Can't Get Over Him

Former Member

My boyfriend and I, who were off and on for the better part of 3 years, recently broke up last month. Now, I don't have any regrets, and personally it's better if we stayed friends, but I'm finding it really hard trying to give him more space and talking to him less. We were as close as you can be with another person, he helped me with a lot of my mental health issues and listened whenever I had a problem, but sometimes I complained in a negative way that made him mad, and he didn't like hearing about it. But I think what mainly drove him away was that he didn't want us to keep breaking up and getting back together. We are good friends, but even when we call it quits and we try to be friendly in person, we end up back together somehow. I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose someone as close to me as he is, but I also don't want to constantly relapse into a romantically toxic relationship.

Former Member

Hey hipstercop,

Welcome to the boards! The situation in which you are in right now, soooo many people are also going through! It's amazing to have a good friend in someone who you used to date but it can be hard because there is of course a history there. It could be good for both of you to possibly speak about this being an issue and that you would love to stay friends but the only way that you can keep on that friendly level is by only seeing one another as friends. If you're comfortable doing so, it may be good to talk to him and tell him that maybe a bit of space between the two of you could do you both well. If you're connected on social media and tend to follow one another so it's difficult to not constantly be seeing what the other person is posting, it could be good to delete or block each other off these just for a short amount of time because from personal experience I know how hard it is to not want to see what the other person is doing! And the best way of seeing what someone else is doing nowadays is to go on their snapchat, facebook, instagram etc... You both were together for three years and surely shared some amazing memories together and through that became good friends, but having some time away from one another including texting and calling could do you both really well. Once you feel you are maybe ready to talk again, try that. If you feel yourself catching feelings, then just try to take a step back again. Communication is always the best thing because then you will both know how the other person is feeling. It's important to do what you think is best for yourself and taking baby steps is probably the best way mainly because over time you will know how much distance you need to get over him, and how much time you can be in contact to maintain a level of friendship without catching feelings again. Hope this helped!

Speak soon

Drea

Former Member

Hi!

Honestly, breakups are the hardest thing ever, but I can relate to you so much. Trying to maintain a friendship with someone that you still feel romantically involved with is so difficult as it can often bring back feelings etc. The one thing that I can advise from personal experience, is just taking some time for yourself - take a break from trying so hard for a little while, it can get draining I know! After you've spent time working on yourself, you'll understand exactly what it is you deserve and exactly why you need to be apart
Hope things go okay
Hannah x