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"Damaged"
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi 
I'm new to this site and feel a bit awkward just jumping in with a spout about my issues, but at the same time I'd rather keep the personal details of my life as close to my chest as I can, and I need someone with no bias to talk to about things.
Some small background details of the issue (it isn't huge and horrific but it's been enough to really make this year a bit rocky.)
I am and always have been shy by nature, insecure, thought too much about what people thought of me, the classic bullied throughout my years at school before starting university. Had a break up 3 years ago that was hard on me (a break up if not caused then at least helped along by my insecurity, paranoia and lack of self esteem). Finished university and started working down in Leeds. Became lonely in Leeds and after a year of trying to be brave and stick it I came back to a job in Glasgow. I thought I'd be happy being near my family and loved ones. I really tried to convince myself that I was happy being home. But at the start of the year I got drunk one night and self-harmed. This scared me, and led me to seek professional help. I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety and was given antidepressants and betablockers to combat this. Work has been a struggle, I'm not a strong character and the place I work are full of strong characters, who criticise any small mistake I make. I've struggled, but I feel like I've been managing.
Sorry for the long back story trying to keep it as short as possible but with giving some context.
So. Been dating a boy for just over 5 months. I've asked a couple of times where he sees us going, I have feelings for him and I don't want our relationship to continue progressing if he doesn't want us to go any further than exclusively dating. But he takes relationships slowly, and seems genuinely unsure, and I trust that instinct that he's afraid to go too fast, so I've given him time to think about it. My sisters (and basically everybody I know) don't think I should do this. One of my sisters confronted me tonight, told me that I was "damaged" and she was sad that I was holding on to this because it'll end up just "damaging me more" because I don't like myself and I'm not kind to myself, and she thinks I'm holding on as another way not to think of myself and doing myself an injustice. She said she worries about me a lot. She treats me like I'm unstable and fragile. I'm starting to feel that way. I don't even know who decides if you are damaged but it made me worry. I don't know if I'm making the right choice about him, or if my actions are really affecting the people around me. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, that's all I've felt as soon as I diagnosis label was slapped on me. I wanted to be open with my family and friends because I always tell my friends struggling with mental health issues to never be a shamed of how they feel, that they should feel free to be open with how they're feeling, but I feel like all I've done since confiding in the people around me is stamp a "CAUTION FRAGILE" stamp on me, like they're scared to break me or that I break myself, and I feel like I can't turn to anyone anymore.
I don't even remember what my question was supposed to be. Sorry for rambling. I guess I just need someone to talk to. Share their experiences. Offer me some advice. That would be great.
Thanks
Who's That Girl x
I'm new to this site and feel a bit awkward just jumping in with a spout about my issues, but at the same time I'd rather keep the personal details of my life as close to my chest as I can, and I need someone with no bias to talk to about things.
Some small background details of the issue (it isn't huge and horrific but it's been enough to really make this year a bit rocky.)
I am and always have been shy by nature, insecure, thought too much about what people thought of me, the classic bullied throughout my years at school before starting university. Had a break up 3 years ago that was hard on me (a break up if not caused then at least helped along by my insecurity, paranoia and lack of self esteem). Finished university and started working down in Leeds. Became lonely in Leeds and after a year of trying to be brave and stick it I came back to a job in Glasgow. I thought I'd be happy being near my family and loved ones. I really tried to convince myself that I was happy being home. But at the start of the year I got drunk one night and self-harmed. This scared me, and led me to seek professional help. I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety and was given antidepressants and betablockers to combat this. Work has been a struggle, I'm not a strong character and the place I work are full of strong characters, who criticise any small mistake I make. I've struggled, but I feel like I've been managing.
Sorry for the long back story trying to keep it as short as possible but with giving some context.
So. Been dating a boy for just over 5 months. I've asked a couple of times where he sees us going, I have feelings for him and I don't want our relationship to continue progressing if he doesn't want us to go any further than exclusively dating. But he takes relationships slowly, and seems genuinely unsure, and I trust that instinct that he's afraid to go too fast, so I've given him time to think about it. My sisters (and basically everybody I know) don't think I should do this. One of my sisters confronted me tonight, told me that I was "damaged" and she was sad that I was holding on to this because it'll end up just "damaging me more" because I don't like myself and I'm not kind to myself, and she thinks I'm holding on as another way not to think of myself and doing myself an injustice. She said she worries about me a lot. She treats me like I'm unstable and fragile. I'm starting to feel that way. I don't even know who decides if you are damaged but it made me worry. I don't know if I'm making the right choice about him, or if my actions are really affecting the people around me. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, that's all I've felt as soon as I diagnosis label was slapped on me. I wanted to be open with my family and friends because I always tell my friends struggling with mental health issues to never be a shamed of how they feel, that they should feel free to be open with how they're feeling, but I feel like all I've done since confiding in the people around me is stamp a "CAUTION FRAGILE" stamp on me, like they're scared to break me or that I break myself, and I feel like I can't turn to anyone anymore.
I don't even remember what my question was supposed to be. Sorry for rambling. I guess I just need someone to talk to. Share their experiences. Offer me some advice. That would be great.
Thanks
Who's That Girl x
0
Comments
Well done for coming on here and writing about how you're feeling! It can be difficult to openly speak about these topics, so you should be really proud of yourself! We all have different personalities which is completely normal. Some of us are more extraverted, and others more introverted. You should also be really proud of yourself for seeking help as soon as you felt that something wasn't how it should be!
In relation to the boy that you're dating, it can be difficult in the 'seeing each' stage to know where you stand. If you feel that what you and this guy have is worth it, then there is no reason to not keep going! It may be difficult, but it could be good to trust your 'gut' feeling, and that is of course a decision that you have to make. It can be helpful to get a constructive second opinion, but if you do feel like it isn't the most helpful advice then you are by no means obliged to take it on board! Regarding the comment that you're 'damaged', is not true at all! Millions of people suffer with anxiety and many other mental hardships, but it does not by any means, mean that you're a damaged individual! It may be that you're struggling at the moment, but you're definitely not alone!
Hope this helps, and feel free to join in or create any other threads on the forum! Have an amazing day!
Drea
Welcome
Firstly, we all talk about our relationship issues and seek advice from friends and family and it's not unusual to get advice like your sisters has given - because she cares about you and doesn't want you to get hurt. Remember your relationship is just that... It's your relationship, at the end of the day. It sounds like it's going well already and you are giving him the benefit of the doubt, which sounds to me like you are kind and not ready to give up on the relationship yet.
Now, to address the 'damaged' comment. You're not damaged!! Nobody is damaged. We are all unique and human and we all have feelings, feelings overwhelm everyone sometimes. You've also clearly gone to lengths to seek help, help yourself and those around you. It sounds like you need to give yourself more credit. Taking to your friends about their own mental health issues to never be ashamed of how they feel, that they should feel free to be open with how they're feeling - I can't give better advice than that :d remember to be as kind to yourself as you clearly are to others.
Hope that helps in some way. We're always here to talk and very happy to have you here!
- Lucy
Firstly, no-one has the right to call you damaged. You've gone through a lot of changes in a short amount of time, and people react to this in different ways. You sound a lot like me personality-wise, and being shy doesn't mean that you don't know your own mind or can't stand up for yourself. So I would ignore what other people have to say about your past and your current relationship prospects, because the only person who can follow their instinct in this situation is you. This guy sound sensible in wanting to take things slowly, so I would trust your feelings on this!
I also want to add, I know it's difficult to build up self-esteem once it has been knocked, but believe in the fact that you have the ability to change this as and when you're ready. There will always be someone on the other side of the computer to chat to if you need any more advice! xx