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Can't really get past the first hurdle

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im a bit of a loner due to my job being quite isolated and me being quite a shy introvert. So most of my life i've struggled to get girls to like me. I start talking with them and it goes ok but eventually it fizzles out before we get to the first date. I have no clue how to keep them interested. It goes great first week but my conversations can be too generic like i'll ask them questions about themselves but then when I get as much information as is humanly possible out of them i dont know how to proceed.

I've had a few examples these past few weeks where I've been talking with them had lots in common but eventually before the first date happens the girl just starts being quite reclusive to me and doesnt want to know me, despite saying she enjoys talking to me a few days before.

I don't know what it is I do wrong im a nice friendly guy and easy to talk to and I can be a good chatter... but this is getting ridiculous every time it just fizzles out i don't know what to do to keep a girl interested.

I had one relationship and same thing she dumped me because she didnt love me and well.. "got bored"


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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,056 Boards Guru
    Heyy rmacca1511,

    Welcome to the boards :wave:.

    You're not alone at all, it can be really hard to keep a conversation going with someone we don't know yet. It's okay to be shy, some girls might love this about you.

    It's important to remember that conversations involve two people, so don't put too much pressure on yourself as the other person is just as involved as you are. A lot of people often feel stuck and not know what to say next or feel the convo is getting a bit dry. There's some tips on how to keep a convo going here

    Are these girls you're meeting online? For some people it can be helpful asking people they meet online what they're looking for to make sure they're on the same wavelength and avoid this ghosting effect. There's a bit of info and advice on The Mix website here that says:
    • People use dating apps/websites for different reasons. Some want a quick shag, some want a rebound, and some want marriage, house and kids within three weeks. Don’t assume that everyone is on your wavelength. Communicate your desires truthfully otherwise things could get messy.

    Hope that's helpful, do keep posting here whenever you like to :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've never encountered a girl who wants someone who's shy - typically they want someone who's outgoing, extroverted, makes them laugh and leads things. Being shy rarely works when you're a straight male, because the burden of starting, leading and continuing conversations is on you - otherwise you're very unlikely to get anywhere. It's rare for girls to approach male strangers. Even when I've found girls who describe themselves as shy, they say that they want someone who's extroverted, talkative, confident etc., in order to get her out of her shell. Two shy people wouldn't get a conversation started.

    I've tried honestly stating on my dating profiles and in messages to girls what I honestly want, but the vast majority of them don't reply. Most of the small number of replies that I receive are rejections and some of them are deliberately insulting. None of them contain constructive criticism, so I don't don't know how I should change my messages.

    How can I compete with the thousands of male members of dating sites whom girls find much more desirable? One reply that I recently received from a girl on a dating site said: "I can easily get rich married men to wine and dine me, shower me with expensive gifts and take me on holiday to The Maldives and The Seychelles - so why the hell would I want you?!"
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