Friend keeps asking my partner to buy her drugs

Former Member

My friend has recently been having a rough time, she suffers from the same illness as me (BPD) and is currently in hospital after we convinced her not to kill herself with the drugs my partner had got her (we didn't know she was asking for the drugs to kill herself, she had said to us she had been struggling to sleep, it was after she left she sent a "goodbye" message). I called her persistently and told her friend that was with her that she needed help, and after some persuasion her friend phoned the crisis team who asked her to go into hospital. My friend kept in contact with my partner while she was in hospital (she doesn't contact me because I think she's pissed off that I wouldnt enable her), and today she sent a text to my partner saying she will be coming out of hospital on Tuesday and if he could buy more drugs for her cause she "needs them to sleep". I told my partner to say no, but feel it's hypocritical of me since I've used drugs myself, I really want to confront het but don't want to make her mental health worse. She has a young son (3 yo) and I think she's being deeply irresponsible to want to go back on the drugs she ended up in hospital over. Can any one give me advice on how to help her? At the moment, I just feel like never speaking to her again (but this could be my illness talking). Thanks.

Former Member

Hey NothingMuch,

You are being a really good friend by caring so much about her! It can be really difficult to be a friend in this situation because you know that what she is doing is detrimental to her health and it can be really frustrating. It is definitely not hypocritical of you to tell your partner to not give her the drugs even if you've taken them before. If anything it makes more sense because you know the effects of it and how they can impact your life! At times like these it is ok to take a step back, because you still have to focus on your own wellbeing, and if this is affecting you in any way, then it is ok to let experts take care of it. Regardless, if you feel it would be beneficial to talk to her, you could just sit down with her and talk about your own experiences with drugs and explain your concerns for her 3 year old. You can also ask her to consider talking to someone (which we will link down below). This is a tricky situation so it is understandable why you feel the way you do!

Links:
https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Information-and-support-for-drug-misuse/LocationSearch/339
http://www.talktofrank.com/

Have a great day!

Drea

Former Member

Thanks for replying, I think the issue is that I already said to her that I don't want to contribute to her becoming worse, but she still messages my partner any way. It frustrates me because I don't have my child in my care due to past drug and alcohol use, and it feels like she's taking her son for granted. If I say this to her though, it'll just seem really cruel and hypocritical and I genuinely struggle to get over the hump of feeling angry at her attitude meaning I'm worried about saying anything at all. I was really proud of her for going into hospital in the first place, because I thought she was finally going to embrace getting support, instead she complained that she hated it there, that it was making her worse and that she doesny want to kill herself, she just wants drugs. I dont know how to get through to her when hospital can't help her.

Former Member

Spoke to her and she is no longer speaking to me, which is fine.