If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
13/7/15-10/7/17
Former Member
Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
On Monday it will be 2years since I was raped
0
Comments
I just dont know now for what he got wether it was all worth it and how I am now. I might be different and coping better if I wouldnt have gone to court and he would have been in the community from the start.
That was something I was worried about it all being for nothing . But you have to remember he has a record and will be on a register for life .
It was brave of you to go to court. It makes me feel sad that you have regrets although I have regretted reporting what happened to me. I can tell you that not going to court would have meant he wouldn't be on any register. And there would have been the possibility of seeing him. Which from personal experience isn't settling or helpful in healing.
You were brave to go to court and you still have a few years before his release date.
I have been trying to think what to reply and tbh it just hurts my head. The amount of times ive typed a reply out then deleted it since I saw your reply is balmy but I wanted to reply something as I didnt want to completley ignore you.
The register for life is 15years and then they have to re-apply. His record dosent justify me in anyway. I cant look at his record or turn him down at a job because his a rapist. Im looking at ways I can really hurt him and ruin his life and I personally cant.
I thought a tiny regret was wishing I waited for a female to do my rape kit but this regret feels huge now compare to it and we are all different but I think now I would be better coping if he wasent in prision so I could of faced that from the start evan if his relase date is a couple of years away.
I dont think any of this is helpful in healing as again I have a grudge to heal becauae what is the point I am going to have healed and then he will juat have been relased and I will be back at the start. He is still holding my life and I dont think there will be a day whereby he dosent.
I still have so much anger in me and this is noticed in groups and I reckon this is why I couldnt reach the potential with my face2face counselling with the rape and sexual violence project. I tried 2 different counsellors but it was like I didnt want to talk about it but I do..I have on here so I dont know what it is. Its sad that a rape and sexual violence project couldnt help me, maybe I am helpless and I am too broken. So now I have no counselling this is why I wanted counselling again from Themix as I did before Christmas and I found them helpful and I really got on with the counsellor. I had her work email on my old phone Im so angry with myself as I would of emailed her
I'm sorry to have made it difficult for you to reply ... I dont see them having difficulty on reapplying in 17 years time. and who knows where you will be. The record may not give you the feeling of justice but it does help prevent him being around vulnerable people on his release. I can hear the anger in you.. What support have you had since court??
I think its very difficult to have regrets i will say i have a lot also. Its impossible to predict how things might be if things were different e/g/ him being walking around. But it would leave people more vulnerable so you did a great thing in reporting.
I dont know about going back to the beginning when he is released because you are a different person now as you were when you reported and you'll be different again in 2 years. It is difficult to get over this and you are doing better than you know..
I hope you can find a counselor that can channel your anger because i feel that could a. be a breakthrough but also i think it would make you unstoppable in what ever you want to do. Are you eligible to get counselling through the mix again? have you thought about telephone / online counselling through another agency? I have heard of safeline they do telephone and online counselling.
Sorry again i hope all is going ok.
Its not your fault! You didnt make it difficult to reply. You just dont know how to put things sometimes if that makes sense?
I havent had any support since court. Theres no support out there really. Victim support said there wasent anything they could do to help. An ISVA is only there from report to court so after court there isnt any support and if thats something I could change I would!
Thanks for saying I did a good thing by going to court and that I was brave but I still have doubts. Im not a different person..Im the same person as I was 2years ago though. What makes you say that? I am interested.
Yes I am eligable for counselling through the Mix again you can re-apply for more sessions after 3months aslong as your unders 25 and not already in counselling. Im under 25 and Im not in any counselling now.
No need to appologise!