Never thought i would say this

Former Member

Never thought i wpuld find my self typing something in here but i am.
I have a friend (a male friend). Peoplr like my parents and my counsellor keep saying to me when are you going to meet up with him and its making me embarrassed to talk about it. I can't talk about it with Jo my counsellor online as she will say things like when will you meet and she will just annoy me about it. I can't speak to any of may family about it, i can't talk to him about it. I have no friends who i feel up for telling them about it. Don't get me wrong, he is a lovely guy even though he has got a physical illness what means that i would have to help him a bit. It doesn't matter.
Anyone got any tips for me.
Abi

Former Member

Hi Abi

My first tip would be to tell your counsellor to stop telling you what to do and listen, it's clearly not helpful for you.

In fact everyone is telling you what to do and you it sounds like you want to work out exactly what it is that you want to do, or not do.

So how can we help? Maybe tell us what you like about him?

What are you hoping for?

glenn

Former Member

Hi Glenn

​Finally an excuse to tell my counsellor to butt out of my business.
​My friend has a learning and physical disability and I do like him but I don't want to continue living my life looking after him as well as myself.
​I like his sense of humour and his cheekiness

​Speak soon
Abi

Former Member

That's not quite what I said but if it works for you then see where the conversation goes with your counsellor, if they're telling you to do things more than listening I would challenge them on that.

You want to be his friend rather than his carer? Makes sense to me, seems like a lot to commit to. I like how you are cautious and curious at the same time. I wonder what it would be like to get to know him more. Keep us up to date with what's going on with you guys.

glenn

Former Member

Hi there Abigail :wave:

​It sounds like you're under a lot of pressure from different people and it's understandable that it is building up for you.

Maybe your family and counsellor have noticed how much you are curious about him and so are excited for you to spend some time with him - though I can tell that they are being too much for you. It can be hard when everyone gets on at you about the same thing.

Have you been able to explain your thoughts and feelings with them at all?

​I agree with Glenn in the sense that it can be a lot to commit to. It is always a good idea to take things slow and at your own pace, no matter what type of relationship you are getting into. It seems like you like him and have a lot of fun when you speak. :d​ Try to remember to keep having fun and chatting with him and then see where that leads, or if you do meet up naturally.

​Maybe you can both have a friendship where you spend time together but you don't have to care for him in that way all of the time.

I am curious, if you don't mind me asking, if there is someone that is able to do this for him, so that you don't have all of the responsibility as it may be too much?
Having more people around to help can really make things a lot easier.

​Let us know your thoughts and if there's any more advice you need. :d​

​-PositiveAura

Former Member

Hi there @Past User

​Its easier said than done to get support for someone. I know first hand how hard it is.
​I do like him as a friend and his the same, but he is the one that is trying to force me to go out with him (eg go to the coffee shop with him), I can't do that. I'm a strong independent woman who doesn't like big headed stupid men trying to push me around.
​I know were your both coming from and I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this comment but I have seen so many of my friends being pushed around by men who just don't understand what its like. I hate it. This is why I can't allow my self to EVER get into a relationship, but no one ever understands it.

sorry again

​speak soon

Abi

Former Member

Hi Abigail :d

​There's no need to say sorry or apologise for the way you feel at all, we're here to help and whatever you feel and think is all ok! We won't judge or push you into anything.

​I wasn't sure how you felt about seeing him and I just wanted to give you as much advice as I could. But now I see what you meant.

​I understand where you are coming from and how your experiences (like ones from your friends) has affected you. As hard as it is, try to remember this when the pressure from everyone gets to you. It's your life and whatever makes you happy.:)
And if you tell your family/counsellor that you aren't comfortable with it and you don't want to, I'm sure they'd understand because they want you to be happy.

It is good that you are following what you want to do and not others - that takes a lot of strength to do when you feel pressure to do what somebody else wants. Like you said, you are independent and don't want to be pushed around. You go Abi!

​And remember - you can have all kinds of relationships, even if it is just a friendship/chat online. Even if you speak to other people in the future, there's no pressure to meet up if you don't want to.

Hope this helps.

​-PositiveAura

​

Former Member

Hi Abigail,

Thanks for getting in contact with us. This situation is nothing to be ashamed or apologise about - you're doing what's best for yourself and that's a great thing!

There's no pressure to meet up with him if you don't want to. As PositiveAura said, it's your life. Many people hate to not feel in control of our own lives. If you want to meet up with him on your own terms, that's okay, and if you don't want to meet up with him at all, that's okay too!

Do you think your councillor or family would understand if you explained the situation?

~Kaze

Former Member

Hi Kaze

Thank you.
​My counsellor is very much a positive person and soon as one bit of news about me going out with a boy is said she won't stop talking about it its annoying and my parents are the same. Doesn't help that I'm the grown up of the house at only 16 so love and relationships isn't my main priority right now.

​speak soon

Abi

Former Member

Hi Abi,

Some people are very positive. It's often a good thing, but in certain situations like your own it can lead to over-excitement perhaps. Maybe they're doing it because they think it's something positive to focus on. Hopefully if you did explain your situation to them they'll back off a bit. From the little I've heard, it does sound like they want the best for you.

Keep in touch,
~Kaze