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How can i aupport my 2 friends when the situations are linked to experience? so hard

Laura12345Laura12345 Posts: 265 The Mix Regular
2 of my friends need as much support as possible right now as they have both lost relatives recently. One lost her uncle on the 17th of March in a car crash and the other lost her grandad on the 22nd of March due to losing his battle to cancer.
Anyway both of this situations its hard to support of them because of what ive been through or currently going through. With the car accident its because of when I was involved in one 2 years ago and also because of my friend being in a serious car accident in Nov and ending up in a coma. With the cancer one is obviously its hard for me to hear someone has died because of cancer especially when my cousin is going through it right now. how can I help them when its hard for me to recall the situations?!

Need some advice


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    FeatheredDreamsFeatheredDreams Posts: 91 Budding Regular
    As much as you may want to help them, if it's distressing for you, then the most you can really do is point them to services that may help online, or give suggestions that don't require talking to you. As much as it's absolutely awful for them, they shouldn't push their grief onto you and cause you stress, i think sometimes it's impossible to help others in the way we'd like to when we can't be stable ourselves (i don't offer friend's advice when they rant to me if i'm really depressed for example because i can't focus on other peoples feelings when i can hardly handle my own) and imo, your friends will just have to understand that. There is other valid outlets afterall - for example, showing them the mix's/other services webpages on handling grief - while you're still helping to some extent, you may not have to deal with the anxiety of empathising with them.
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    Laura12345Laura12345 Posts: 265 The Mix Regular
    Hi AzathKelara. Thanks for the reply. Yeah I want to help them but its hard when the 2 situations are making things hard for me. Yeh I guess I need to think about myself right now but at the same time if they feel they can talk to me about whats happened I feel that I should help them. They don't know they are causing me stress, well one doesn't, the one with the car accideient doesn't know but the one that lost her grandad to cancer knows my cousin has it at the moment and she did say that I don't have to help her if I didn't want to but I feel I want to help her because I understand what its like to have a relative with cancer. I will suggest services for them but at the same time I still want to be there for them as they obviously feel they can talk to me about it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Laura,
    I am sorry that you and your friends are going through a tough spell. If you are planning on supporting them, just make sure you take some time for yourself, maybe post here to talk about your feelings too so that you arent ignoring your own experiences.
    I can understand that it might be difficult to support them both. But you sound like you are doing all you can.
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    Laura12345Laura12345 Posts: 265 The Mix Regular
    yeah its tough for me and my friends right now. Yeh I will support them as much as possible but I`ll also take time for myself too. Yeh I'm doing the best I can right now
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