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Is it ever okay to lie in a relationship?
Aoife
Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
Hey everyone,
Honesty is a key part of good communication in a relationship and when dating. But sometimes the truth hurts - so it it ever okay to lie?
Look forward to hearing your thoughts!
- Aife
Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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Look forward to hearing your thoughts!
- Aife
Drea
It's been interesting to read all of your thoughts on this. I agree with some of you here but I think it's a really tricky situation.:chin:
I personally don't think it's ok to lie at all. Honesty really is the best policy and if you feel the need to lie about something in the first place, then something is wrong. Trust is such a special thing to build and it is so easy to break. This can be done with both big lies and small ones. Obviously big lies are worse, like everyone has agreed. And in the end, all of them come to light in the end.
Even if it's a white lie like 'I love your shoes' when you really don't. Some partners would hate to find out that you lied and this can actually cause things like self-consciousness and issues with the way that they look. Why did they lie? What else don't they like, etc etc.
On the other hand, if you outright told them that you hated their shoes, that would hurt there feelings and again cause some friction.
So, even here with white lies, you just have to be nice and honest. Just say, they aren't to your taste but how about these ones?
And with big ones, hey. Look you may have made a mistake. But this always comes to light sooner or later and it is much, much more damaging. You can work to build trust if you are honest about a mistake but if you hide it for 20 years, not so much.
Little lies can build up just like this and then it turns into a big lie. You don't actually like their shoes, or hair, or favourite movie. You forget their birthday and aren't fond of their family. If these build up, your relationship ends up being a sham.
I know that sometimes it is a one off, but even then you can feel guilty and hiding how you really feel. That can be just as damaging to yourself. You should be able to express your true thoughts and feelings with someone.
But that's just my view!
-PositiveAura:rainbow2:
@Starra I think that's such a good idea here, I have to agree with you! In this situation you'd have to be honest and give your reasons. If it was to save someone's feelings and because you had their best intentions in mind, this is much easier to talk about and overcome. This is understandable and can show that you did it because you care about that person and didn't want to hurt their feelings.
If not, you could always do something like buy them new shoes to replace those other ones you lied about liking and come clean that way. At least then, when you explain that you weren't really that fond of the others, they have some new ones as a present. This is obviously harder to do if it was something like a haircut or food that they've made, but you could always suggest some new styles or new recipes and see if they like any!
At the end of the day here, you should love that person for who they are and let them express themselves any way that they want to. If you have too many little issues with someone, perhaps you are the wrong people for eachother.:chin:
-PositiveAura:rainbow2:
I'm absolutely not an expert in relationships, however I believe that lying isn't okay. Very, very small things that would be forgotten quickly (even if the truth was told) I would perhaps let slide.
However if you frequently feel you have to lie about big things, then there might be a bit of a problem and a lack of trust in my opinion. The trust in a relationship is so special, but also so easily broken.
I agree so much with everyone else on this thread too!
If you are on the outset of commencing a relationship, being honest and not lying will build solid foundations of trust. Trust in any relationship is vital, for how else can someone continue in a relationship based around little lies, as they invariably lead to bigger lies?
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche