not rushing and keeping it chilled. They hardly have arguments and nor do I :d think I'm very lucky, they are great role models.
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • EstherEsther Moderator Posts: 31
    Hey Lucy and Belle thank you for your comments, it is really interesting to hear your thoughts on this topic.

    What can you learn from your parents arguments in your own relationships ?
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Esther wrote: »
    Hey Lucy and Belle thank you for your comments, it is really interesting to hear your thoughts on this topic.

    What can you learn from your parents arguments in your own relationships ?

    Nothing, sorry to say. I have no parents. They are dead.
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My parents are also dead, however we can learn from when they were here and how their relationship affected our own relationships in life. My parents marriage was I believe loving and respectful, I followed this is in my life having the same values. Sometimes we can look through rose tinted glasses imagining that everything was always rosy and lovely, every relationship has its ups and downs and it is how we react to and manage the difficulties that is important.
    Yes, I hear you say, easier said that done, but we can move towards this and learn from every situation. I used to get very upset when my parents argued, I wanted harmony, again that is not realistic. Not all the time ! Remember arguments can be healthy and help to resolve conflict by clarifying how we feel. As long as we keep ourselves safe that is the most important thing and expressing how we feel in a responsible way. Hope this helps a bit.... Let me know how you all get on
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hi @Haze

    In my previous post I should have clarified that I was adopted, so never knew my original parents. I do though, much to my happiness, belong to a super loving family who rarely argue, and if they ever do it's never been in my hearing. I have never had cause to argue with either my girlfriend or anyone other than my sister Mandy, but she has left to live in France with family to take special care of her emotional needs.

    It's lovely seeing you back on the forum. :)

    Happy days!

    Belle
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 The Mix convert
    Hey Esther,

    Personally, my parents have argued quite a bit, especially in the past, but they have tended to be more one-sided. When I was really young, I don't think I took this into much consideration; of course, it was scary, but I didn't understand what was happening. As I am older, and much more aware now, I notice that, whenever my parents "argue", it's really just my dad shouting at my mum; my mum tends to just stay quiet because she thinks it makes things settle down more easily and quickly. It makes me so mad, and I've never really been so close to my dad for as long as I had realised this (a few years now).

    This may also be related to how my dad actually lives around 6 hours away from us by car (my parents aren't divorced, my parents just work elsewhere and it's quite difficult to suddenly move and get a new job, especially with finding myself and my sister a new school etc.), but I sometimes feel like I've been lacking a father figure. This is quite interesting, I think, with how I tend to be attracted to older people. I've thought about it a lot, and I sometimes feel like this is because I want the sense of security of an older figure, who may just be replacing the role as the father figure I've never really felt I've had for most my life. I don't want to say it really, but I feel like 'daddy issues' could be quite relevant with this topic.

    Overall, I feel like arguments in your parents' relationship could go either way: maybe you learn from them yourself, and what not to do in the future (potentially), or they might really affect your future relationships negatively, and I think this depends on numerous factors (e.g. what age you were witnessing these events, how frequent the arguments were and their severity... etc.)

    -peachysoo
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