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Sorry
Former Member
MiniposterPosts: 129 The Mix Convert
Sorry. I know I haven’t been active on here for months, but I basically stopped talking about my problems. I went through a hellish exam period and although my results were good, I didn’t really feel any better. I still haven’t seen a doctor or counsellor, because something (I don’t know what) stops me from making an appointment. I want to seek help though, but it seems like I just can’t.
My mind is trying to convince me that I’m (insert negative word/phrase,) I still self harm to try and block it out or to punish myself for doing or saying something stupid. I struggle to get to sleep because my mind is a mess of thoughts that has a voice that screams at me. I have long periods where I have no emotions and feel numb inside, then I’ll suddenly start crying and agree with everything my mind tells me. All the while, I somehow manage to maintain being a chatty, confident person and become a completely different person on the outside to what I am inside.
I’ve been talking to friends who have recently opened up about their mental health issues, and one in particular has been really supportive and kind, and told me that seeking help would be really beneficial. They offered to come to the GP with me if I made an appointment and just told my mum it was them (my friend) who was seeing the doctor, I was just tagging along, but I couldn’t lie to her and I’m a really bad liar. I would probably also run into another family member or someone who knows me or my family who would tell my mum. I don’t know how my mum would react if I told her I’d rather go to the GP alone or with my friend instead of her.
My mum would prefer I saw a counsellor anyway, because she thinks GPs aren’t specialised in dealing with mental health issues, and that it’s impossible to talk about those issues in a 10 or 20 minute appointment. I just don’t want to waste a counsellor’s time in case there’s nothing wrong with me, but would I be wasting a GP’s time if I just wanted to talk to someone? (without getting referred- I would ask if counselling would be beneficial but I know how long waiting times are.)
I think a lot of this has stemmed fromthe way I was treated by peers in the first few years of high school. People don’t think it was that bad, but I took it badly and still get upset about it today. I don’t talk to a lot of people in my year group because I always come across as awkward, and others have told them untrue things about me.
I’m sorry because this post was so long and probably just babbled nonsense. I just don’t know where to turn.
My mind is trying to convince me that I’m (insert negative word/phrase,) I still self harm to try and block it out or to punish myself for doing or saying something stupid. I struggle to get to sleep because my mind is a mess of thoughts that has a voice that screams at me. I have long periods where I have no emotions and feel numb inside, then I’ll suddenly start crying and agree with everything my mind tells me. All the while, I somehow manage to maintain being a chatty, confident person and become a completely different person on the outside to what I am inside.
I’ve been talking to friends who have recently opened up about their mental health issues, and one in particular has been really supportive and kind, and told me that seeking help would be really beneficial. They offered to come to the GP with me if I made an appointment and just told my mum it was them (my friend) who was seeing the doctor, I was just tagging along, but I couldn’t lie to her and I’m a really bad liar. I would probably also run into another family member or someone who knows me or my family who would tell my mum. I don’t know how my mum would react if I told her I’d rather go to the GP alone or with my friend instead of her.
My mum would prefer I saw a counsellor anyway, because she thinks GPs aren’t specialised in dealing with mental health issues, and that it’s impossible to talk about those issues in a 10 or 20 minute appointment. I just don’t want to waste a counsellor’s time in case there’s nothing wrong with me, but would I be wasting a GP’s time if I just wanted to talk to someone? (without getting referred- I would ask if counselling would be beneficial but I know how long waiting times are.)
I think a lot of this has stemmed fromthe way I was treated by peers in the first few years of high school. People don’t think it was that bad, but I took it badly and still get upset about it today. I don’t talk to a lot of people in my year group because I always come across as awkward, and others have told them untrue things about me.
I’m sorry because this post was so long and probably just babbled nonsense. I just don’t know where to turn.
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Comments
I’m sorry to hear how you are feeling at the moment and what happened to you at school. I wish there was something I could do to help you a bit but I don’t really know what I can do. I’m here for you whenever you need to talk to someone though.
It’s really good that you have a friend that sound so nice and caring. They seem to really want to help you get through this so please don’t push them away. I know how hard it must be for you but I think that going to the gp would be a big step forward for you and might help you a lot. Have you spoke to your mum about it? You could try and explain how you want to go to someone but that you don’t want to go straight to a counsellor and you wanted to get more information? This way your mum might offer to go with you if you wanted her to. Or, you could also say that you wanted your friend to go because she understands first hand what you are going through.
I hope I helped a little by then. Let us know how everything goes?
