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Urges are not going away

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,737 Bot
in Health & Wellbeing
1 WEEK OF PERSISTENT URGES.

It's driving me insane and I'm at the point where I can feel it, I can feel where the urges are on my body and the urges to purge aren't giving a break either. If any of you guys have ever been this long resisting the urges then you'll completely understand the restlessness and fantasising stage of this.

I'm carrying tools with me now but I'm still holding out on doing it and when I'm out I think, "oh i'd like to b/p on that" and the urges to purge usually come when the ones to cut are bad, the take the load of if I do it. I've not cut for 3 years not and I've not purged at all this year.


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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Deactivated Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    Hi notagainvitelina,

    I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. This sounds completely overwhelming and the way that you are feeling is completely understandable. You should know that we are here to help, and can talk to you about anything you need.

    I want to say that I am really proud of you for resisting all week. That must have been very hard. And I am even more proud of you for resisting for 3 years. That's amazing, and you should be proud of yourself as well. If you can, try focusing on all of the progress you've made. What you've done so far is incredible, and you know you have it in you to keep resisting. Just take it one day at a time. If distractions you've used in the past aren't working this time, try something new. There are articles on self-harm coping tips and distractions, as well as having a self-harm relapse. Would you find this useful?

    Hope you feel better and speak soon!
    -Kathleen
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Kathleen :)

    It's been so so hard Kathleen, everyday has been a close one but I opted for the elastic band method. I found that it lowered the intensity of my urges and I guess it was better than nothing.

    I think I could do those other distractions if/when I need to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    :heart:

    Notagain- here if you wanna chat. You hopefully know who I am from chat *hug*s
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    You're going great . 3 years? Carrying on doing what you are doing!

    But just wanted to add. I've found the more i fear it - the stronger the urges get. So instead I think of what is triggering e.g. stress and feelings of emptyness and fear That instead. And relax and calm myself. By grounded technics until i feel less stress. And feel my emptynesswith water instead of food&ect. And remind myself of the things thay come with purging and things that come with self harm. And started writing down how i feel the deleting it all. Its like purging i guess :?

    Aviod going to part of the shop or don't stay to long in places like junk food. And like pharmacy part of where you could buy things to harm yourself. If your urges to purge is whwn you want to cut anf feel bad and not even after a binge. - Then what i tell myself that - apparently purging makes binging more regular, as it becomes an espcape

    I have been spending a lot of my time using a string making knots then unknoting. Random but helps.

    Seek company & distractions if the urges get to much.

    I've probably just wrote a load of unhelpful shit.
    But either way youre doing really well, so keep telling that to yourself.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Deactivated Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    Hi notagainvitelina!

    Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Are things getting any better?

    -Kathleen
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you all for the support.

    Unfortunately the urges to self harm has manifested in different ways and the intensity has only worsened. I was going to to go to A&E considering how bad things were but decided not to in the end.

    I'm finding that a lot of unresolved emotions and events are resurfacing but I am trying.

    V
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    You're doing really well Vitelina, even if the urges are getting a bit too much. Credit where it's due, three years is amazing and nothing that happens now can take away from that achievement.

    Would it help to have a bit of a vent about the unresolved emotions and events you mentioned? Is the elastic band method still helping?

    You got this. *hug*
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    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 493 Listening Ear
    Hey,

    Just wanted to say I get where your coming from, it's been about five months since I've done anything and the last four weeks have been driving me up the wall, tonight has been the hardest so far but it's just one of thos things, have to keep going

    Hope ur getting on alright and if you ever, ever, want to talk, always here

    J x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    Sorry it's been a while I've been trying my best just to get on but today is proving difficult and I'm not going to lie, I'm close to caving in. I don't have any elastic bands so I've had to make do with hairbands. ​Thank you @Mike It doesn't feel like it , I guess it's just because I've been clean for so long. At the moment I think it's the stress of (deferred) exams and not having done paper work in preparation for 2nd year. I feel like I could do with some help but my brains making it hard to reach out.

    I agreed to medication for the 3rd time to see it would help take the edge off my urges but now I'm starting to get paranoid and they are giving me unwanted side effects. Dizepam was short term, I tried Sertraline a while back but I stopped because I couldn't take the side effects or trust myself with any medication. It's been a week back on them and I don't know if it's working or not.

    @Distraction Well done for getting through for five months, I really am proud of you because it's not easy, especially when urges are being so persistent. Thank you so much and the same goes for you to J :) x

    Update: They were making me worse so I've stopped taking them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't even know what to say anymore. At this point I'm capable of anything. I'm so out of it and detached emotionally. I'm being watched like a hawk because I'm at risk to myself and others. I was just going to disappear today and go somewhere no one will find me. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm not. I can feel myself getting bigger and bigger and I've been b/p all week . I've been told to go to A&E again. I don't see how it's going to help?
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