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how to make friends when you're very antisocial and awkward????

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
okay so recently i moved to a new school. a school where i know no-one at all. it's very different to my old school and i'm kinda finding it hard to settle in and make friends. which is pretty normal i guess.

but the thing is, i find it very hard to make friends. i'm super shy around people i don't know and i find it super difficult to open up to people. normally i just go and sit outside or sit in the library and read a book. in lessons i only really talk to people if i have to. and if i have a conversation with anyone, it's normally them talking and me just listening and nodding my head. i have no idea how to start a conversation, and i'm also terrible at continuing the conversation. ( like i normally start with asking them how they are and what they did at the weekend, you know, bland generic starters. but how do i carry on from there??)

i do want friends. i would love some friends. but i'm just finding it hard. i'm super bad at making conversation with people, and i get really awkward. also i'm shy so i pretty much just blush whenever someone talks to me. i also find socialising really really tiring. idk why, but everytime i have a conversation with someone, even if it is just "how are you" or "isn't the weather rubbish", after i feel so physically drained, like i just ran a marathon.

this probably sounds really weird and makes no sense at all.

anyway, does anyone have any tips/tricks on how to make friends? also if anyone has any conversation starters or ideas, please share them with me.


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    Stars2Stars2 Posts: 29 Boards Initiate
    Hello there,
    I wanted to reply as I know exactly how you feel. You could try asking people for help? Maybe asking if they could help you with your work or picking a hobby? You ask if you can sit near them so that you're not alone and see if they talk to you. Sometimes honesty is a good way to tell people that you're shy so that they would make the effort. I know it is hard and it can be annoying listening to small talk. I am not too keen either but try to seem interested. I used to be so shy and would only speak and be myself infront of people I knew aswell as my family but you do get more confidence the older you get. Just dont overthink things too much because that will make you worse. Keep occupied. Find things to do that make you happy and maybe you will build confidence to talk to people. Hope this makes sense and helps in some way x
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    PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Helping Hand
    Hi there starrygalaxysky! :wave:

    ​First of all, what a cool username, I love it.

    ​Your post wasn't weird and made total sense. It is more common than you think to feel this way and find socialising tiring or awkward.

    Stars2 has made some great suggestions. Following the like/hobbies that you have always ensures that if you do meet friends, they have the same interests as you and this makes things so much easier because you know that you have something in common and something to talk about.

    ​It also means that you can find things to do and take up your time so you're developing yourself without worrying about making friends. This usually comes along with the enjoyment of finding an activity to do, trying it out and then you make friends from there.

    ​So for example, you mentioned liking books. That's great! If you hang out at the library and sit near people there, you can see what they are reading and start up a conversation?

    ​Or asking people what books they like....like the student next to you in an English class? Any type of question that relates to the subject you are in. :chin:

    ​These things don't even have to be physical if you are feeling really uncomfortable at the moment. I mean, you are on here connecting with people so remember you are connecting with people more than you think! How do you find posting on here? That's a social step too.
    ​You can find different groups to join too. So maybe something like a book group online? Or any other interests you have. Then you aren't pressured with being face-to-face and can practice chatting with people about subjects you like online first. Of course remember to be safe and careful who you talk to here.

    ​Here's The Mix's advice on making friends on this site, but this can apply to other sites too:

    ​There are also some other tips for making friends too on this link:

    ​I think that as humans, we can't help but want people to think the best of us and this can cause nervousness more often than not. Just remember to be comfortable with who you are and be yourself. Try and get involved with the things that you like and people who have the same interests will slowly come into your life. :)

    ​Personally, in the past I tried things like going to my community centre for classes or activities. I also started a Saturday job even though I was very shy and over time I came out of my shell talking to people through there. This was anything from colleagues to the public that came into the shop.

    ​Most conversations start out with the weather/weekend small talk. But I find that if you ask people follow up questions, they end up doing all the talking anyway. This can get you more comfortable with people to just listen and there's not as much pressure to say much to start with. For example: if someone says they had a good weekend, ask what they did, where it was, how they got into it. Or if the weather is good, ask what they are going to do to take advantage of the sun, if they have and summer plans, if they have been anywhere nice on holiday?
    ​After this, they'll either chat all about themselves - which keeps the conversation flowing and they'll think you're a great, genuinely interested listener - or they will ask you something back - which again, keeps the conversation flowing and gets you to start talking about yourself freely with someone.

    ​​I hope some of these suggestions have helped, and remember a lot of people around you at school may feel the same. Don't ever be ashamed of this, it's such a natural thing to feel and with time, as you come into yourself you will grow and learn and everything will fall into place. The best advice is just to BE YOU. :d


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    FeatheredDreamsFeatheredDreams Posts: 91 Budding Regular
    Myself, if i want to find friends, I just start talking about something that I like. It can be a little awkward sometimes but i just straight up ask "hey do you like game/tv show/hobby/interest" and if we don't cross on any of those, then tbh it probably isn't good being my friend because i'll talk about my fave games, tv shows, and my love for the paranormal all the damn time xD And if we have a common interest the conversation goes on as we nerd out about our favourite thing, and then it's friend made because more than likely after extensively nerding out about something you'll want to see each other more to nerd out about it again - also i find that if i'm talking about something i like it's much less draining than small talk questions.

    Though advice for loners like us...as a fellow loner my main friends in school were also loners. We stick together! Loners gravitate towards loners due to a lack of large friend group and friendships blossom from there. Maybe look out for fellow loners because we could all do with some friends and they will appreciate your company just as much as you'll appreciate theirs!
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