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Kindle/Phone app Help Book recommendation for Teens' Sexual Assault & Abuse

MirabelleMirabelle Owl WhispererKensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
I've never told anyone of the trauma I experienced last year from being sexually assaulted. But last night I got the courage and told my aunt Wendi what happened. It was a long night during which I cried a lot. This morning, though, we found a brilliant help book. It's specifically written to help teen girls like me. It gives me hope. It could give other girls hope, too.

The Sexual Trauma Workbook for Teen Girls: A Guide to Recovery from Sexual Assault and Abuse (Instant Help Books for Teens)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sexual-Trauma-Workbook-Teen-Girls-ebook/dp/B0197SJPE2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1515236063&sr=1-4-fkmr3

Beneath the 'Kindle Edition' box is a link called: Read with Our Free App - It enabled me to download straight to my phone. It's going to be so useful because nobody in my family will ever find the book. Clicking on that link reveals a small box: "No Kindle device is required. Get it from the Apple App Store, or get it on Google Play, or downloaded from Windows Store, or available for Android."

Throught last year with nobody to talk to, I was in despair. I felt anger, shame, fear - all sorts. But now this wonderful book will help me because it can be read on my phone. My aunt is so pleased that she's also downloaded it for herself because she also is a survivor, so now we can work on it together.
'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

- Howard Gardner

Comments

  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Noob Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    Hi there I just want to say how brave you are for speaking out on here. I’m so glad you managed to speak to your aunt about what happened and that she has helped you to look for support.

    Ive had a free sample of the book which I’ve just had a look through and it really looks helpful and I’m glad you have decided to read it.

    Have you ever heard of a support website called RAINN?

    https://www.rainn.org/

    They are support organisation for survivors of sexual violence of all kinds. I spoke to them a few years ago and they helped me understand what had happened to me as I was unsure (it was sexual harassment.)

    They have a phone number and also an online chat which worked better for me as I didn’t and still don’t like talking on the phone.

    There is also a article on here that may be helpful

    http://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/victims-of-crime/was-it-sexual-assault-9145.html

    I wish you all the best

    Emma
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Hey @One-in-a-million

    I was wondering if people here didn't care because of no replies, so I'm pleased you wrote and told me because I haven't heard of RAINN. I think the site would be useful to me. I tell you what though. I found 7Cups of tea.com pretty useless. Might as well have had 7 cups of tea at my angler's club with some friendly jollity than that help site. Anyway, that article you gave me looks very good and I thank you very much.

    I suppose it is brave coming here to tell people. But I would have thought there would be far more support in this forum. Seems not, and I'm not pleased though grateful to you.

    I remain feeling very down. I had no idea that my mother was something else. It feels like everything I loved her for was as much good as trash. I feel betrayed.

    I don't come to themix so often now and chat always seems full with people jostling for attention. I will be missing one of my best friends here in a few days. But I have a good family and a lovely cousin to help me, and our loving aunt. That book is excellent, so helpful to me.

    Thank you One-in-a-million

    Belle xx
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Its not that people dont care but I know for me I have stopped posting on peoples threads apart from the odd 1 or 2 here and there because I dont think I am being very helpful so people might be having this thought to but we do care!

    Xx

    Just noticed the pic of the book I posted looks small to me so its called "letters to survivors" and by Matt Atkinson
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Noob Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    Hey :D i think sometimes people aren’t sure what to say and sometimes posts get over looked. I find some of my posts get lots of support while others of mine dont.

    If I’m honest I’ve never heard of seven cups of tea but sorry to hear they haven’t been very helpful :/

    I’m glad you have had chance to take a look at the article and I hope some of the information is beneficial to you :)

    It does take a lot of courage to speak out. While I got support at College it has taken me almost 7 years to tell my mum and then I only told her after giving advice to a friend on how to tell her Mum about something similar. While I’ve been able to heal I was shaking like a leaf when I sent her a message but it was fine in the end.

