Friend being abused/ help needed

Former Member

So last night I was having a conversation with my best friend and she was saying about how her mum was abusing her and I'm so worried about her.

It got to a stage when she didn't go to school yesterday (Tuesday) because she had a fight with her mum in the morning which meant she was unable to go to school because she missed the bus and there wasn't any other way of getting in. She had a fight with her mum on Monday night and her mum tried to kick her out and wouldn't let her have any food. She said the argument she had with her mum on Tuesday morning led to her getting her arm slammed in the door so she swore. Last night she said that her mum was trying to kick her out of the house and her mum made the comment what did I do wrong to raise u like this and then my friend replied I don't know put ur hands around my neck and then it escalated from there.

She admitted to me last night that she was bulimic and she has to handle that on her own because no one cares about it. She said her health is a lot better now but in the past she has been really underweight and because of this she has passed out and been in so much pain but no one has cared about it. I told here to take care of herself and she said she is trying but its hard when her eating pattern is getting messed up which is what she said her mum is doing to her right now. I'm worried about her health as well as her wellbeing. .

​I said that she needed to get help and she said she would but she couldn't whilst her dad wasn't around because she wouldn't have anyone to look after her. Her dad is currently away on a trip around the country walking for charity and could still be away for weeks. I'm worried about her because she shouldn't have to cope with what she is going through. When I said for her to get help she said I will when my dad gets home but this is what I'm used to now. It seems she has been going through this for a while and thinks it normal to be going through this.

​I am trying to help her as much as possible but its hard because of what Ive been through in the past and being taken away from my birth parents from a young age due to violence ect and a mental health issue . I want to help my friend as she obviously needs it but at the same time im finding it hard because of my past and because ive got a lot going on in my own life right now.

​Please give me some replies as I need advice on how to deal with this x
​

JustV

Hey Laura,

This must be a painful situation for both of you. Knowing someone close to you is going through something like this is never easy and supporting someone can bring its own challenges at the best of times, let alone when you're struggling yourself and the issue is so close to home.

To make sure we don't over-stress ourselves, it's quite important to remember our limits when supporting other people. We can be there for them, but realistically we can't make someone seek help or do anything they're not committed to doing themselves. Not to say you're trying to do that, but definitely something to keep in mind when thinking about self-care.

Related to that, actually, I just wanted to say how valuable it can be to 'be there' for someone. Being someone they can relax around, be honest with and talk to without fear of judgement or guilt can be huge. It's hard to overstate the value of listening and making someone feel valued.

In terms of practical stuff, how old is your friend? Is there someone she can stay with for a bit, maybe a close friend or family member? If she's keen to move out or find some accommodation, she can give Shelter a call - a homelessness and housing charity.

If she'd like to report the abuse she's suffering at home, then that's an option as well. She could either go directly to the police or contact somewhere like Victim Support who should be able to guide her through that process if she chooses, as well as supporting her with what's happening more broadly. They also have an info section on domestic abuse that might be useful reading.

The bulimia you mention (and I'm making an assumption here) seems like more of a secondary issue to what's going on at home, so I won't touch on that in this post. Not that it isn't important of course, but I'm wary of throwing all these links and things at you to the point where it stops being useful and there's just too much info!

How are you in all of this, Laura?

*hug*

Former Member

Hi Mike. Thanks for the reply. Yeah it's a painful sitution and it's hard for me knowing she is going through this. Yeah it's hard to support her when it's close to my past experience and when I'm trying to deal with things going on for me st the moment. I said that I would be there for her if she ever needed to message me about anything and I know that I can't make them do something they don't want to do. My friend knows I'm there for her by lists neing but I just feel that's not enough right now with what she is going through. My friend is 15 and I don't know if there is anyone she can stay with for a bit! I don't mind her staying with me but it's just tough situations for me right now. I seem to get the idea that she doesn't want to move and that she has got the idea that her family sitution had always been like this and that she doesn't care anymore. I'll give her the links and see what she wants to do. I don't feel she will probably want to report it. Yeh her health seems secondary to what she is going through at the moment but it seems that she can manage with that mainly on her own.
I am not doing good at all right now I've got a lot of worry and stress right now with things I'm going through!