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Confused, I think I need help.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi, I've read through a few of the posts on here and I have finally gained the courage to write one myself. I'm 23 and unsure of the state of my mental health. I have extremely low self esteem and I have had that since I was younger. I am a perfectionist and I am constantly worried of letting people down or being judged by others. I always crave attention and reassurance because I think so low of myself. Usually by using dating apps, pulling on nights out, etc..All of this was subconscious until this year where I decided to stop masking everything and tell family and friends. Due to these aspects of my personality I am constantly anxious about what others think of me, to the point where if I do something that other people will judge me for (failing exams, speaking my mind, one night stands) I face a state of depression. Which takes me a few days to bounce back.

I am really self aware but I don't know how to help my self suppress or change the thoughts I have about myself.
I have stopped drinking for the past 2 weeks as usually it is after social events where I am drunk that I do the things I hate myself for (making a fool of myself, one night stands).

Thanks xx

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hey & welcome to the message boardss!

    You do sound very self aware about of your self, but i know that's not enough to change or to feel better about our selves.

    Having a low self estem is really different and hard & the constant fear of being judged:( but wanting attention and love is okay.

    I know it's harder then it sounds but really focus on more about the positives about yourself. Instead of the negatives. Think about why you feel so low and find things that go against you're negative views on yourself.

    People unfortuanlty can judge. But not as much as you judge yourself for it!. And even if you feel like people are judging you for things - likr failing an exam and one night stands. They dont know everything about you and YOU only know about yourself and what's going on in your life to make you do things! You dont need to justify your self to anyone!! Everyone makes mistakes or do things they regret!

    If this is something that really affects you then there's help out there like therapy.

    Hope that helps .

    Take care of yourself
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey Rcon123,

    Welcome to the community! Reaching out onto the boards about what we're going through is not easy to do, so it's really great you've taken this positive step.

    Shaunie's given some lovely advice and I just wanted to reiterate a few things too. You're not alone at all in feeling this way, there's many people out there who have low self-esteem and carry this fear of being judged. Like Shaunie mentinoed, it's okay to want attention and reassurance. You mentioned that it takes you a few days to bounce back after feeling a state of depression, do you feel reassurance from others helps you feel better?

    You've mentioned that you're worried about letting people down and being judged by others. Do you want to talk a bit more about what makes you worried about these things?

    We're all here for you on the boards, so keep posting here whenever you like :)

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    (And jusr wanted to put that i meant Difficult not Different. Cause you're not alone
    And that i meant theres help for low self estem & that - not for failing exams. If You read them like that.

    Just wanted to make sure & it clearer after re reading what i put. . Sorry )
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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