A commitmentphobe (I'm working on it).

BillieTheBot

I don't think this is a new term but I've come to realise that I am scared of forming close relationships. I have 3 best friends (of 4-7 years) and they are all long distance now. we can talk about literally anything even if we don't speak to each other everyday or hang out everyday we are still close and I know that they will always be there. They are all very independent people so I like to check up on them every now again and vice versa. We're all in our 20's and it seems to work out so well for us. It's the lack of contact that makes our time together so much more special and enjoyable.

The issues is with people I become involved with romantically. It scares me a little and I know that it's the intimacy that scares me because it makes me feel vulnerable.I don't like feeling vulnerable because it means putting part of myself of out there in the open.

Things worsened after receiving the diagnosis of a "mental illness".I wasn't what OP perceived me to be or what I read, it was hard trying to convince myself that I wasn't a bad person. I always feel like I need to be good and do good things. I constantly worry that I'm going hurt people or upset them so I need to protect them from me all the time.

My last relationship didn't last long (for various reasons) so we parted. We had a conversation about it and were completely honest with each other, I don't believe in parting on bad terms with anyone. I learned what it felt like to be completely at ease and safe in someones presence but I also learned that I do things I my own pace and sometimes mental health interferes whether I deny it or not.I also learned that love has no boundaries, I didn't care that his skin was different to mine or that he's grown a little belly or that he was slightly awkward because I still loved him regardless.

V

JustV

Hey Notagain,

I just want to say that the level of self-awareness you've shown in this post is really impressive. Reading through, questions I could ask were popping into my head but then you answered them further down.

I really like what you said about not parting on bad terms with anyone - it's a really respectable outlook to have on relationships. It sounds like you learned a lot from your last relationship even if it was cut a little bit short, and sometimes those experiences can be invaluable. Keeping in mind what you've learned from past experiences and reminding yourself of that, rather than being tunnel visioned on the negatives is a super useful skill to have. Again, the self-awareness!

Notagainvitelina wrote:

I always feel like I need to be good and do good things.

I'm curious about what you see as being 'good'? And equally, what you might do that isn't good? :chin:

Former Member

Thank you @Mike

​I guess it's to do with morals. I see good things as not stealing, not lying and being polite ect .I also try not to say or do anything that will cause conflict.

I consider lying, stealing, being rude, hurting other people, being angry as bad things I don't know why but I feel guilty when I do.