Can’t please anyone

Former Member

I feel I can’t do anything right at the momnt.

It’s my sisters birthday so my gran came over to give her the presents and then she started going on at me about university again. For some reason she hates that I am on my gap year and wanted me to go straight to uni and not go traveling like I am. This has already caused so many argument but today she was saying that she didn’t pay loads for my education (she paid for me to go to a private school) for me to waste my life and do nothing. I tried to explain that I might go to uni next year but it didn’t help and made it worse. After she left, my parents got annoyed at me saying it was meant to be a nice day for my sister and I have ruined it by arguing again. I didn’t want to have the argument so I don’t see why they are mad at me for it. I feel like I’m being pressured into going to uni and don’t really know if it is what I want to do yet.

Everyone expects so much from me and I don’t have that much to give anymore. Everything has gone wrong.

Former Member

Hey Esme

It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment! Sorry to hear this is happening on top of everything else, it sounds like you really didn't want to argue that day. It can be really frustrating when family members start to question or put pressure on the choices you make. What your gran might not realise is that what you're doing taking a gap year is totally normal and actually advisable when you aren't sure what you want to do. I found even when I talked through the idea of a gap year with my parents they didn't get it at all - I think it might seem like a waste of time to them because they didn't get the option to take one themselves (therefore why should you?). Usually because our parents/grandparents want what's best for us and have high standards for us, they default to thinking uni is this magical place that every person goes to and comes out with brains, charisma and a fantastic job (when you can get all of the above without going, too...). Remember it's your life, and it's your choice what you do with it - you're the one that has to live it! Do you have any thoughts of what you'd possibly like to do instead, that you'd like to chat about?

There's quite a helpful article here http://www.themix.org.uk/work-and-st...sity-2088.html weighing up pros and cons and directing you to more help on your choice of what you do next. Let us know what you think?

- Lucy

Former Member

Hey Lucy.

I don’t feel like I’m going through a lot. I just feel that there are a few things going on at the moment that keep going in circles and I’m stuck in the middle of them all and don’t know how to make anything better. I have also learnt that keeping things to myself isn’t helping me at all either!!

My dad is actually supporting my decision In taking a gap year because he thinks it will be good for me but my gran is making it hard and it’s causing arguments between them two as well as me which is what I hate seeing. I don’t see what I can do to make my gran happy because it’s not what I want to do yet.

To be honest I have no clue what I want to do and it’s stressing me out. Most of my mates have went to uni and know what career they want to do and I have no idea what I want. All I know if that I want it to be something to do with sport maybe?

Former Member

Hi Esme

It sounds like you’re doing exactly what you want to do right now but it’s not what your gran wants you to do. It’s hard to please her when she wants something different to what you want. It’s also hard to work out what you want to do with the pressure of not upsetting the people that are important to you.

Sport can be the start of doing many different things, I don’t know why but I want to say what do you want to do next? not what do you want to end up doing. This journey can be windy and eventful, we might know the direction but hardly ever where we’ll end up. I’m sure you’ll choose the right thing for you at the time and I doubt this will be the last time doing something for you annoys someone else, you deserve to be heard and your opinion valued too.

Let us know how you get on.

Glenn

Former Member

Thanks @Past User

I think I do want to go to uni but I’m not sure when and if I’m ready. I feel I should be ready because I’m 19 and most of my friends have went or are in their second year but for some reason I don’t feel I could handle it at the minute.
I’m just going to travel and try and work things out this year and maybe go next year to make everyone happy.

Esme

Former Member

I’m not suggesting you should go or not, but why don’t think you could handle it at the minute?

Former Member

I don’t really know why I don’t think I could handle it. It just doesn’t seem exciting to me and I feel that I would find it too hard

Former Member

It definitely is lots of hard work, hard work and not exciting doesn’t sound like a good combination.

One day something may interest you, I imagine like how travelling is interesting you right now.

Glenn