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Grief

SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
in Sex & Relationships
Why does it hurt so much? (This may trigger some feelings)
I literally feel like I have no energy & liike someone has literally came & take all my blood out of me. One minute I feel nothing and trying to trigger myself then the next im so angry and emotiional . & I say it literally feels like a lot of energy to form words & speak to people but then I find the energy to tell them to shit the fuck up and trash my room.
I can't cope with this. I feel like i need to be so distant with everyone to aviod anything & feel like im being self centred.
I'm finding comfort in hungry pains or shity unhealthy foods
I feel numb & then feel everything at the same time in a short period.

I'm blocking people and i have no idea why. They are just being nice. I tried going to college but I can't. I tried doing what i can but can't. I'm not going to do anything. Im just going to mess uo my life and my relastuonships so i have nothing to live for and reason to just die. Because none of this matters in the end
I domt how to cope. I feel literally sick
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    It doesn't matter. I can't tell what's real and what's not.. But every one dies . One minute someone's here the next their not. I don't get it. Whats the point in longing out the emotional pain and living if we're gone so fast. Theres no point.
    This is just a game or a test and nothing is real. It doesn't matter. Hell sounds more appealing then this
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,612 Part of The Furniture
    Heya Shaunie,

    Reading your post through, I really get the feeling that you're super worn down? :(

    Emotional and mental exhaustion can have such an adverse effect on us and quite often leads to feeling 'numb' as you describe. When we're in that sort of place, it can also make us feel a bit more sensitive (I realise that contradicts what I said before, but bear with) to certain things. Like where we might usually process those feelings and thoughts naturally through the day, if we're fatigued then it's natural to stop doing that and things can build up. Then, as you say, we can reach a tipping point and end up having outbursts towards people and venting that anger and upset in very brief but intense moments.

    I can't truly empathise, but grief is a difficult process and, as with a lot of things, there's no right or wrong way to feel or to deal with it. If you don't mind me asking, is there someone you've lost recently?

    Props for talking about it - you're probably doing brilliantly. We're always here. *hug*
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hey Mike

    Thank you. Does make a lot of sense. And worn down definitely is the right word. I feel like the moments are getting more intense and feel like im getting more fragile quicker. Which doesn't even make sense because then less is built up?


    Yeah- and grief is a very painful process. But people aren't understanding I'm fine if they would leave me alone when i want to be left alone even just fir a hour. And not constantly speaking at me.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,612 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Shaunie - how are you getting on? Managed to get a bit of that space you were looking for?

    *hug*
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I dont even know how I am.

    Unfortunately. Dont feel like I've had any space. Whereever I look there's someone In my face and in my personal space

    I really dont know what is wrong with me. I'm so messed up and weird.

    I dont what this is but doesn't feel like depressionalisation. Butt everything feels so fast and it's really too much that it's making me so angry and frustrated iwth everyone. I feel like there's something wrong with my nerves or something? Like my body is not connected with my brain. And people are speaking toooo fast at me that - I can't process what they are saying to me .

    Id be sitting down and will flinch like In one of those weird dream like a falling sensation. But in real life . But obviously not falling cause sitting down. And like my body feels out of proportion. Or something wrong with my eyes. And then like sometimes id be sitting there and feel like things are moving away from me but cant do anything about it. Either that or things are getting smaller. Its not an outer body experience because it feels so real. Like im actually there and actually moving?.probably not the best place to write this.

    But what the fuck is wrong with me. I've tried to Google it but some things I cant find and says anxiety but i dont feel anxious and dont feel out of my body. Maybe lack of sleep I dont know but feel messed up.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Why do the little amount of people i have in my life. Leave or choose to leave me. Its just a horrible Sinking empty feeling. And a stab in the chest.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Deactivated Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    Hi Shaunie,

    How are you feeling today? I'm sorry you haven't been able to get the space you need. It sounds like that makes dealing with your emotions quite difficult. But you're not messed up or weird. A lot of people feel emotions that they don't know how to explain or the cause of. In fact, it seems like you are doing quite well at explaining what it is you are feeling, even if you don't know why you are feeling it. The community and the boards are always here if you need to talk.

    Chat soon!
    -Kathleen
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you Kathleen.

    Kathleen wrote: »
    Hi Shaunie,

    How are you feeling today?

    Really Shit but im still breathing & alive. I've got all my arms, legs & a roof over my head - and all that . Something over nothing - with my first world small problemss.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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