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AUTISM AWARENESS DAY <3. My story: **Slight trigger**
louisa982
Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
Hey guys! Today is world autism awareness day so it's time to share my story again. Please feel free to comment any questions about autism or if anyone has autism, feel free to share your story too 
When i was younger i never understood why no one really wanted to play with me. I never understood why every single person got invited to a party in my class and not me. I just wanted to be friends with everyone in infant and juniors and i didn't understand what i was doing wrong. It really upset me and i remember in year 5 on one of our "rainy lunchtimes" being inside writing a list in my notebook that read "reasons why people hate me" I was 9. A 9 year old child writing a list of about 30 reasons as to why other children hated them. Its hard to think about even now.
And of course there was the bullying as well. pretty much constant from year 3 till my last day of year 11. When i went to secondary school i thought id be able to make friends and "be normal" but it didn't happen. On my first day i went and sat next to the "populars" and they told me to fuck off. i was so excited to join bohunt and on my first day i wanted to leave. In year 8 i started self harming. it was lest obvious at first but then i went on to use sharper objects. My mum took me to see doctors and counselors but i didn't like it, i couldn't look at them . id would have felt a lot more comfortable if we were both sat back to back and i knew they weren't looking at me.
After a long couple of yeas i was diagnosed with aspergers or "autism spectrum disorder" (ASD). This felt weird. I was relived on one hand as i knew there was a reason but upset and stressed about why it had to be me. Like why! I like to think i'm a nice person putting everyone else first, always putting 200% into everything and this is given to me. It is hard to come to grips with. And reading up on my condition and looking at "autistic girls descriptions" I am quite "textbook" and if teachers had basic autism training this could have been diagnosed in the early years and maybe more support would have been available. Unfortunately as i hate the doctors and seeing therapists ect i didn't really get much help and the school didn't care (that's another story) so the self harming didn't stop til the end of year 10 / start of year 11.
I'll always have the scars but it reminds me how much shit I've gone through and how i can carry on no matter what. When i went to college it all changes and i loved it there! I then got a part time job with some lovely , amazing, supportive, funny work colleagues for which i am so glad I've managed to feel "at home" with as i didn't even know if id be able to stick a job like that in a supermarket. I'm now at Essex uni studying accounting and working towards my degree! I have some amazing friends and am part of two amazing society's . TAS and choir, and I love everyone there and have some brilliant squad friends!
I guess what i'm trying to say is that if you are autistic, or in fact have any condition that effects your life, you can get through this. it will take time and you may go along the country lanes instead on the motor way but it will happen and you'll have so much more "life experience" than everyone else. Thanks for reading and please donate if you can to the national autistic society , even £1 will help and spread awareness about autism!!!!
xx
http://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/donate.aspx
Louisa xxx
When i was younger i never understood why no one really wanted to play with me. I never understood why every single person got invited to a party in my class and not me. I just wanted to be friends with everyone in infant and juniors and i didn't understand what i was doing wrong. It really upset me and i remember in year 5 on one of our "rainy lunchtimes" being inside writing a list in my notebook that read "reasons why people hate me" I was 9. A 9 year old child writing a list of about 30 reasons as to why other children hated them. Its hard to think about even now.
And of course there was the bullying as well. pretty much constant from year 3 till my last day of year 11. When i went to secondary school i thought id be able to make friends and "be normal" but it didn't happen. On my first day i went and sat next to the "populars" and they told me to fuck off. i was so excited to join bohunt and on my first day i wanted to leave. In year 8 i started self harming. it was lest obvious at first but then i went on to use sharper objects. My mum took me to see doctors and counselors but i didn't like it, i couldn't look at them . id would have felt a lot more comfortable if we were both sat back to back and i knew they weren't looking at me.
After a long couple of yeas i was diagnosed with aspergers or "autism spectrum disorder" (ASD). This felt weird. I was relived on one hand as i knew there was a reason but upset and stressed about why it had to be me. Like why! I like to think i'm a nice person putting everyone else first, always putting 200% into everything and this is given to me. It is hard to come to grips with. And reading up on my condition and looking at "autistic girls descriptions" I am quite "textbook" and if teachers had basic autism training this could have been diagnosed in the early years and maybe more support would have been available. Unfortunately as i hate the doctors and seeing therapists ect i didn't really get much help and the school didn't care (that's another story) so the self harming didn't stop til the end of year 10 / start of year 11.
I'll always have the scars but it reminds me how much shit I've gone through and how i can carry on no matter what. When i went to college it all changes and i loved it there! I then got a part time job with some lovely , amazing, supportive, funny work colleagues for which i am so glad I've managed to feel "at home" with as i didn't even know if id be able to stick a job like that in a supermarket. I'm now at Essex uni studying accounting and working towards my degree! I have some amazing friends and am part of two amazing society's . TAS and choir, and I love everyone there and have some brilliant squad friends!
I guess what i'm trying to say is that if you are autistic, or in fact have any condition that effects your life, you can get through this. it will take time and you may go along the country lanes instead on the motor way but it will happen and you'll have so much more "life experience" than everyone else. Thanks for reading and please donate if you can to the national autistic society , even £1 will help and spread awareness about autism!!!!
xxhttp://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/donate.aspx
Louisa xxx
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Comments
A diagnosis is helpful , although can be a long process to get one so be prepared for that! It is hard, but it's worth it and if you revise as yo go it's not too bad!
You have been through a lot and clearly a very strong person. and it is very powerful to read. - But its really nice to read that your in a better place and have good friends !.
Louisa thanks so much for sharing your story and raising awareness of autism. You've been through so much, but it's so great to see how far you've come and how strong you are
@Aidan - really great to hear about your aspirations to get a degree in medicine
Being on a waiting list can be a long process, does anyone have any advice or tips on how to get through this long wait?
- Aife