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Its not bad, but its not good

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

I've been in a relationship now for just about 3 years. We started off long distance as I met my her while visiting a friend at university. We lived about 4 hours from each other and I was making a trip down every 2 weeks. Last Winter (after she finished uni) she came with me to go on a ski season, this went well but i fear she did not get a kick out it like I did.

We have now have properly lived together in a new city for about 3 months. Although it may seem like things are all hunky dory I just don't feel right. There is something missing, and its definitely my doing. I just don't feel the same way about her as I did a year ago. I used to see a long future for us but now I can't even picture another year. We are meant to be doing another season next winter. Which I fear would end us, which would leave us stuck together, far away from home and (most probably) a bit on the skint side.

We've tried talking about us, where we are going in the relationship (tears shortly followed the conversation starting) and the possibility of me going to do a season on my own this winter, which was decided that it would probably end us. The conversation came and went for about week. Each time tears came very shortly after starting. She clearly cares for me a great deal. I care for her more than I've ever cared for anyone before, all I want is for her to be happy, safe and to be loved the way she deserves.

I do not feel that I am the right person to do this, but I also don't know if i'm just being stupid and going to throw away what could be a good thing.

To sum up - I'm very confused, and I can't keep it off my mind.

Any advice?


  • MirabelleMirabelle Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    Hello @whattodoey and welcome to The Mix. :wave:

    I feel sad for both of you because talking about your relationship is never an easy thing to do, especially if it's such a touchy subject. Are you good talking to your girlfriend's parents or one of her friends? Maybe you can find some guidance there? It's worth a try.

    Feeling something is wrong and your suspecting it's coming from you, only you can work that out. But you still need to be honest and upfront, or your relationship will come to an end. Being financially skint is not good, for if your relationship is to have any meaning for a future together, then you should put aside that next seasonal ski trip and put the money for your future with her. Again, you ought to discuss with her.

    Us girls have feelings that run deep, and I dare say that women in general have a deeper sense than guys. Not bring judgemental here in no way, but what you expressed didn't reveal much about what your girlfriend is feeling, or said. Communication is vital if you intend a long lasting, fulilling relationship and you need to be the rock on which your darling can depend. Have a serious think as what you want, but crucially what she wants, and listen to her. Without interrupting.

    Let us know how you progress.

    All the best and hope to hear from you soon,
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @whattodoey

    It sounds like you're in a pretty confusing situation but kudos for talking it through here before making any decisions! Although you said you feel your previous ski season together went well, why do you think she didn't get a kick out of it as much as you? Do you think this has caused some of your uncertainty?

    Living together is a huge step and it's totally normal to have doubts for the first few months - I experienced this myself when I moved in with my partner, I got a little freaked out, but actually spoke it through with him, he was feeling the exact same way and suddenly it didn't seem as odd. Were you feeling like this before you lived together too?

    It sounds like you have tried to talk it through with her, which is the best thing you can do. Do you feel like you could try and have another conversation about it to see how she's feeling? The Mix has a really good article here 'Should we break up?' - hope that might help too! http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/should-we-break-up-4514.html

    All the best :rainbow2:
    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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