Esme x
Hey and thanks a lot Esme,
I’m glad I can reach out here on the boards. I would never push my friend away, as they are the only friend I have who knows about and understands my problems. I’ll try talking to my mum, I never wanted to lie to her in the first place. I would rather go alone or with my friend to try to be more independent, and I haven’t really gone into a lot of detail about my problems with my mum.
Thanks again, you really helped me and I’ll get back to you.
Pumpkin
Hope you're doing well today! With what you have said, it's completely okay to not feel okay! It's also understandable that you're maybe not feeling comfortable to go to the GP and discuss your mental health issues. Just remember that you're one of millions of people who have gone through mental health struggles, and the GPs are all there to help you! Regarding what you mentioned about going to the counsellor and that you don't want to waste their time, this is what they their job entails. Whether it is something that isn't too serious, all the way up to something that is really really serious. Any problem faced is an important one, so you're definitely not wasting anyone's time. You have the right to be mentally well just as much as anyone else, and that doesn't matter whether you're worse off or better off than someone else. Hope this helps
Drea
Links:
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
Thanks for replying Drea.
I feel like I should have a reason for not wanting to go straight to a counsellor and going to a GP first, but I don’t know why my subconscious is telling me to go to the GP. My mum wants me to go to a counsellor because she thinks GPs aren’t properly trained to deal with patients who have mental health issues, and that I’d never be able to talk about everything in a 10 or 20 minute appointment. Do you know maybe why people prefer to see a GP first so I can figure out my thoughts? My mind is a mess right now.
Pumpkin
Thanks for replying Drea.
I don’t know why I’m leaning towards wanting to go to the GP instead of a counsellor first (my mind is a mess right now, can’t think straight) so could you think of reasons why I might want to go to the GP first/not want to go to a counsellor first? I know I’ll have to talk to my mum, and she’ll probably not understand why I’d rather go to the GP first (she wants me to see a counsellor first)
I’d like to talk to her soon so could you please reply quickly? (Sorry I know that sounds rude)
Pumpkin
Apologies for the late reply! I am online every Monday!
It really is completely up to you with who you choose to go to first! A GP will help you as best they can and still offer good advice, just like a counsellor would. The GP may even signpost you to a counsellor, but both are there to help you
Have a great day
Drea
I actually went to a GP on Friday, and they asked me a lot of questions, which I expected. They told me to do certain things which might help take my mind off how I feel (exercise, spending time with others and looking up useful websites.) They also told me to try and get in touch with a counsellor I had previously contacted again, which did confuse me because doesn’t a GP usually refer you for NHS counselling rather than telling you to do it privately? I haven’t emailed the counsellor in 8 months, so I’d feel awkward doing it again but they’re one of the only counsellors in the area, so I’ll have to do it.
I’m not trying to come across as dismissive to what they said (I have basically become more and more negative since all this started) but I hate exercise because I’m not sporty or fit at all, and it just gives my mind an opportunity to remind me how unfit I am and how stupid I look when I (attempt to) exercise. The same kind of goes for spending time with others, my mind tells me that nobody cares about me, they’re just pretending to be friends so they can make a fool of me, etc. The websites had some useful info, mostly about symptoms and self-help, but I didn’t find anything that would greatly benefit me.
The GP told me to come back in two weeks, but I didn’t necessarily have to see them again. I’m not sure I’d choose to see that particular doctor again (not sure if they went into a lot of detail) but if I saw another one next time, I’d have to explain myself again and it would take up more time in the appointment.
Pumpkin
Well done for going to the GP, we remember how unsure you were about it all, so you should be proud of yourself! You can speak to another GP about the concern you had that you weren't referred to an NHS counsellor. The GP you visited maybe thought you would have felt more comfortable going back to someone who you had already been to since you knew them. Similarly, public counselling services often have a long waiting list so maybe he thought you would have found someone quicker! Either way, doesn't hurt to visit another GP for a second opinion, and you definitely won't be wasting their time! That's what they're there for
Drea
I was told to come for another GP appointment in 2 weeks anyway, so I might get a second opinion. I would probably be better off opting for private counselling, as the average waiting time in my area for NHS treatment is very high. I don’t actually know that counsellor or had treatment from them, I was only emailing them to ask about counselling, but I just stopped before arranging an appointment and haven’t contacted them since (which I know is bad.) I’ll probably go back to the GP sometime next week, so might ask for a different doctor this time.
Pumpkin