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My Aunty

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
in Health & Wellbeing
As some of you may know my Aunty has cancer. She first found out 2 years and 2 months ago. She had chemo and also an op to remove it but she was told about 10 months ago I think that nothing else could be done. My mum just phoned me and told me my aunty isnt feeling very well again and the district nurse is going round to do blood tests. My mum just said to me my auntys husband so my uncle has taken the week of work to be with her 😢 Its my auntys birthday next week aswell and me and my mum have a holiday booked for next Sunday. We was all round at my grandmas when my grandad died by cancer and he died while we was driving back home my grandma called my mum up as we was nearly home and my grandma told us to come back. No-one knows this but when we left I popped my head round the door to say goodbye to my grandad he put his hand on his heart. So we know it can happen very quickly. I'm so sad, I need a hug.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Deactivated Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    [FONT=&quot]Hi Lostsense,[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]I'm so sorry to hear about both your aunt and your granddad. Here's a hug *hug*Losing family members can be incredibly hard, even when you know that it is coming. It sounds like you are worried about not having enough time to spend with your aunt. Is that right?[/FONT]


    [FONT=&quot]Grieving can be a very difficult process, and not everyone knows what to do with those feelings. If you can, find someone to talk to whether that is your mum, or on here. We will all be here for you when you need to talk.
    -Kathleen    [/FONT]

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hey Kathleen 🖑 nice to meet you for a while

    Thankyou for the hug very much needed! I appreciate it. Well when I wrote the first post on this thread I wrote it just after my mum phoned me and what she was saying to me on the phone sounded like my Auntie was in a bad way and thought she might go this week but my Auntie is still going out so thats good. For the last 2months of my grandads life he spend it in bed. We just dont know. Its my Aunties birthday on Tuesday but I will be seeing her next Sunday.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Deactivated Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    I'm glad to hear that your Aunt is doing better than you thought, and happy (almost) birthday to her! I hope you get to spend some quality time with her next weekend

    -Kathleen
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Posts: 292 The Mix Regular
    Hey Lostsense,

    Happy Birthday to her and hope you're doing okay! You can talk to us whenever; we're here for you!

    Drea:heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    She hasent got long left to live they didnt think she would live this long. She keeps collapsing and sleeps in bed all day. She has been offered a bed to sleep downstairs...she will then die in that bed but says she dosent want that yet but when she does she wants us to visit her. I wrote in her Birthday card that I love her lots so she knows I do as she wont be receving any more cards from any of us as she hasnt got long left😢
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    She has a bed now downstairs
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 493 Listening Ear
    Hey Lostsense,

    Sending loads of hugs and care *hug**hug*:heart:, we really are all here for u

    J x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Distraction wrote: »
    Hey Lostsense,

    Sending loads of hugs and care *hug**hug*:heart:, we really are all here for u

    J x

    Tarrr sweet💚💙💜
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Aidan wrote: »
    Hey Lostsense,
    My aunty had cancer too, sadly she didn't make it, so I know how hard this is. We are all here for you, heartfelt hugs from me x

    My grandad died from cancer too..thanks for the hugs 🤗
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Sadly my Auntie has passed away today 😢 she has been is a hospice since Friday and she has passed away today. She will be my Gardian Angel💜💙
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 976 Part of The Mix Family
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Thanks Meggles
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    My mum is crying her eyes out in bed I can hear her she has just lost her sister today and she lost her dad a couple of years ago. I dont know if to go and hug her or leave her own her own
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey Lostsense, I'm so sorry for your loss. Remember we're all here for you whenever you need to talk. Sending you hugs too *hug*
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Thanks
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey Lostsense, I just wanted to check in and ask how you are? I hope you're ok, it's not easy loosing someone we care about, so if you ever want to talk about anything at all we're all here for you :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Thankyou, It's my Aunties funeral a week today. Do you want to see whats going to be her tree
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Lostsense wrote: »
    Thankyou, It's my Aunties funeral a week today. Do you want to see whats going to be her tree


    That's a lovely tree Lostsense :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Do you know what tree it is? my family was wondering and we are still unsure
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Lostsense wrote: »
    Do you know what tree it is? my family was wondering and we are still unsure


