Struggling

Former Member

Hi,

A little background, I'm 22 and I've been struggling with depression for at least ten years. I've tried counselling and antidepressants, and they've either not worked or only worked short-term. I always end up back at rock bottom.

That's where I'm heading right now. I was getting better, but now I'm getting worse by the day. I still live with my parents, and they're difficult. They've always been controlling, and there's a lot of history there I don't want to go into right now. I have a job in a supermarket but I don't have a regular contract so I can't work there right now, but it makes me worse when I have to go there.

I have this type of contract because I've been travelling a lot recently, and when I'm away a lot of my problems go away. I can make my own decisions, and have little general anxiety. I still have problems making friends and connecting to people (I have two friends in total, and I don't live near either of them, and we only speak every now and again), but when I'm away I feel better.

I feel so trapped here, I can't make my own decisions, I have no friends, I feel like my opportunities are fading. I'm too old to do a lot of things already. My parents are miserable, they have no friends and hate their jobs and they expect me to live the same kind of life. They think it's normal. When I have an idea of something to try they don't listen, they judge straight away and if it's not what they want me to do, they act uninterested, or discouraging. I'm never going to fit their expectations. I don't know what I want to do in life, but they think that what I decide I should keep to for the rest of my life, so I can't try things out and see if they work. They won't let me take risks.

I can't see a future for myself. Every day it gets worse.

Distraction

Hi Wolfspear,

Welcome to the boards, I hope u find it helpful here, theres many people with different views so hopefully you'll find someone who u feel can help.

Am sorry to hear you difficult situation, it's hard when the people who have a big influence on us aren't really supportive.

But you'r only 22, when ur 60, maybe you'll be to old then, the thing is when I worked out how old I'll be when I get to where I want to be, I'll be older then most people doing it, but whats the alternative, when I think in five years time, where do I want to be, I don't want to look back thinking I could have done that, I could have been there, jus do it, unless u need to be under an actually age, in that case, ignore me completely.

As soon as u say u can't do something, u can't, but u can, try new things, apply for different jobs and c what makes u happy, I understand you live with ur parents and that it'll be hard but being happy for ur self is so much better then trying to make others happy, think about the long term, when u move out, what do u want ur live to be like?

u c when u go away, is that something u can make a full time job, if u enjoy it? Do u mind me asking what it is?

Former Member

I just travel, I've only been on a couple of trips but they've been quite long. I volunteering on one of them, I find there are things I enjoy doing when I'm doing them but nothing that gives me the urge to do it. Last time I was away, I started coming up with a plan for moving out. I decided to get an apprenticeship in Germany, but my German isn't good enough yet, so I thought about moving first to help me learn, then I can apply if I still want to. But my parents tell me I can't move without a job (I have savings I don't mind using for a while, that's what savings are for), but I can't get a job without speaking more German, and it's hard to learn German when I'm stuck at home.

Plus I feel so lonely and isolated here I can't deal with it, I spend my days doing nothing.

The closest thing to a passion I have is music, but I never learnt an instrument as a kid, and I've tried recently but I have no motivation and it will take me years to get any good at anything, and even if I were good it wouldn't lead me anywhere.

Distraction

Although I would really encourage you to do something u want to, like move to Germany, it probably would be best if you had a basic grip on the language first like ur saying, it is harder to learn a language without being in the country or having help from people like teachers but theres plenty of apps u can use on ur phone, and if ur doing nothing during the day, maybe u could set an hour or two a side and get ur head into it, therefore if you u do move you've got something to go on and if you don't theres always jobs here for translators, which in turn could also help u learn in more detail.

sometimes we just do things for fun, but if ur really not interested/motivated, then theres no real point