    I’m sorry you’re mother hasn’t helped you :/ and that you’re feeling down. Something I have advised my friend but never tried was to tell yourself 3 important things every morning. Depending on what you feel you’re struggling with you can change these.

    My friend felt ugly, weak, and scared. I told her to look in the mirror in the morning and say

    “I am strong, I am brave, I am beautiful.”

    Like I said I haven’t tried it but I suppose if others can shape our thoughts by their words thwn why can’t we so the same. It’s best to think about what’s making you feel down (what you’re feelings are) and tell yourself the opposite eg

    Ugly- beautiful
    Weak- strong
    Scared- brave
    Feeling like giving up- I will carry on

    Things like that. Try it for a week or two and see how you feel then. Also write down your feelings it can help clear your mind then you can decide to share it with someone or rip it up or save it in a diary.


    I know what you mean about chat it can be hard to get heard but have you tried support chat? It’s a smaller chat room and we all take turyin speaking about what we would like support with


    All the best

    Emma Xx
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Hey @One-in-a-million Thanks for replying back.

    I have tried Support Circle, but something happened when I was there previously that put me right off. I cannot talk about it on the board. And also, I no longer trust the so-called 'Confidentiality' that is supposed to be upheld in the forum because it is not. Consequently I am careful not to give too much detail in my Belle Diaries though to write in a sort of blog form has been helful to me, and here at home I have tremendous support from aunt Wendi who has been appointed foster mum to me, my cousin and Jules (Princesa who used to be a member, but has since left). I have been to the chats, but prefer General Chat where with moderator Wayndeer is such fun and he's a lovely guy who is very caring.

    I will be seeing a new counsellor to help me over that my mother did. This is in addition to the counselling me and Jules have been having with Cruise.

    This what you shared and above also is very good indeed:
    Ugly- beautiful
    Weak- strong
    Scared- brave
    Feeling like giving up- I will carry on

    Yes, I can relate to that and I am most grateful to you for coming back again to help me. :) Yes, 7Cups Of Tea was shit, basically. Might as well have had 7 cups of gin & tonic haha!
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Lostsense wrote: »
    Its not that people dont care but I know for me I have stopped posting on peoples threads apart from the odd 1 or 2 here and there because I dont think I am being very helpful so people might be having this thought to but we do care!

    Xx

    Just noticed the pic of the book I posted looks small to me so its called "letters to survivors" and by Matt Atkinson

    Sorry I missed you (sorry for double-postingtoo), but I am grateful for what you said, and will consider those things.

    Your photo was too small, but I recogniced it.

    Belle xx
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Noob Posts: 523 Incredible Poster
    Me again lol 😉

    It can be tricky on here especially with confidentiality as they are committed to but but certain problems mean they sometimes have to break it. But I know it’s not a great feeling when this happens.

    It is great to hear you find writing in blog form helpful and that you like general chat. I’m in there from time to time and agree Wayndeer is a fab mod :) think hos pervious name was Waynebow

    I’m in there from time to time but also dont use the mix a lot now due to work I just dont get time lol.

    It’s so nice to hear you have got so much support behind you :)

    Emma Xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What is it like reading this book. I thought I was dealing with my assault but I was attacked again not long ago.

    I wonder wether this would help me or if it could make things awkward for me
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 964 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi @Mirabelle

    Thanks so much for sharing the link to the help book, I'm pretty positive this will help a lot of people on here. Unfortunately a lot of us (way too many) have been through similar experiences :( and have felt lonely, angry, ashamed, a lot of what you've talked about above. How are you getting on with the book? I'm going to be giving it a read myself so will let you know how I get on too! You're not alone with what you went through and I'm glad to hear you can talk to your aunt about it too, that takes real courage.

    Please don't feel discouraged if you don't get replies straight away, a lot of us only log in every few days! Doesn't mean we don't care, we do. Always here if you need a chat *hug*

    - Lucy :rainbow:
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Me again lol 😉

    It can be tricky on here especially with confidentiality as they are committed to but but certain problems mean they sometimes have to break it. But I know it’s not a great feeling when this happens.