    ​Hey @Lostsense I'm not too sure what type of tree it is, but it's really nice and so lovely that it will be your auntie's tree :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Wow lastnight was tough. I came down Thursday evening to my mums as it was her Birthday yesterday and the funeral is on Monday so I'm down for a long weekend which is not great for me anyway as I am allergic to my mums 2 dogs and my grandmas 2 dogs but I have 2 inhalers and allergy tablets with me so hopefully I will be alright! The service starts at 10am on Monday you can all make a minutes silence for my Auntie, if you want to. Most of our family went out lastnight for my mums Birthday as we want to try and carry on as "normal" but my mum got so drunk she spent the night downstairs on the sofa being sick and crying. I think its so hard to see our mums cry so much. What made it evan harder yesterday is some of my family went to see my Auntie, she is at the funeral parlour now, she spent her last week at a hospice and then a couple of days at the hospice chapel of rest and now she has been made up and is at the funeral parlour until the funeral on Monday (only some of us can see her where she is now and I'm not on the list too so I didnt go to that) but my mum said my Auntie looked awful and what made it evan worse for my mum is she looked on the internet what happens to a person when they are dead and she said she wasent evan crying over my Auntie she was crying over what happens to a dead person and I didnt evan know so I googled it myself this morning and this is from a person who 'makes dead people up' -Thats why my family thought my Auntie would look better now but aparently not, they all said she looks worser than she did when she died because she dosent look like "Lauren" now. I dont know what some of these words mean.

    Embalmer (I dont know what that means) I think it means art of a dead person but is that evan right!? Should someone be making art of a dead person..I am not too sure!. I thought it might help me if I could put the paragraphs here.

    It is a horrible thought that someone has touched my Auntie and done all of this. Not evan knowing what she looks like naturally.

    I wasent evan meant to see her dead but I was already at my mums when we got the call and I went upto the hospice with my mum and luckily my Uncle let me see her (well we all kind of just went with what happened). So I'm not allowed to see her 'made up' which initally we thought that would be a better last image in my head of her because we thought she was going to made up nice but my mum said it was awful so I am not going to see her again. Its not about my wishes its about what my Auntie wanted and apparently she said to my Uncle she didnt want the cousions to see her in the wikka cofin she evan chose.

    I dont really know what to do for my mum or for myself. Its so hard😭 I dont know if this makes sense/is in the right order or what. Sorry its long
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey @Lostsense

    It sounds like things have been really tough for you and your family since your auntie passed away. It sounds like it's been difficult hearing about what Embalmer's do to a body, and that your auntie looks different. Loosing someone we love can be so difficult, and it can hard to know how to support family members. There's some advice on this article on The Mix website about how to best support someone:
    Don’t be scared to talk to them about how they feel, and to say that you are sorry for their loss. Let them know you’re there for them if they want to sound off angrily, cry on your shoulder, or get out to do something to distract themselves for a while. Try not to avoid them unless they ask for some space, this may make them feel worse than they do already, and it’s a time when they need to know who their friends are.

    and there's also some advice on this article on The Mix website about how to deal with important days after someone's died.
    How to support family and friends

    It can be hard to watch a family member or friend cope with grief, as you know you can’t fix anything.
    “Everybody copes differently, so it’s important to gauge how your friend is dealing with the loss and an upcoming anniversary,” Victoria says. “I wouldn’t try to force help upon them, but it’s helpful to make them aware you’re always there if they need you.”
    You don’t have to try and make them feel better. Victoria adds: “Just chatting to them about how they’re feeling and letting them talk about their loved one can really help them cope. Even offering to meet for a coffee and just keeping them busy can help, without pressuring them into opening up.”
    If you need more support with bereavement, Cruse Bereavement Care offers support via their helpline (0808 808 1677), email, or face-to-face. They also run Hope Again, a support website created for and by young people who have been bereaved.

    I hope these articles are helpful :)

    You mentioned that your auntie's funeral is today, I'm thinking of you and your family during this difficult time, I hope you're all okay.

    Feel free to keep using the boards or chat to talk about anything you're going through, we're all here for you. :)

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hey Aife

    Thanks for the links to the articles
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Posts: 292 The Mix Regular
    Hey Lostsense,

    Really sorry for your loss! We are all here for you and hope you're doing a little better. It does get better with time so try to stay strong and in the meantime if you ever need to talk we are here with open arms!

    Hugs from Drea:heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Thankyou Drea
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