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Sex with boyfriend for the first time

One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 595 Incredible Poster
So I’ve been spending some time with my boyfriend and I’m sort of thinking about sex. I don’t feel quite ready yet so haven’t done anything. But I was wondering that when I do eventually feel ready, how do I bring it up?

We have had a few conversations mainly messeges where we have sent a few sexual texts (no pictures) but I don’t really know how to bring the conversation up.
I mean I don’t think Just saying it bluntly “shall we have sex?” Would feel right. He has already said that he is ready when I am and that there is no rush. But still when I am ready how do I go about telling him.

Also and sorry if it sounds stupid or weird but I am worried that I wouldn’t be any good. I mean sex is more than penetration and what if I don’t know what to do...... does that even male sence?

Thanks guys


  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 595 Incredible Poster
    Hi and thanks for your reply ir has really helped. I have spoken to him and he’s told me to not worry when the time is right then the time is right. You’re right there is no right or wrong thing to do and I suppose it would probably come with experience.

    I do wonder sometimes if my sex drive is low for my age. It’s not very often I feel sexually arroused over things and when I do it’s normally for no reason at all. I do now and then but not very often. I know it’s something I shouldn’t worry about and compare as everyone is different but when I look at people my age I think my sex drive is a lot lower than theirs even when not in a sexual activity I know some people get turned on by porn which has never interested me at all. But same as male models while some girls/women can be like “wow can you imagine having a night with him!”

    I’m just like “he’s good looking or sexy” but I don’t get any feelings from it.

    I’ve had conversations when I was at college where people have talked about their best experience and their first. I would get funny looks when people descovered I was still a virgin. People telling me something was wrong. Or asked if I was A-sexual (to be honest I don’t really know)
    People have suggested that I should go and have a 1 night stand (not going to happen lol)

    I’ll have a look through the links you shared thanks Xx
  • RhysRhys Posts: 287 The Mix Regular
    Hey @One-in-a-million there is nothing wrong with having a low sex-drive, as you said so yourself, everyone is different.

    Theres also nothing wrong with being a virgin. Some people seem to think you should loose your virginity as soon as possible, but I don't agree with that. I feel its best to wait till you are ready and ignore others.

    We have a article about <How to talk to your partner about sex> It could be help you (it may not, but I feel its worth a read), we also have an article about <Myths about Virginity>, id like to quote a few things here, the first being "...…but you should just get it over and done with"
    Argh, so many contradictions! If you want to have your sexual debut to just ‘get it over and done with’, then sure, go ahead. Just be sure that you’re not doing this to bow to pressure, otherwise it won’t be a nice experience.
    Guys especially are pressured into having sex sooner rather than later, but having sex just to please your mates definitely doesn’t make you one of the cool kids.

    The second thing I would like to quote is "Your first time has to be special…"
    Nope. You choose how, when, and who you do it with. If you want to wait and do it with a long term partner? Cool. If you want to just fool around with a no-strings-attached friend? Cool. As long as you’re communicating your desires with your partner, it’s all good.

    What I'm trying to say is, its best to wait till you're ready and you shouldn't be pressured by your friends, and also not to worry about not having a high sex drive or being aroused by the same things others are.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”― Bernard M. Baruch
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 595 Incredible Poster
    Thank you Rhys, I do tend to over think things quite a lot
    ​I'm actually feeling a bit better. Ive had a look at the links you shared and they are quite helpful :)

    Thank you
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