Uncertainty About Own Mental Health

Former Member

Note: Sorry, I don't know if this will be formatted correctly when I post it; I'm new to the site so please forgive me if I mess up formatting.

I'm seventeen, I live in the UK. I have Asperger's Syndrome and have discussed the possibility I have ADD with my GP, though that was largely inconclusive. I struggle to remember and focus on schoolwork, and I rely on my parents a lot for organisation. I am at a good school and would say I am fairly intelligent, but not very compared to others around me.

Most of my friends and particularly my partner have mental health issues. I am by and large the only support there is for my partner, and they have an unstable mood. They are signed up to CAHMS and have been categorised as in need of urgent support - I don't know the details of the system the organisation uses so I can't really go into detail on that. Our relationship started off amazingly, and has often been the best thing in my life, but it changes a lot with their mood as well as mine and can be exhausting and unhappy at times.

Recently, my partner fell out with their best friend and several other people, including their best friend's boyfriend, both of whom are very close to me. I tried for a long time to repair their friendship, but ultimately only ended up hurting my partner more. They no longer talk to each other at all.

With that said, I am entirely uncertain of my own mental state. I have tried every online quiz I can find for any given disorder, and the responses are usually inconclusive, somewhere in the "mild" range for any given condition. Due to my friends all having issues of their own and due to my own status as "okay" being something that my partner relies on a lot I have felt loath to consider for more than half an hour at a time that I may be mentally ill.

So, symptoms.

• I often cannot get up from my bed without help and encouragement from someone else.

• My mood tends to swing from positive to negative when someone talks to me about their own problems seeking help and I often am unable to help because of it.

• I struggle to make and stick to decisions with regard to others around me.

• I feel guilty when I cannot help people even though I also feel like it's impossible.

• I occasionally break down and cry for no reason.

• I feel somewhat down a lot, in a mood where I don't feel happy, nor particularly unhappy, but also feel somewhat negative and lethargic.

• I don't really understand my own mind and why I make decisions, and am scared that deep down I'm a bad person even though I try to do the right thing if I have a choice.

• I feel tired and sleep inconsistently; I wake up at 6 or so on school days and closer to 9 on weekends, but go to sleep usually between 12:30 and 3.

• I have a mild fear of intimacy with my partner; this has largely been overcome but I remain a virgin purely out of my own anxieties about it.

• I sometimes feel very irritable and/or angry, and need to shut myself away, though I don't snap at people.

• I don't feel very happy doing the things I should love, gaming, writing or talking to people.

• I feel immature; my partner has to help me stay on top of my own life too much.

• I have occasionally contemplated self-harm and suicide; I am uncertain if this is genuinely because I feel like I need to escape or because I want attention.

If I think of anything else I'll add it to the list.

Ultimately, what I'm looking for is help understanding my own mental health and some suggestions as to whether I'm mentally ill and if so what it might be; I have an inherent distrust of what online tests say. Feel free to ask questions and I'll answer as best I can.

Love
Cora

Former Member

Hi Cora :wave:

It's great to hear from you!

Just from the length of your question it shows that you are questioning a lot of things about yourself and your mental health right now. This is incredibly normal, especially when you have so many people in your life who aren't in the best mental health.

I can't diagnose you with anything, I would recommend speaking with a doctor if you're worried about your health in any way, having gone through a similar questioning stage, I can tell you visiting the doctor - though it can appear rather daunting - is actually a really relaxed experience and can help you feel more comfortable about where your head is at. It also would help relieve a lot of the questions weighing you down at the moment.

May I ask why you are the main support for your partner? It's great that you're there for them and for the other people in your life but be sure not to put other people's wellbeing above your own. Try to take a day every so often which is just about you, do something by yourself that you really want to do. Sometimes when someone who plays a big part in our life is suffering we beginning sympathising and feeling bits of what they are. That's why taking a day for yourself every so often can let you determine how you feel independent of your partner and then, when you see them again, hopefully you shouldn't be so effected by their mood.

Here are just a couple of pieces of advice to help boost your mood a bit:

- Spend time with your friends and family, make sure not to isolate yourself in your relationship (not that I think you are, just sometimes it can be easy to do so). Maybe arrange to go out with some friends or have lunch with your parents sometime.

- I know that you said you don't feel very happy doing things that you love so perhaps try and find a new hobby to get into. You said you're into writing, maybe try something else creative like painting or learning an instrument. Or just try something completely random, go kick-boxing or knit or volunteer. Whatever you think might interest you.

- Sleep is really important, I always find it harder to be positive about life when I'm not running on enough sleep. You said you're struggling to sleep but try to get eight hours a night, if you try and find a regular bed time, say 10:30/11 and stick to it every day then it can help to build a pattern and help you fall asleep. You might also want to try meditating before bed, dropping a bit of lavender on your pillow and avoiding screens for an hour before bed.

- Sounds strange but try and get outside. Go for a walk and soak up the sun (I know that can be difficult in the British autumn). This has two great benefits, exercise is a great mood booster and the sun can help boost serotonin levels.

We're always hear if you'd like a chat or any further advice, whatever we'd like, we're here for you. I hope this helped.

Lals :yippe:

Former Member

Lals wrote: »

Hi Cora :wave:

It's great to hear from you!

Just from the length of your question it shows that you are questioning a lot of things about yourself and your mental health right now. This is incredibly normal, especially when you have so many people in your life who aren't in the best mental health.

I can't diagnose you with anything, I would recommend speaking with a doctor if you're worried about your health in any way, having gone through a similar questioning stage, I can tell you visiting the doctor - though it can appear rather daunting - is actually a really relaxed experience and can help you feel more comfortable about where your head is at. It also would help relieve a lot of the questions weighing you down at the moment.

May I ask why you are the main support for your partner? It's great that you're there for them and for the other people in your life but be sure not to put other people's wellbeing above your own. Try to take a day every so often which is just about you, do something by yourself that you really want to do. Sometimes when someone who plays a big part in our life is suffering we beginning sympathising and feeling bits of what they are. That's why taking a day for yourself every so often can let you determine how you feel independent of your partner and then, when you see them again, hopefully you shouldn't be so effected by their mood.

Here are just a couple of pieces of advice to help boost your mood a bit:

- Spend time with your friends and family, make sure not to isolate yourself in your relationship (not that I think you are, just sometimes it can be easy to do so). Maybe arrange to go out with some friends or have lunch with your parents sometime.

- I know that you said you don't feel very happy doing things that you love so perhaps try and find a new hobby to get into. You said you're into writing, maybe try something else creative like painting or learning an instrument. Or just try something completely random, go kick-boxing or knit or volunteer. Whatever you think might interest you.

- Sleep is really important, I always find it harder to be positive about life when I'm not running on enough sleep. You said you're struggling to sleep but try to get eight hours a night, if you try and find a regular bed time, say 10:30/11 and stick to it every day then it can help to build a pattern and help you fall asleep. You might also want to try meditating before bed, dropping a bit of lavender on your pillow and avoiding screens for an hour before bed.

- Sounds strange but try and get outside. Go for a walk and soak up the sun (I know that can be difficult in the British autumn). This has two great benefits, exercise is a great mood booster and the sun can help boost serotonin levels.

We're always hear if you'd like a chat or any further advice, whatever we'd like, we're here for you. I hope this helped.

Lals :yippe:

Thank you so much! That's really useful.

Really, I'm my partner's main support because their other friends fell out with them a few months ago and right now I'm the only person with whom they have a relationship they feel comfortable seeking support in.

I'll be sure to take your advice, I think it should really help. If that doesn't work out, I'll definitely consider seeing a doctor.

Thanks again
Cora