    It is great to hear you find writing in blog form helpful and that you like general chat. I’m in there from time to time and agree Wayndeer is a fab mod :) think hos pervious name was Waynebow

    I’m in there from time to time but also dont use the mix a lot now due to work I just dont get time lol.

    It’s so nice to hear you have got so much support behind you :)

    Emma Xx

    I really love writing, Emma. At home I write in pen and ink with a lovely silver fountain pen, but also like online blogging though I am very careful in not giving too much away. You have no idea who is reading and also, I've had a stalker. He's since gone, but during the times it was scary. frown.gif It's vital that we (meaning I) give a lot of thought first before posting. I am getting lots of support here and that includes the staff. One thing to remember is the staff can't always reply quickly because of their workload, but they will get back to us.

    Just hope 2018 is going to be better. Having discovered an incorrect birth certificate was one thing, then I was told of being adopted, then my mother died and then we discover she wasn't such a lovely mother after all. Too much to take? Well, I have coping strategies.

    I've learnt Falconry, so have a tame long eared owl (we have a special licence issued)
    I do beach fishing and belong to an angler's club
    I have a hairy monster of a dog to cuddle
    and I play my acoustic guitar and love its soothing sound.


    Jenner wrote: »
    What is it like reading this book. I thought I was dealing with my assault but I was attacked again not long ago.

    I wonder wether this would help me or if it could make things awkward for me

    Hi Jenner!

    This book is great, though as I've been progressing, some of it is challenging. But that is okay because life is not without challenge and I'm ready to head face on with the hard times.

    Why should the book make things 'awkward' for you, when it is so well set out to make it fairly straightforward to deal with each chapter? There is no timeline to get through the book. You, me and my aunt Wendi should take all the time we need si we can get the help the book and its author offers. My aunt said "Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are were we." which is so true, isn't it? So I recommend you the book because I truly believe it's going to help us get over our trauma.


    Lucy307 wrote: »
    Hi @Mirabelle

    Thanks so much for sharing the link to the help book, I'm pretty positive this will help a lot of people on here. Unfortunately a lot of us (way too many) have been through similar experiences :( and have felt lonely, angry, ashamed, a lot of what you've talked about above. How are you getting on with the book? I'm going to be giving it a read myself so will let you know how I get on too! You're not alone with what you went through and I'm glad to hear you can talk to your aunt about it too, that takes real courage.

    Please don't feel discouraged if you don't get replies straight away, a lot of us only log in every few days! Doesn't mean we don't care, we do. Always here if you need a chat *hug*

    - Lucy :rainbow:

    Hi Lucy!

    There are 34 sections in this book and I'm on Section 7: taking care of yourself | you need to know | my story | Your Mind | Your Body etc ....and finding it nice because I can relate to each part. I've already questioned "Why me?" in Section 5 and did a lot of soul searching and being able to find a tangible direction to head to, so altogether including The Circle of Support (Section 4 previously), I am beginning to get a handle on the trauma that exploded only a week ago.

    I guess that I will have ups and downs, BUT - I have a wonderful family unit of support in addition to knowing I can get support from the staff and members of our forum. In a way...it kind of feels like walking up shingle? I was thinking this when on the beach out fishing and I was climbing up with my rod and bivvy and rucksack, but for a while, for every two steps up - I was taking one or two steps back. But eventually I reached the top! So as in life, we have these so-called mounds of shingle to struggle up. But we have to be determined, yeah?

    Haha - I'm reminded of being near-demented wrecking our kitchen top to get into the jammed drawer below. I was very tenacious. Very, very determined. And I did it. So I reckon there will be difficult times ahead, but with help from this book, The Sexual Trauma Workbook for Teen Girls - that I have a fighting chance.

    Thank you everyone. wave.gif

    Belle xx
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for replying to me. I just mean in a sence of being able to read it without the constant negative feelings?
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Jenner wrote: »
    Thanks for replying to me. I just mean in a sence of being able to read it without the constant negative feelings?

    I honestly believe you could read this book because it is so sensitively written. :)
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
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