I ran across my first love this morning.

Former Member

While I was running this morning, I saw my first love for the very first time after high school graduation. He slowed down his bicycle and asked me, "Nagpapayat ka na pala?" (You trying to be thin?). Flustered, I answered, "F*ck off." Yeah, I can be a little charming sometimes. Can't believe I'm single!

Anyway, he then told me where he's off to and all I could reply was, "So?" He sped off without even looking back.

God, I wanted to die right then and there. I felt so bad but I guess, he kinda deserved that. I've been crushing on him since 7th grade and he knows it. Back then, he would make me do his homework, school projects and speeches (as he once ran as a student body's representative) without thanking me afterwards. I only realized how shitty he was treating me when I went to college miles away from home. The funny thing, however, is that I still like him no matter what. Truth is, even though I hate to run, I still do it because I wanted to look pretty when we meet.

I am so confused and scared, dear reader. I wanted him to look at me too, but if he won't, will I ever be able to love and feel happy again?

Sorry if you have to read something like this. I know I sound like a lovesick brat but I just can't tell these to my friends. They stopped caring a long time ago because they thought I was being stupid--liking the same guy who never like me back for seven years.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a nice day.

PS. English is not my first language so sorry if there are grammatical errors.

Drea

Hey graceful,

It's completely normal to have strong feelings for someone especially if they are your first love. It's good tat you realised that perhaps he was taking advantage of you at the time because that is often the first step to being able to stick up for yourself! You deserve to be respected by people and it is completely normal to be conflicted by strong feelings and what you know is right for you.

It's also understandable that you feel you will never feel love again, but everyone has the chance to fall in love again and as many people say; it often comes when you least expect it! If it is hard for you to be around your first love (not sure how often you see them), it could be good to distance yourself for a bit for the feelings to subside a little if you feel comfortable! Make sure you keep yourself happy and do what makes you happiest! Go out with friends, exercise, explore places and perhaps try to see things from a point of view that you can be happy being in love, but also being single and content with yourself! A lot of people put pressure on themselves to find love which is normal as humans want companions, but try not to worry as we're sure you have many amazing qualities and things will work out (it's just the waiting that can be annoying!).

Hope this helped, and speak soon!

Drea