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Everyone turning against me

starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convertPosts: 219 Trailblazer
So i have been struggling recently with things going on and now its got even worse with people making comments to me at training. I was feeling really low on Thursday and i ended up cutting for the first time again in over a year which i now feel is a massive set back for me. I knew it was stupid as soon as i did it.

At training, people told me that i was attention seeking and that i should just kill myself and that if i did, no one would care or miss me. It made me feel really upset and i didn't know what to say to the people at the time so i just left the pool. I had to train again this morning but was running and so i wore a long sleeve top but they kept bringing it up and trying to see the cuts and make comments.

i really dont know what to do anymore :(

Comments

  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    Hi Esme,

    ​I am sorry you had to experience that it sounds horrible. Selfharm is defiantly not attention seeking. Are you able to talk to the people which said this to you about the way things actually made you feel? Do you have a coach which you train with?

    ​Hope to talk again soon, always here for you.

    Charly
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Hi Charly.

    I kind of lost it with them and then told them how it was making me feel but they didnt seem to care much at all. There is our coach but i wont be able to speak to him about it because he would then speak to the people who said stuff to me and i think it will be worse if that happens if im honest.

    Thanks!

  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    hi esme,

    ​Well done for talking to them though, even though it may feel like they didn't care hopefully this will make them stop. How you feeling at the moment.

    Charly
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    It hasent made them stop. They have sent me messages on Facebook and said stuff this morning at training too. I just want to give up with it all.
  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    I am really sorry that this hasn't made it stop are you able to block them on social media? You shouldn't have to give up and do you have anyone at training which its saying stuff to you at the moment.
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Yeah if I wanted to I could I guess. I don’t see the point in it because I will have to see them at training anyway so it’s better to let them say what they want.
    Sorry for being so stupid about this. I don’t know why it’s getting to me this much.
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Thanks Aidan.

    I just dont know what to do anymore to stop them so i am just letting them do what they want. I just dont see how them telling me to kill myself is making them happy. It just horrible. I really want to enjoy training but i cant at the moment because of what people are saying to me there. Its making me not want to go anywhere in case people notice and say something.

    Hope you are okay?
  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    Esme your not being stupid at all and it’s completely understandable why this has upset you, is a horrible thing for people to do.
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    I do feel stupid though because it was my choice to cut and so I brought this all on myself. To be honest I did think about what they said to me and I think they might be right. I don’t have anyone to talk to apart from you guys here.
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 1,127 Wise Owl
    Hi Esme

    I am so sorry you are going through this. A lot of the time people who have not had experience of cutting think that it is attention seeking, which is totally wrong, they just don't understand. I know it's so hard, but please try not to take to heart what they are saying... People make really stupid comments to make light of situations they don't understand sometimes. That said, it's completely unacceptable what they said to you and it is bullying. I completely understand why you're feeling low. Do you have anyone at training who don't join in with them, that you can hang out with?

    Do you want to talk through what happened before training, you said you have been struggling with things recently? We're all here for you and we care. The Mix also has a free phone number if you want to talk, it's open from 11am-11pm [URL="tel:08088084994"]0808 808 4994[/URL]

    Really hope this gets better.

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Hi @Lucy307

    Thanks for bothering to reply to me! They dont seem to understand that what they are saying is having an effect on me and making me feel worse. i am trying not to let it get to me but failing at that badly. I have to train with the guys because of ability levels so im not with my friends during training, only getting changed and after training.

    What happened before is on another thread somewhere i think but basically i lost a friend to suicide and it was the third anniversary on Thursday which is what made me cut and started all this. I was also struggling with things going on with my dad but that is kind of sorted now we have had the results back so it should be fine (hopefully)!

    Hope you are okay?

    - Esme x
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi Esme,

    How you doing now and is has anything improved with the people which you have to train with?

    Also have you had support based on the friend which you lost or is this something you would like? As it can hard thing to go through.

    Hope to here from you soon.

    Rayofhope:rainbow:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Hey @Rayofhope!

    Nahh nothing has really changed with the comments and that. If anything it has gotten slightly worse recently as they have started messaging me online and getting more people to join in. Im trying to ignore them and what they are saying but its really hard and getting to me a little bit :(

    I haven't had any support with the loss of my friend. School tried to make me see a counsellor just after it happened but i hate talking about my feeling to people for some reason and so i stopped going and haven't really spoken about it since which has also been hard but i think i have got use to not talking about things. Im not really sure if i would be able to speak to someone.

    Esme
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi Esme

    Sorry to hear that things have got worse especially with all the comments online as well. I know before you had talked about not wanting to talk to a coach and you didn't want to block anyone as you felt it would make things worse. Are you still feeling the same way or do you think if you have a discussion with the coach it could help?

    I can be hard to talk about feelings which we have, so well done for coming on here and talk about things. Would you like to try and talk to someone again?

    Rayofhope:rainbow:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    I did try and have a conversation about it with one of the coaches earlier in the week but i got too scared and ended up crying and i just walked away without saying anything. I still think it will make things worse and im hoping that this will all stop on its own soon.
    Yeah i think it would help talking to someone for me but its is getting the courage to do it that i will find really hard.

    Esme x
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    It can be really hard to talk about things which are going on, well done for trying to talk to your coach about things which are going on even though it didn't work out how you hoped. I hope things get better soon for you.

    It can also take a lot of courage to open up and talk to someone about what is going on and how we feel. Is this something you would like to try even if you then decide you don't want to do it?

    Rayofhope:rainbow:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Thank you. Yeah i think i could try it again but i dont hold much hope for it lasting.

    Esme x
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    No problem, its all up to you and we are here to support you.

    Rayofhope:rainbow:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 1,127 Wise Owl
    Hi Esme

    How are you doing this week?

    I'm so sorry to hear you lost a friend to suicide - I completely understand you would find the time around the third anniversary incredibly difficult. You don't have to struggle through this on your own. Based on personal experience I also really encourage you to talk to someone on the phone/in person if you can. I can't explain, in words, how beneficial my experience of counselling/talking has been - having someone completely new to your situation, not knowing any of the people involved, giving an outsiders perspective is so helpful... It really made me see things in a completely different light. It's easy to shoulder guilt/blame/negative emotions when your sounding board is yourself - we are our toughest critics, after all... What do you think? We would be able to help you find someone to talk to based upon what you feel comfortable with (for example, https://www.7cups.com/ is good as it's all online and confidential, or the Mix's helpline [URL="tel:08088084994"]0808 808 4994[/URL] is good if you feel you can talk on the phone). Of course, we will always be there for you here, too :heart:

    It sucks that you have to train with these guys, they don't sound like the kind of people anyone would want to spend time with. You should give yourself a pat on the back for being the bigger person for still turning up and getting on with it despite them being horrible. Is there a lot of social time at training or can you focus on the training itself? It also sucks that they are trying to get to you online too... Relentless, & sad that they have nothing better to do. Can you block them from contacting you? I'm sure it's boring trying to bully someone you can't get hold of.

    Sending positive vibes :rainbow2::)

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • starfish_17starfish_17 The Mix convert Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    Hey Lucy, I’m still struggling but I’ll be okay.

    It depends what the set is at training. Sometimes there is more time just stood around then other times during the rest period. I would block them if I could but I don’t think I can because I am the youth captain and so have to be able to contact them and have them able to contact me which sucks.
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