Tired

Former Member

Okay so I've read the other convos and they don't seem as angry. Anyways, I have always had the problem of being clingy, "creative", moody yet with swings and a genuinely annoying person to be with. It started fine; my mum always told me that it was just them but now it comes to the point when she avoid conversation with me to avoid arguments. I went online, tried to write a diary and even tried to go to a counsellor to help myself.

**Swearing Alert**

Basically, my counsellor is shit and tells me things that I already know. I hate having to try to be nice. And I really want to fucking sleep but this is really pissing me off and it's 3:23 in the fucking morning. The diary entries didnt help; the entries always contrasted from each other and to me were pure cringe. And other forums said it relates to borderline personality disorder. As I write this, I feel like I want to break my phone. So I looked online to find answers but I can't do nothing myself. Drugs and Alcohol are bad but really I would take it to just stop this. I can't sort myself out. And yet I'm fucking mad at myself "Why the fuck are you mad?" But then the worst part is that I will be happy and think of positive things. I really want to hit my counselor in sessions. He is a cunt. I was fine until I was 9; My dad left me when I was 2 or 3
And he tried to come back into my life he didn't. I got bullied and I wasn't used to it because I was always nice to everyone so I was never insulted.

I would carry on but now I feel like crying.

Former Member

Hi @Past User,

Welcome to the boards! Thanks for taking the time to post and great that you're reaching out here - it's a great community. I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through so much, it sounds really difficult and frustrating. It feels like there is a lot to touch on in what you've said so I won't respond in full, but there are lots of people on this community who will be able to relate to what you're going through - so I will let them come in and offer some words of wisdom.

Just to let you know - we've moved your post over to our Health and Wellbeing section where it's a better fit and you're more likely to get some really helpful responses from other community members.

It sounds like you had a rough night - how are you today?

Thanks again for posting - keep coming back and keep us updated on how you're doing.

Sarah

Former Member

Hi @Past User,

Welcome to the Mix and thanks for sharing how you're feeling - sounds like such a frustrating time for you at the moment. It also sounds like your counsellor isn't helping, rather making you angry... would that be a fair conclusion? If so, there are a load of different counsellors with different styles and techniques and it might be that you consider finding another one - were you referred from the GP?

In the meantime, do you reckon speaking to someone over the phone might help? That way, if you don't like it you can just hang up. If you feel like you could try it, here's some info:

• Mind: Their helpline runs nine to six from Monday to Friday. 0300 123 3393
• SANE: Their helpline is 0300 304 7000, open 4:30pm - 10:30pm every day.

Hope that might help a little, otherwise we're all here to share stories and try help in any way we can.

- Lucy

Former Member

Hey Ricochet,

It sucks that your counsellor isn't being very helpful. Do you think you may be able to bring this up with him? He may change his methods if you suggest that it isn't working for you.

If you don't think that'll work you could try getting a different counsellor or possibly getting in touch with a service like CAMHS/wellbeing service (depending on how old you are). You normally need to be referred by your GP, but you may be able to get a proper diagnosis or formal therapy which could really help with your situation. If nothing else, you can hopefully gain a little understanding of what's going on. It may take a long time though, it took me 3 months to get an intial assessment with CAMHS, even though I had been to A+E a few weeks after my GP's referral.

For more immediate help you can use the helplines that @Lucy307 suggested or try the online chat if you are worried about being overheard by your mum.

The other thing is I would try to stay away from drugs and alcohol if you can. When you are feeling horrible, they can really f*** you up, and make you feel 10x worse than you were before - the comedown is especially horrible :nervous:. If you do end up doing anything, make sure you aren't alone, as that's when it can get really dangerous.

You can always come on here or pm if you want a chat

Tash