Worried about my friend

Former Member

[FONT=&quot]I am really worried about one of my friends and dont know what to do to help her?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She has been really distancing herself recently from people and not coming training anymore. Yesterday she was messaging me about not feeling worth anything and how she feels she doesn't fit in because she isn't skinny like everyone else.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It might sound like nothing but i am really scared because i lost a close friend to suicide a few years ago and still semi think i could have helped her and i really dont want a repeat of things.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]How should i help her?[/FONT]

Former Member

imo, tell her that you're concerned for her wellbeing and you genuinely care about her. and if it's no burden to you, tell her that you're willing to listen to her vent, though always with a disclaimer that sometimes the best you can do is only listen, though encouragement can be nice if you can offer it, depressed people tend to..only think in black and whites (amongst other thought patterns) and often that means for example "i did one terrible thing" = "i am always terrible", so showing them that actually it's not black and white and they did good too can help (sometimes people won't reply when those thoughts are challenged because they realise that they can't argue, sometimes you have to spend a while convincing them that they're worth something), the same for any other bad thoughts like that - like if they think the future is glum try to show them how many opportunites for happiness in some form are ahead of them. in your case i presume it's likely you may be able to comfort her about not fitting in. (though always remember you come first! if you ever can't listen to someone vent, then say it, express that it's not because you don't care but you have other stuff going on, and suggest they seek someone else, a place like this, or writing it down somewhere instead)

when she's feeling bad about something ask her what she wants you to do - sometimes it may be listening to a rant, sometimes it may be that she just wants a distraction and you should talk about something else - the best way to know is simply to ask!

and if she should ever vent to you, unless they state they just want to be left alone, always try to finish the conversation with something happy - like an inside joke or anything you know makes them smile. they'll appreciate it and it could lead to an entirley new conversation that distracts them from the thing they were originally sad about! unless of course they just ask to be left alone, in which case don't.

i'm sorry you lost your friend! sometimes there's nothing we can do to stop people ending their lives - ultimately, it's their decision, and sometimes even friends can't help...and when one doesn't have access to reasonable quality health care in those times, things can...well..yeah. i hope it won't repeat itself! but if it ever gets bad enough for her that they consider suicide, that's a huge red flag for needing to let a professional know - though it's 4am so i can't dig up any specific advice for that right now, perhaps someone else/mods know better here though!

Former Member

Thankyou! That's so helpful. I will send her a message later today or when she next messages me about it to explain that I'm here for her. I'm just worried that I won't always be able to support her cause i have my own things going on at home as well. I'm just soo scared of things repeating themselves because i can't go through that again.