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At what point in a relationship is it ok to ask your partner to borrow money?

AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
in Sex & Relationships
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Hey everyone,

For some people there comes a time when it feels okay to ask your partner to borrow money. At what point in a relationship do you think it is okay to ask your partner to borrow money?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts!

- Aife
Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi Aife,

    I think it's OK only when you have built up a certain amount of trust... I wouldn't like someone to ask me early in a relationship, and likewise wouldn't want to owe money to somebody I didn't see a future with! For me I'd have to be pretty desperate to ask my partner for money, I think I'd ask people who are more permanent in my life (family, good friends) before going down that route!

    - Lucy
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey @Lucy307 thanks for sharing your thoughts. Research has found people prefer to borrow money from their family and friends first rather than their partner. It's interesting you mentioned for you it's because they are more permanent in your life. There can be a chance that the relationship doesn't work out, whereas friends and family are more permanent.

    It would be interesting to hear what everyone else thinks about this. Why do you think people prefer to borrow money from their friends or family instead of their partner?

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 150 Helping Hand
    Hi everyone!

    ​I definitely agree that family/friends would come first before a partner. Also, if you were to borrow from your significant other, it would have to be if you were planning to stay with them and build a future together. It would be super awkward and hard to pay someone back after you broke up, right?

    ​You'd have to establish trust first too so that you know they'd pay you back and they weren't lying about what they needed it for or anything like that.

    ​I think trust it already established with family and friends @Aife :chin:​ We already trust and know them so we are more likely to go to them for help or help them out if needed. Like you mentioned, having that 'permanent' place in your life makes you think that they will always be there so you can count on them and it's also a comforting feeling to know that you'd be able to pay them back or return the favour in the future.

    ​Another thing is that some of us may not want to take money from our partners because we don't want to put them in that position. Personally, I wouldn't want my partner giving me her money because I'd want her to keep it for herself. I think a part of me would also want to show her that I'm good with money and able to control it so that she doesn't have to worry about us in the future.

    ​But that's just me!

    ​-PositiveAura:rainbow2:
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 976 Part of The Mix Family
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Having known my partner whom mum loves, trust has consistently been the pinnacle. I've never needed to ask for money though my youngers sisters ask when they need something. My partner Dixie or I will give accordingly. Thankfully our two homes have long been paid for as were once owned by our grandparents handing down to mum, and her sharing her homes for us. We have never taken out monthly subscriptions except for our phones.

    We share a joint bank account, but also have our own. We've never argued about money, not once - even when times were tight like during last winter when we've had to budget to be frugal. Having been skint we know how hard it can be, but have worked at hotels in the tourists season to increase our income even if it means skivvying in hot kitchens or waitressing at cafes and doing a 12 hour shift. Any tips we got we keep for ourselves, but my sisters always need money for their girly stuff, so we prioritize them and they love us for it. To see their faces light up gives us such pleasure. We always believe that charity begins at home, mum's mantra also.

    We would never want to position the other into making a difficult decision. As a family, we will discuss important stuff, though Dixie have no probs saying NO to our young ones or to people scrounging to take advantage. We have friends in Majorca who we have helped. Maybe it's pride causing them not to approach us, but instinctively we know if there's a problem, and been known to give them a basket of home grown fruit and veg, eggs, homemade bread and honey. Love thy neighbour as yourself is what we believe in, nevermind anyone else's opinion.


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