Cant cope

Former Member

Sorry everyone, this may turn into a bit of a rant and i dont expect anyone to read it all or reply to me at all just need to get it off my chest.

There are so many things going on at home in my life at the moment that its all getting too much and im struggling again. I always feel okay during the day and then as soon as it gets to the evening/night i stop being busy and it gives me time to think about things and its gets overwhelming. My parents seem to think i am strong and that nothing gets me upset but they could not be more wrong! i think i am one of the most emotional people ever but i hate showing my emotions to people and so keep my feelings silent and dont cry unless i am by myself and things are too much. i am sat in my room crying right now but noone i know will ever find out and so they will all think i am fine.

I used to talk to my dad about things until my granddad got ill a couple of years ago with dementia and since then i havent spoke to him about things that matter. i was so close to my granddad and now he doesnt know who i am when i go and visit and it is the worst feeling in the world because it feels like he isnt there anymore in my life when he is but i just cant speak to him like i used to. when i go and visit him all i can do is sit there and talk to him and hope he understands what i am saying. Now i find visiting him hard because my dad might have cancer but there is no way that my granddad (dads dad) will know about what his son is going through and i feel like i am hiding a secret when i go see him.
We dont know whats happening with my dad and the few people i have spoken to have just had a go at me saying i shoudnt be worried because it isnt definitely cancer and that im being stupid. its people like that who make me sacared to speak to others and open up to get help.

Everything just seems to be getting too much for me and i dont know what to do to make things easier. I dont want things to get as bad for me again as they did last year and for me to resort to self harm again but i dont know how to stop it. i want to speak to someone about everything but i dont know who. i cant speak to my parents but then i find it so hard to explain how i feel and talk about what im going through so i end up staying silent. i wanted to speak on one of the support chats but i got too scared and feel that others have things going on that they need support with and that mine is insignificant.

Sorry for the long rant

Former Member

Your problems are definitely not insignificant, to start with crying in your room so that no one will know is a horrible thing to have do and I’ve done it a few times before and I know the feeling. Talking to your parents is definitely a good idea and ik that you think that your dad has cancer but if everyone you ask says it isn’t then you should listen to that. Spending your time worrying about the chance that he may have cancer is a really bad idea, even if he does have cancer there’s a constant increase in the number people who survive. It’s always good to assume the best

I just visited my granddad who also has dementia and although I wasn’t very close to him and I feel so awful that he didn’t recognise me as that was for the first time ever.

I’ve often had the feeling that everything is too much and have contemplated suicide but you have to go on as there are so many people who love and care about you and it’s not fair to them to kill yourself (this is kinda to myself as that’s the main thing that stopped me). Self harm is a really horrible thing to do to yourself (i’ve never done it so I don’t understand why people do it), it could scar your body and it seems pointless to me so I obviously suggest that you don’t.
I really think that you should talk to your parents about your problems as it really helps but if not I understand. I’m here to talk if you need to get something off your chest or whatever. I really hope that your dad doesn’t have cancer and your life stops feeling like it’s all too much.

Former Member

Thanks James. Sorry about your granddad not recognising you, it's a horrible feeling when that happens. I know self harm is bad and I have only ever harmed twice and try not to because I don't want scars or anything but this is getting too much to cope with.

I have tried to speak to my parents but they don't listen to me when I try and have a serious conversation which isn't exactly making things easier at the moment.

Former Member

Really sorry that your parents don’t listen to you. I know that therapy can be quite expensive but I think it’s definitely worth it, it obviously sucks to have no one to have a conversation with them but if you ask them if you can get a therapist then they might take ou more seriously and prove that they are there to help (that’s what my parents did when I asked). If they don’t let you get therapy then I’m really sorry because not talking face to face is quite bad as no one should bottle up their emotions. Don’t try to prevent yourself from crying when you feel really bad because your parents will definitely try to help if they see you so upset.

If you can’t talk to your parents or a therapist then I’m here for you if you want to talk to more

Past User

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Former Member

@Meggles Thankyou

I dont really like talking about things to people in my family and that for some reason. I havent spoke to my parents about anything serious since i was about 13ish. I have spoke to my dad now and he said that he is going to let me know what is happening which has helped me a little bit. We should have the final results next week sometime i think which is good!

Former Member

Hey Esme,

Hope you're doing well! You mentioned that you don't like to share your emotions, but you've done really well to show them here and you should be really proud of yourself! We are all here to help you, and as many of the others here have mentioned, you are definitely not alone! Sometimes it may feel like you have no one to talk to, especially when you're worried how people may react, but a lot of people have been in your situation at one point in their lives. Very sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment with your family, and it's perfectly normal to feel down about it. Well done for talking to your dad about things, it's a step in the right direction for sure!

It may be good to take steps when it comes to talking about your feelings. I personally know how you feel as I am quite similar to you. I like to seem put together and as if I am always happy, but no human on this earth is constantly happy, which is completely natural. Life sometimes gets in the way, but there are also so many good experiences! You seem to have already taken that step by writing how you feel on the threads, and although it may not seem like a big deal, it is a great head start! Talk to us if you need anyone to talk to or have any concerns. Hope you have a great day and hope to hear from you soon!

Drea

Former Member

Hi @Past User!

Yeah im doing okay. For some reason i dont like admitting that i am struggling and try and make it look like my life is perfect hoping that it will make me think that it is but in the end it gets too much. I was finding everything really tough and felt like i had no where to turn until i found the mix and now i feel slightly better because i feel that i have people who i can talk to and who will be able to kind of understand me and maybe help me a little bit

Former Member

Hey Esme,

You're very right! And you're not the only one who finds it difficult, but everyone deserves to be happy and be heard out

Drea