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Positive but may trig

SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
Hello
Firstly i want to say I am really sorry for my post. But thank you for your support. You made me feel understood and heard. And most importantly regained my faith in humanity. Willing taking your time out to help me. And if you can do that. You definitly deserve to here and have support. I hope to give that support back. You're all lovely.

Maybe that is what stopped me. I couldn't go with my plan i could barely self harm but still managed to. I felt like such A failure I couldn't even choose the easy way out. As much as i wanted the pain to all stop and thought ut was the only way. O I couldn't do it .

I was asking for help, from everyone. For someone just tosee I waa struggling qnd make sure I was safe. But at the same time i was rejecting their help. O felt like no one was taking me seriously and that something that feels powerful to me. So I was willing to end my life so at least in thr end I was taken seriously and they would take the next person seriously.

But I got to it and thought what's the point. I wouldn't even be alive to feel that and it's like a punishment for them. It's not my fault people dont understand.

Now i feel like i have hope. Death isnt an option for me.
Now im just Thinking - if dying isnt a option for me. What Is?
Instead I am going to get help myself. Accept DBT and I'm getting started om sertraline. Because why else is it there. Youre not expected to be able to cope all on your own. We are all important as each other. Im not going to think to much about the future. And just take everyday as it comes. I need to otherwise I'm just stuck. I will start being selfish. Doing mindfulness, live in the moment and taking everything in. Ive already started looking up for how to manage disturbed sleep.

I may be setting myself up for dissapiomemnt but I have nothing to lose. Or have much of a chioce unless laying in bed crying all the time is an option. When I start seeing my mood change I will read this or remind myself it is okay. Be kind to yourself and just Try to focus more on the positives of yourself and life. It took being so low and suicidal for me to take this in.

That said has anyone tried DBT or know anyone who has ? Or help with BPD?
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you!!!:))).
    I still feel like there no point in it. And is just on my mind. I dont think this is an episode of being happy because I still feel sad I just can see there is hope.

    I've just came out of my appointment and I'm really hopeful now that this therapy can work and wont just stop my self harm. It's 9 month corse. 6 weeks with care co ordinator, 6 weeks in DBT DEBT and 6 months doing something which i choose or something :) he did sell it to me and sound like it really helps people.

    I just cant tell if i agreed with the anti depressants to play more russian roulette with pills or I do actually want to take them regular.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    I dont know why it wrote DEBT after but i can't edit. My keyboard is so messed up. 😂
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
    Hey Shaunie,

    It's great that you are being so positive and open minded about life - it's really brave to decide to live and keep going when things are so difficult for you mentally. I have done DBT previously with CAMHS, is there any questions you would like to ask?

    Take care
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you jelly, :) i do. Obviously only if you want to answer. Did you find it helpful? Was a lot of it just based on changing behaviours? Or did it discuss other things. Was it in a group ?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
    Hey Shaunie,

    Yeah I did find it quite helpful - it is based around learning modules such as emotional regulation, interpersonal relationships, distress tolerance, mindfulness and walking the middle path. You usually get homework to practice the ideas and techniques you learn in DBT. It was in a group, yes.

    Hope this helps
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
    Hey Shaunie,

    You should be so proud of yourself for being so positive :) You've mentioned some really important points, especially around coping and taking each day as it comes. Like you mentioned, no one is ever expected to be able to cope on their own so it's okay to reach out for some help. It's really great to hear that you're really hopeful about DBT, I really hope it goes well.

    There's a bit of information around DBT on Mind's website here that might be useful to read through. Hope this helps :)

    - Aife


    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you for that Jelly! Really glad you found it helpful. :)

    Thank you Eife. I will have a look at that.
    My CAT therapy finishs this week. Which is upsetting but i was so sure that it wouldnt work. But it been so much help with my eating. I hope it to be the same. :)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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