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Scared of Food
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello
Over the past few months I have been using food as something I can controll as their is so much hapening to me I can't control. What I have been eating has been getting less and less for a while now.
It's now changed from control to fear. I have somehow managed to link food with how I feel which means that every time I eat anything I feel suicidal. To stop me feeling like this I am now eating nothing and haven't eaten anything at all for a week now. I am still drinking though. It is working really well and keeping me feeling good without needing to do any other forms of self harm which I have done for so long.
However, I am going to be going away sailing next weekend and am scared that they will make me eat, and therefore I will spend all my holiday feeling suicidal rather than enjoying it. I am also scared about a big meeting on Wednesday just before I go away and what the people may end up wanting to do with me, for example sending me to hospital and making me miss sailing which I know will make me feel worse because I love sailing. It may sound easy to just tell me to eat something to prove I still can or whatever but the thought of eating is more scary than the thought of hospital, just as long as hospital does not happen before sailing. After sailing they can do whatever they want, just not before.
I am really not sure what to do anymore. I am not loosing weight even though I am eating nothing so I will be using that to say that I am clearly still quite well because my weight is stable. Which is good because I am not trying to loose weight as in certain eating disorders and therefore my CPN thinks I do not have an eating disorder.
My main thoughts at the moment are about sailing, and doing everything I can to go and enjoy it, I just don't know what to do about eating anymore.
Please can someone help?
Over the past few months I have been using food as something I can controll as their is so much hapening to me I can't control. What I have been eating has been getting less and less for a while now.
It's now changed from control to fear. I have somehow managed to link food with how I feel which means that every time I eat anything I feel suicidal. To stop me feeling like this I am now eating nothing and haven't eaten anything at all for a week now. I am still drinking though. It is working really well and keeping me feeling good without needing to do any other forms of self harm which I have done for so long.
However, I am going to be going away sailing next weekend and am scared that they will make me eat, and therefore I will spend all my holiday feeling suicidal rather than enjoying it. I am also scared about a big meeting on Wednesday just before I go away and what the people may end up wanting to do with me, for example sending me to hospital and making me miss sailing which I know will make me feel worse because I love sailing. It may sound easy to just tell me to eat something to prove I still can or whatever but the thought of eating is more scary than the thought of hospital, just as long as hospital does not happen before sailing. After sailing they can do whatever they want, just not before.
I am really not sure what to do anymore. I am not loosing weight even though I am eating nothing so I will be using that to say that I am clearly still quite well because my weight is stable. Which is good because I am not trying to loose weight as in certain eating disorders and therefore my CPN thinks I do not have an eating disorder.
My main thoughts at the moment are about sailing, and doing everything I can to go and enjoy it, I just don't know what to do about eating anymore.
Please can someone help?
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Comments
Anyway my advice would also be to make sure that you are safe and healthy to go sailing, this is because sailing can be dangerous. If you are sailing you will be using a lot of energy so you need to try and eat something to make sure that you are able to fuel the body. I understand that this is hard to do and you don't want to eat, but start with small things and slowly gradually build up.
Sounds like sailing means a lot you and you really want to go. This means you have a goal which you can work towards, something you can look forward to. Just make sure your safe to go.
You can do this stay strong here for you
yes, you are right sailing means a lot to me, and I have already been using it as motivation to get me through moving house. Because of that I am willing to try to eat while I am atcually there if it means I can go but I don't want to eat between now and sailing.
However, I have done my weight this morning myself and found I have lost a bit since last week. I am now scared of what my CPN might do either tomorrow when i see her or on Wednesday at this big meeting. Do you know if loosing this much will cause them to do anything?
I am not sure if losing weight will cause them to do anything sorry, if you have lost that much in a week then they may do something but I don't know sorry.
But you shouldn't need to work round it but instead find ways to eat.
You need food to survive and isn't your enermy. Can end up in hospital if you lose to much weight and they either make you put it all back on or go to binge eating and will put it back on. Then your control would be gone and it would be controlling you. It's not a way to live. Because your body qnd brain can't go on forever restricting. And you need your energy to go sailing. And doing things you enjoy without feeling so weak and achy.
Is there anything you feel incontrol of or could find ways you feel more incontrol? Something that helped me was tbat that instead of controlling my eating and weight i controled my thoughts that went with it . Qnd instead I would eat when my eating disorder was telling me not to and feel like i have control over my eating now.
But i understand right now you may feel your incontrol but if it's stopoubg you doing things like going sailing . It might be controlling you.
Losing that much- doesn't really mean they will do anything- depending on your weight now and your general health observations. But they will be concerned and may do thing like weigh you more and do blood tests. (From past expereince.
Hope that made sense. Take care of your self.