Giving up saying no to someone who is taking advantage of you
Hey I’m a 17 yr old lesbian and 7 months ago (a week after i met my current girlfriend) I hung out with this other girl that i had never met who i knew liked me, and this other girl who i knew. And she was flirting with me and wasn’t really stopping her until she started being overly forward with me. She started saying that she wanted to kiss me multiple times and everytime i would tell her that i was talking to someone and i liked her and didnt want to hurt her. We went to my house after a little and we were drinking and our mutual friend fell asleep. She kept persisting that she wanted to kiss me and she started trying to kiss me and do other things. I kept telling her no and that i liked the girl i was talking to and that i didnt want to hurt her. and she kept telling me that she cared about me and wanted to take care of me and kept persisting. I got up and left the room and went to the bathroom where she followed me and continued to try and put her hands in my pants and trying to kiss me. I kept telling her no and moving her hand but then at a certain point i gave up trying to say no. i dont know why, i dont know if she had just made me feel so worthless that i just stopped standing up for myself and the girl i was talking to you. im not really sure and i cant really explain it but she did what she wanted and then it was over. And i didnt touch her, and i didnt want anything that was happening to happen, and when she was going down on me i felt so ashamed and worthless and dirty and i didn’t want to be there. But i ended up finishing and it was so confusing and made me feel 10x more ashamed. Has this ever happened to anyone? Or anything similar? I dont feel like a victom and i know that so much of that was my fault. i got myself in that situation and lead her on and i chose to drink. That weekend i told the girl i was talking to the bare minimum (just that she tried stuff with me and was being very persistent and i kept saying no and she wasn’t successful) but for the past 7 months ive been keeping the whole story completely to myself and was suppressing it so much because i was so embarrassed and ashamed. my girlfriend never fully believed me but this weekend my girlfriend she dragged the whole truth out of me and now feels that i cheated on her and lied to her for so long about it. But really i was just so ashamed and felt so worthless about it that every time she’d ask i just got a lump in my throat and couldnt speak about it. Just wondering if anyone can relate to this because it feels really confusing.