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Lost my best friend and the girl I love all in one
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay so this will be a bit of a long one. I'll try my best to narrow it down, but apologies if I drone on. I'll start from the beginning.
In my last year of university I started in a relationship with a girl who I considered one of my best friends, we had slept with eachother before but this was our first time properly being together. And for the first 6 months it was absolutely amazing. I fell for her massively and she did for me.
When I left university that summer and we went to our homes (she lives 3 hours away from me) I started to panic a bit as I did not want a long distance relationship or did not know how I would make it work. Stupidly and without properly thinking, I decided to end things (something I regret massively even now, a year later). It wasn't a clean break up, and we spoke just as much as we would before. She was still very much in love with me but I did not know if I felt the same or what to do. This went on for months as I slowly began to realise how much of an idiot I'd been and what I'd lost. We started to talk much more about something happening, and I even booked a hotel for us to meet up, go on a date and see if things can work. I was the happiest I've been in months to be honest, which made it so much harder when she decided that we shouldn't see eachother and that we should stop talking. I was, and still am, absolutely crushed (this happened about a month ago), and what makes it even worse is that she is now with another guy, who seems to make her happy.
As amazing as our relationship was, it was quite toxic at times. We both made eachother feel awful at times, but she was still my best friend and we loved eachother.
On one side, I want her back in my life more than anything. On the other side I just want her to be happy, and it seems like she is with this new guy, so who am I to disrupt that? Regardless though, I've never felt so low than I feel going through this. I feel lost and just miserable, all of the time.
I don't know what I am looking for by posting this on here. Mostly to vent about it I suppose, and perhaps to get some opinions on what I'm going through, or some advice on how to deal with his and get past it. Anything would be massively appreciated.
I'd like to point out as well that I know all of this is my own doing, and I've accepted that. I just want to move on from how I'm feeling and I don't know how to do that.
Anyway, I'll stop rambling on now. If you've read this far thank you just for reading what I'm going through, and if you can offer any advice it would be so greatly appreciated
In my last year of university I started in a relationship with a girl who I considered one of my best friends, we had slept with eachother before but this was our first time properly being together. And for the first 6 months it was absolutely amazing. I fell for her massively and she did for me.
When I left university that summer and we went to our homes (she lives 3 hours away from me) I started to panic a bit as I did not want a long distance relationship or did not know how I would make it work. Stupidly and without properly thinking, I decided to end things (something I regret massively even now, a year later). It wasn't a clean break up, and we spoke just as much as we would before. She was still very much in love with me but I did not know if I felt the same or what to do. This went on for months as I slowly began to realise how much of an idiot I'd been and what I'd lost. We started to talk much more about something happening, and I even booked a hotel for us to meet up, go on a date and see if things can work. I was the happiest I've been in months to be honest, which made it so much harder when she decided that we shouldn't see eachother and that we should stop talking. I was, and still am, absolutely crushed (this happened about a month ago), and what makes it even worse is that she is now with another guy, who seems to make her happy.
As amazing as our relationship was, it was quite toxic at times. We both made eachother feel awful at times, but she was still my best friend and we loved eachother.
On one side, I want her back in my life more than anything. On the other side I just want her to be happy, and it seems like she is with this new guy, so who am I to disrupt that? Regardless though, I've never felt so low than I feel going through this. I feel lost and just miserable, all of the time.
I don't know what I am looking for by posting this on here. Mostly to vent about it I suppose, and perhaps to get some opinions on what I'm going through, or some advice on how to deal with his and get past it. Anything would be massively appreciated.
I'd like to point out as well that I know all of this is my own doing, and I've accepted that. I just want to move on from how I'm feeling and I don't know how to do that.
Anyway, I'll stop rambling on now. If you've read this far thank you just for reading what I'm going through, and if you can offer any advice it would be so greatly appreciated
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Comments
I Hope it helped to get your thoughts written down.
Break ups are soo hard and painful. And moving on
I would stop all communication and connect with her. And defintyl dont arrange any meet ups. It's not healthy and you need to focus on YourSelf. Focusing on your life rather then hers and knowing her life & the fact she rebounding will make it harder. Self care can really help. I wouldnt suggest you to find someone else as well, if your not ready - but just to look after yourself.
Accepting how you feel and the situation - is going to make it easier. Its okay to feel lost. and may feel for some time. But wont forever.
Maybe could stay just friends ?
But Unfortunately the hard and brutal fact is - some relastionships dont and cant last forever.
Hope my opinion was somewhat helpful.
It sounds like you have a lot of feelings going on right now, but being able to talk about them so freely may be a good thing. Some people find that just talking about their feelings or a problem they are having can make them feel quite a bit better about it. How are you feeling about all of this now?
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As far as moving on, everyone is different and therefore has to go about that process differently. I think Shaunie has offered some great advice already. If you can, focusing on you and what you have going on in your life can provide a great distraction. Here is an article on getting over a break up. It may not relate to your situation specifically, but it has some good suggestions.
Hope this was helpful,
-Kathleen
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