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Massive Anxiety About Relationship with my girlfriend... :/

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys, I'm a 21 year old male and currently in my first proper relationship. Im around 5 months into it & so far its been going really good.

The girl in question is gorgeous, kind, funny & cool. Everything i'd ever wanted. I struggled to get her at first but after a few weeks of dating we fell in love. We share the same passion for electronic music & are constantly going on nights out together etc. We've visited Berlin together & done all this cool stuff. However we always used to bicker & fight, we're both very sensitive & would annoy each other by saying something a bit out of place that we didn't really mean etc. I would wonder why she would get annoyed with me if i needed to go home to do something after we'd been together all day etc. I guess I sometimes felt she was really hard work and that I never really had her, all these doubts would fly around in my head and i'd worry I couldn't take it anymore.

We ended up having a massive argument & I tried to break up with her, which happened to be a good thing as we talked all this stuff through and she explained to me why she had been the way she had, we both agreed we were massively in love and that from here onwards we would both understand each other a bit more...
Since then its been great. We've had a little time apart from each other on holidays etc and it ran smoothly, I finally feel like its going well & we both get each other. The sex is amazing and is the best I've ever had, I think she's beautiful and since we've talked about all this other stuff its made talking about topics like sex together and stuff like that really easy. I feel we are both on the level.

However shortly after we sorted it all out, I started feeling really anxious. I constantly question if I love her, we've both said we want to live together & be together for ever but theres a voice in my head asking me If she's really the one. I've paranoid myself with it to the point I can hardly sleep. I get this awful anxiety & i feel like i'm betraying her for not telling her. I told her a little once and she blew up saying she doesnt understand, which I totally get.

I don't know what to do. I think shes amazing & we've done some amazing stuff together. Id be gutted if it ended, I think about other people in the world & I find it hard to believe there is anyone more right for me than this girl. We have loads in common. I've paranoid myself though for no legitimate reason...

My friends tell me to just go with the flow & enjoy my time with her but thats hard to do when you have an awful gut feeling all the time... I've been looking at Relationship OCD & it sounds exactly like what i'm experiencing.

Has anyone ever had anything like this. Im so confused & she knows me too well & will start to see there is something wrong :(

Thankyou & Kind Regards

R

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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,336 Part of The Furniture
    Hey, and welcome to the boards. :wave: Great to see you posting. I hope it helped to get all this down somewhere; having a vent can be really therapeutic.

    I want to start by saying that it's wonderful to hear you've found someone who fits you so well. Despite your worries, it really does sound like this relationship has been an amazing experience for you so far. Regardless of what happens, hopefully you're able to cherish those memories you talked about and the close bond you guys have created.

    Reading through your post, one thing that stands out to me is that you seem to be putting yourself under a lot of pressure. When a relationship with someone reaches certain points or benchmarks (first kiss, first 'I love you', etc.) it can be really easy to keep asking yourself whether you're doing the right thing; whether they really are 'the one'; whether your feelings are genuine.

    I think your friends have a point - although it isn't by any means easy when you're battling with all those internal thoughts, treating the relationship as what it is rather than what it should be or what it's meant to be might help give yourself permission to relax into the relationship a bit more. Regardless of whether someone is your perfect partner or soulmate, it's okay to enjoy what you have and make the most of it. :)

    I think what you said here speaks volumes, and maybe answers some of your own questions:
    I don't know what to do. I think shes amazing & we've done some amazing stuff together. Id be gutted if it ended, I think about other people in the world & I find it hard to believe there is anyone more right for me than this girl. We have loads in common. I've paranoid myself though for no legitimate reason...

    I know how easy that is for me to say all this and how difficult it is to put those demons to rest, though. Relationship OCD is an interesting one - is it something you've experienced with other people before?

    Also, d'you think it might help to sound some of this out with her? Having doubts isn't an easy thing to talk about in a relationship, but sometimes being able to get some reassurance from the person we're torturing ourselves over can do wonders. Being open, honest and having good communication is so often the key to a healthy relationship.

    Let us know how you're getting on - it's good to see you reaching out for some support about this. :)
    The truth resists simplicity.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Mike thanks so much for the advice it really has helped! She's been away for a week or so. & I get to see her tomorrow & planning a trip away next week with her. It's been a tough few days really however I've been real busy today so today has been better than most. Hopefully some quality time together should help me stop freaking out. I've spoken to friends again and they said a similar thing, treat it how it is & just let it take its natural course...

    In terms or ROCD it's something i've been reading about whilst trying to find out why the hell i'm having these thoughts... :| It seems like a lot of the symptoms listed are the same kinda thing i'm experiencing...

    I'm looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. I just keep reassuring myself that I do love her & want to have lots of more good times like the ones we have had...

    Thanks again

    R
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