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Body dysphoria

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi.

Around year ago I came out as transgender to myself and a few friends. A month later I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication. I was told to stop taking them in October but was started on them again after a relapse in suicidal thoughts.

Recently my body dysphoria has been out of control. I have come close to crying due to looking in the mirror. I never seem to pass even while wearing a binder and male clothing which really hurts.

I don't know what to do. Lowering my voice on purpose makes me sound stupid, people look at me funny when I use a masculine name, I get supper nervous shopping in the men's section and I can't even wear boxers as my parents find it uncomfortable and awkward to think of me as masculine. I don't think they believe me as two people in my year in school who came out as ftm have reverted and now use the biological sex pronouns. I'm worried they think this is just a phase and don't know how to change anything.

~Caleb

Comments

  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Hi Caleb,

    I have recently come out as transgender to myself, my parents and a few friends. Not going to lie, my experience of opening up to my parents weren't exactly positive but i said to myself, i need to do this for myself, i cant go through life being a fake version of me so i cast all the negativity aside because at the end of the day its my life and i should be able to live it the way i want.

    I have changed my name through a deed poll service, you can do it for free but i chose one that my friend used and it ended up costing around £50 to change my title, first name and middle names - i have gone from being Jessica to Jacob. I know how incredibly difficult it is, i have friends too that think its a phase but just keep at it and with time they will understand that this is for keeps.

    Maybe go and talk about it with your GP, i have a referral to the gender identity clinic and at the moment its a 12-14 month waiting list so id recommened if you want to go down the medical route of surgery, hormone blockers and testosterone then jump on it quickly but obviously take it at your own pace. There is absolutely no rush for these things because its a MASSIVE change to make. - I can barely look at myself in the mirror too and i also have a binder, it all just takes time so don't force it on yourself.

    Stay strong and all the best,
    Jacob
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Settling in
    Hey Caleb! :wave:

    ​First of all, you are not alone in how you feel and anyone who identifies as transgender has been right where you are before. It's a long, hard journey but it's all worth it in the end. It can be frustrating in the early stages, but that is when you are figuring everything out. It's the time to explore parts of yourself, what you want to change and who you want to be. It can be overwhelming and you want to rush through everything but it takes time.

    ​This is the last thing you want to hear, but Jacob has given some great points above. It's best to look at all your options and learn about it all. No matter what anybody else thinks, it's your body, it's you, and it's your choice to be whoever you want to be. So as hard as it is, try to ignore other people's views. These tend to change over time as you become more comfortable with who you are becoming - they will too.

    ​Talking to a GP is a good first step, and in the meantime, joining transgender/non-binary groups can help to meet new people who can help you on your journey. I know that these aren't everywhere but if you can find something local I really recommend seeking them out. You'll get advice, support and new friends. Even if you don't join any now, it's something to think about in the future.

    ​Here are 2 links here on The Mix with a lot of info and advice on, I hope they help!

    http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/gender-and-sexuality/coming-out-as-trans-at-school-university-or-work-24317.html
    http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/gender-and-sexuality/young-and-trans-5178.html

    ​-PositiveAura:rainbow2:
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